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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Amazing Spider-Man Annual #18

Amazing Spider-Man Annual #18

The Scorpion Takes a Bride! (But Not the Way You Think!)

Crooks have just robbed the First National Bank and are escaping in a helicopter. Spider-Man happens by and swings into action to stop it. Spider-Man attaches a web-line to the chopper. While the crooks are busy trying to shake the wall-crawler loose, they end up damaging the rotors on the side of a building. As the helicopter begins to fall to the streets below, Spider-Man uses his webbing to slow its fall and catches it at the bottom before it can harm anyone. After the police come to arrest the crooks, Spider-Man returns to the rooftops to recover his camera. Changing back into Peter Parker, the hero goes to the Daily Bugle to sell the photos. When he arrives he notices everyone whispering among each other and wonders what's going on. When he checks with Betty Leeds, she tells him her husband, Ned, is back from the lengthy assignment. When Joe Robertson emerges from his office, Peter manages to sell him the photos of Spider-Man stopping the bank robbers. Not far away, a delivery man comes with a box of material for J. Jonah Jameson. When he stops by Ben Urich's desk, he manages to grab a sampler from the box. Surprised by what the box contains, he begins showing it around the office. When Peter goes to see what it is, he learns that J. Jonah Jameson is announcing his upcoming marriage to Marla Madison.

While at Jameson's office, Marla is looking forward to her upcoming nuptials. Jameson is as well, although you wouldn't know it to look at him. When Marla asks Jonah if his son John will be attending the wedding, Jonah says he doesn't think John will make it. Marla finds this preposterous and tells her future husband that John must attend. Marla leaves Jonah with a kiss so he can get back to work. No sooner is Marla gone is Jonah interrupted by Spider-Man, who comes through the window to offer his congratulations. The wall-crawler has brought a bouquet of flowers and jokingly kissing Jameson. After teasing Jonah with congratulations, Spider-Man leaps out the window as quickly as he came, with Jameson shouting obscenities at the masked hero along the way. It's then that Glory Grant calls Jonah to tell him that his limo is waiting for him outside. Spider-Man watches as Jameson leaves the office and thinks about how hard it is to believe that someone would marry J. Jonah Jameson. Still, Spider-Man thinks that Jameson isn't that bad.

A short time later, J. Jonah Jameson arrives at a mental health facility in the suburbs where his son John has been resident for some time. Jonah can't believe his son, a heroic astronaut, could have ended up here. He visits his son John in his room and Jonah learns that his son has been using jigsaw puzzles as a form of therapy. When he tells John about his upcoming marriage, John knocks over his latest puzzle in anger, as he believes that Marla will come between father and son. Jonah tries to convince his son otherwise, but John is unwilling to listen. Jonah leaves, but John's doctor tries to convince Jameson that he shouldn't feel guilty about getting married again. As Jameson leaves in his limo, his departure is being watched by another patient of the facility, Mac Gargan, also known as the Scorpion. Even though he is confined to a cell and restrained in a straitjacket, Gargan vows to get free and make Jameson pay for turning him into the Scorpion so many years ago. His thoughts are interrupted when one of his doctors comes to get him for his next session.

That evening, a guard comes to Gargan's room with coffee, a cigarette and the newspaper. Gargan has spent his time befriending the guard so that he wouldn't be prepared when Mac finally breaks out. Ripping free of his straitjacket, he overpowers the guard. Leaving his cell, Mac has the guard bring him down to the vault where Gargan recovers his Scorpion costume. With his costume back on, the Scorpion slays the guard and then breaks into John Jameson's room. There he forces Jameson into a straitjacket and takes him hostage as he makes his escape from the facility. By this time, J. Jonah Jameson has returned to the Daily Bugle where the staff have arranged a surprise party. As Jameson is being celebrated, Joe Robertson welcomes Ned Leeds back from his recent assignment. Overhearing this, Peter Parker wonders what this assignment could be. Peter realizes that of all the Bugle staff, he was the only person who did not receive an official invitation. That's when Jameson pulls Peter aside to talk to him. Jameson wants Peter to accompany the professional photographer he has hired to photograph the wedding in the hopes that Peter might learn a few things about taking photos.

