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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Amazing Spider-Man #500

Amazing Spider-Man #500

Happy Birthday Part Three

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Spider-Man has found himself stuck between two moments in time: On one end, he sees a possible future where Spider-Man is having a stand-off with the police at Aunt May’s grave.[1] On the other, the day when the radioactive spider first bit Peter Parker and set in motion the events where he became Spider-Man.[2] Seeing what the future has in store for him and seeing a possibility to stop himself from becoming Spider-Man, Peter debates what he should do. That’s when his future self is approached by Lieutenant Lamont who has come to arrest him. The future Spider-Man, knowing his younger self is behind the tombstone, decides to stall for time by talking to Lamont. He reminisces about how he was young and how he used to be one of the good guys. Lamont agrees but says that was a long time ago and recommends that Spider-Man surrender and take the manslaughter charge pointing out that running is a bad idea since Peter is much older and not as agile as he used to be. However, Peter refuses to surrender and tells Lamont to turn around and not look back. Lamont decides to do as the wall-crawler asks. As a younger detective mobilizes a SWAT team to take down Spider-Man, he turns to the tombstone of his Aunt May and addresses his younger self. He tells the younger Spider-Man that there is nothing he can do and time is about to flip again. All he wants Spider-Man to do is remember what he has seen here and not to stop it from happening because doing so will only make things worse. Leaving things as they are would be better for him, Mary Jane, and their son, Ben. Spider-Man then watches as his future self attacks the cops. He begins succeeding even though there are superior numbers but he is killed when he is shot in the back by one of the officers. As Peter drifts back in time the words of his future self echo in his head.

Now he is back in the past on the day when the radioactive spider was about to bite him. He thinks about how he can stop all of this from happening if he can stop the spider from biting him and he can save everyone who has died because he was Spider-Man, especially Uncle Ben. However, he cannot bring himself to do it as his younger self is bitten by the fateful spider, Spider-Man screams out at the same time. That’s when he is telepathically contacted by Doctor Strange who tells the wall-crawler that he has to move through the timestream alone with himself because if Doctor Strange tries to go back to get him they could both end up lost in time forever. To help Spider-Man in his journey, Strange has cast the spell of becoming to help Spider-Man pull himself forward through time.[3] Connecting with the spell is painful and this continues to be painful as Spider-Man is forced to relive various points of his life.

He first finds himself in the basement of Midtown High during his first battle with the Sandman. Remembering how he defeated the Sandman by trapping him in a vacuum. He leaps toward it as Doctor Strange tells the wall-crawler to follow the sound of his voice.[4] Suddenly, Spider-Man is pulled forward in time. He suddenly finds himself in midair fighting the Vulture who sends Spider-Man falling into a water tower below.[5] Spider-Man then finds himself in the Florida Everglades where he fought the Lizard for the first time.[6] When the Lizard whips Spider-Man in the face he moves forward again to his first battle against Electro. As the two fight, J. Jonah Jameson watches from the street and calls Peter Parker stupid for suggesting that Electro and Spider-Man are the same person.[7] Spider-Man is next pulled forward to the end of the battle with Doctor Octopus that ended with Betty Brant’s brother, Bennett, getting fatally shot. Peter has to relive the moment where Betty Brant blames Spider-Man for the death of her brother.[8] Betty’s slap in the face pushes Peter forward again to his first battle with Mysterio.[9] Exhausted, Peter wishes he has a moment to rest but the scene shifts to the time he battled the Hulk in a cave. When one of the Hulk’s blows brings down part of the cave onto Spider-Man’s body the scene shifts again.[10] He then finds himself stuck under the ruble beneath the Master Planner’s underground headquarters. It takes every ounce of his strength to free himself.[11] That’s when Peter is forced to relive one of the most tragic days of his life, the day that the Green Goblin murdered Gwen Stacy.[12]

By this point, Peter can’t take anymore and just wants to give up, but Doctor Strange presses him to keep ongoing. He reminds Spider-Man that despite his failures he still did many good things and made the difference in the lives of so many others. If Spider-Man stops here then all of the lives he saved will never have happened making all of those sacrifices for nothing. Still, Doctor Strange prods him on and Spider-Man — finding new strength — says to bring it on. He then presses forward, reliving every battle, every pain, every loss, and every victory.[13]

Eventually, Spider-Man finds himself in the battle between New York’s heroes and the Mindless Ones. This time, when Mister Fantastic arrives with his device to banish the monsters, Spider-Man stops him. He convinces them all to wait a moment longer when Doctor Strange arrives. While the gathered heroes protect the people form the Mindless Ones, Doctor Strange completes his spell that banishes the creatures back to the Dark Dimension. With the battle over, Doctor Strange pulls Spider-Man aside to find out what happened. Strange finds it all interesting, even though he has no answers as to what happened to the version of himself that helped Peter get back to the present. Still, he has a present for the wall-crawler and gives him a small golden model of his Sanctum Sanctorum. This reminds Peter that it is his birthday and races off to go and celebrate with his family.[14] As Spider-Man leaves, Doctor Strange is ambushed by Baron Mordo who chose this moment to attack Strange as there are consequences for the Doctor’s tampering with the timestream.[15] After celebrating his birthday with his family, Peter decides to go up on the roof of his building to have a moment alone while he opens the gift given to him by Doctor Strange. It contains a message that says that he has five minutes and to use them nicely. That’s when he realizes that Uncle Ben has appeared before him.[16]