Suddenly, the festivities are interrupted by the arrival of the police, who inform Jameson that not only has the Scorpion escaped, but the villain has kidnapped his son as well. Hearing this, Peter slips away so he can change into Spider-Man and go out looking for the Scorpion and rescue John. Spider-Man swings to Jameson's home, where Jonah has been reunited with his wife-to-be. Marla and Jonah are under the protection of the NYPD under the command of Captain Jean DeWolff, who assures Jameson that Marla will be safe, considering that the Scorpion is after Jameson himself. Meanwhile, in the sewers, the Scorpion tells John Jameson that he wants to get revenge against John's father. He hangs John to the wall and leaves to carry out the next part of his plot. The Scorpion forces his way into Marla Madison's condo building and trounces the police officers. He makes his way to kidnap Marla, but before he can grab the woman, Spider-Man comes smashing through the window to stop him.

As the two battle it out, the Scorpion blasts a lightswitch, dousing the lights. As the two fight it out in the dark. While down in the sewers, John Jameson continues to struggle in his attempts to get free. Back at Jonah's apartment, Jameson worries that they have not heard back from Marla's police escort. Jean DeWolff tries to radio in but gets no reply. By this point, Jameson has tired of waiting around and decides to do something about the situation. He tricks his police protection that the Scorpion is in the building and manages to sneak outside and escape in a taxi cab. Meanwhile, Marla Madison tries to escape the ongoing battle between Spider-Man and the Scorpion. When Marla knocks down a lamp, the Scorpion blindly fires a tail-blast in her direction. The blast clips her shoulder, knocking her out. Spider-Man quickly uses his spider-sense to find Marla and escape out of a nearby window, with the Scorpion following not far behind. While Spider-Man keeps the Scorpion at bay, John Jameson manages to break free and rushes up to the surface to see what he can do to help. At that same moment, J. Jonah Jameson arrives in the cab and sees Spider-Man swinging away with Marla in his arms.

Spider-Man lands on a rooftop and sends Marla away to safety while he battles the Scorpion. However, the Scorpion decides to take advantage of Spider-Man's altruism by blasting the side of the building they are battling on. While Spider-Man uses his webbing to prevent debris from falling on the crowd below, the Scorpion manages to catch up to Marla Madison. Before he can harm her, J. Jonah Jameson comes out of a nearby alley and begs the Scorpion to stop. Jameson reveals that he has been paying for Gargan's therapy as well as giving money to the victims of the Scorpion's crimes. When he asks how much it will take to stop the Scorpion, Mac explains that no amount of money in the world will make up for Jameson turning him into a freak. Instead, he intends to take away the things that Jameson cares the most, starting with killing Marla. That's when John comes around the corner and tries to attack the Scorpion, but he is easily struck aside. The Scorpion now has both John and Marla as his hostages. He then tells Jameson that he needs to choose who lives or who dies: His soon-to-be-bride or his son. Unable to choose between the two, Jameson begs the Scorpion to take his life instead.

Before the Scorpion can make a move, Spider-Man fires some webbing into the villain's eyes. Their renewed battle sends them crashing into the building next door. There, the Scorpion rips off his mask to get the webbing off his face. By this point, the Scorpion's anger gets the better of him and Spider-Man manages to get the upper hand, ultimately knocking the Scorpion out in a one-on-one brawl. With his villain defeated, Spider-Man webs up the Scorpion and leaves him for the authorities. By this point, Jean DeWolff and the police have arrived and seeing that the danger is over, allows Jameson and his family to leave.

Later, on the day of the wedding, J. Jonah Jameson is struggling to get his tie done up. His son helps him out, and the two have a moment to talk. Jonah tells John that he will always love him and that Marla will not get in the way of their relationship. Jonah hopes that John can get the chance to get to know Marla and learn to care for her as well. John is willing to try and tells his father that he is proud of him. That's when Joe Robertson comes in to see if they are ready to go. Soon, Jonah is on the altar next to Marla as the priest begins the wedding ceremony.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Scorpion, J. Jonah Jameson, Marla Madison, Joe Robertson, Martha Robertson, Betty Brant, Ned Leeds, Ben Urich, Wendy Thornton, Glory Grant, Ann Macintosh, Jean DeWolff

Continuity Notes

  • Spider-Man recalls how ever-present Jameson has been in his life. J. Jonah Jameson has been crusading against Spider-Man since Amazing Spider-Man #1. Peter likens it to the alien costume he obtained on Battleworld (Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #8), recounting how it almost permanently bonded to him in Amazing Spider-Man #258.

  • The Scorpion wants revenge against J. Jonah Jameson as Jameson was responsible for his transformation into the Scorpion. That happened in Amazing Spider-Man #20.

Amazing Spider-Man #259

Amazing Spider-Man #259

Amazing Spider-Man #260

Amazing Spider-Man #260