When Peter asks for forgiveness for not stopping the crook that went on to murder him, Ben tells Peter that he has nothing to forgive, saying that everyone messes up sometimes it’s inevitable and there’s an opportunity to learn from them. Ben then goes on to say that the only thing that would disappoint him was if Peter didn’t reach for the life that he’s wanted and never walked away from what he believed in. When Peter confirms that he has done neither of them, Ben is glad to hear it as he taught Peter right. When Peter tries to think of what to tell his Uncle Ben, of all the amazing things he’s done, he’s not sure where to start. Ben has a simple answer, all he needs to know to rest easy is knowing that whatever it is that Peter is doing, he’s happy doing it. He understands that people go through hurts and setbacks, but can Peter honestly look back on his life and say that he is happy. Surprisingly, Peter believes he can be happy. The two men then hug and Ben’s final words before returning to the afterlife are to tell Peter he loves him and to look after May. After this encounter, Peter goes downstairs and reminds Mary Jane how much he loves her and the two retire for the night.[17]

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Dormammu, Doctor Strange, Mary Jane Watson, Aunt May, Uncle Ben, Thor, Iron Man, Mister Fantastic, Spider-Man (Earth-312500), Baron Mordo, (in the past) Sandman, Vulture, the Lizard, Electro, J. Jonah Jameson, Doctor Octopus, Betty Brant, Bennett Brant, Hulk, Green Goblin, Gwen Stacy, Morbius, Venom, Kraven the Hunter, Molten Man, Juggernaut, Scorpion, Prowler, Ringmaster, Punisher, Robot Master, Kingpin, the Spider-Slayer, Shocker, Carnage, Shanthra, Doctor Doom, Ox, Rhino, Hobgoblin, Chameleon, Digger

Continuity Notes

Warning this story has multiple references to the death of Uncle Ben

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  1. Per the Spider-Geddon Handbook #1, this future takes place on Earth-312500. As explained in Amazing Spider-Man #637, the Peter Parker of that reality went down a darker path and began killing his foes making him a wanted criminal.

  2. Here we go, the first of many references in this issue to the events of Amazing Fantasy #15.

  3. It should be pointed out that Peter is stuck roughly 11 years in the past from the present day of this story, per the Sliding Timescale.

  4. Spider-Man first fought the Sandman in Amazing Spider-Man #4 and he absolutely tried to defeat Sandman with a vacuum.

  5. A battle where Spider-Man fights the Vulture which results in him ending up in a water tower was Amazing Spider-Man #2. Which, narratively speaking doesn’t make sense (see below).

  6. Spider-Man first fought the Lizard back in Amazing Spider-Man #6.

  7. Spider-Man first fought Electro in Amazing Spider-Man #9. In that story, Peter Parker initially convinced J. Jonah Jameson that Spider-Man and Electro are the same guys.

  8. Bennett Brant was seemingly killed in Amazing Spider-Man #11. However, as revealed in Venom (vol. 2) #21, Bennett actually survived and was selected to become the new Crime Master.

  9. Spider-Man’s first battle with Mysterio in Amazing Spider-Man #13.

  10. Spider-Man’s battle with the Hulk depicted here took place in Amazing Spider-Man #14.

  11. Spider-Man was trapped in the Master Planner’s hideout in Amazing Spider-Man #33.

  12. The Goblin murdered Gwen Stacy in Amazing Spider-Man #121.

  13. There’s a lot going on here, check out the feature below….

  14. According to Civil War #2, Peter was 15 when he first become Spider-Man. Per the Sliding Timescale it’s been 11 since then so this would make it (probably) Peter’s 26th birthday.

  15. A footnote here states that the battle between Strange and Mordo would take place in an upcoming Doctor Strange limited series. However, this limited series never materialized. Strange and Mordo will next appear in She-Hulk #2 and Hulk (vol. 2) #10 respectively. However, per the Baron Mordo entry in the Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A-Z #1, this tampering with time resurrected Baron Mordo, who had previously died on cancer in Doctor Strange, Sorcerer Supreme #87.

  16. Ben recounts the night he died (Amazing Fantasy #15, remember?) and recounts how on the night in question he got into a fight with May. This confirms what May told Peter happened in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #37.

  17. Peter and Mary Jane are referred to as husband and wife here. However, not long after this, their marriage is erased by Mephisto in Amazing Spider-Man #545. As such they should be considered a common-law couple here.

Spider-Man Across the Years

In this issue, Spider-Man is forced to relive every battle he has ever fought. This story represents this with a huge two-page spread. As a fun exercise let’s measures the first time Spider-Man first fought all of these villains over the years:

YEAR ONE

  • Chameleon - Amazing Spider-Man #1

  • Vulture - Amazing Spider-Man #2

  • Doctor Octopus - Amazing Spider-Man #3

  • Sandman - Amazing Spider-Man #4

  • Doctor Doom - Amazing Spider-Man #5

  • The Lizard - Amazing Spider-Man #6

  • Electro - Amazing Spider-Man #9

  • The Ox of the Enforcers - Amazing Spider-Man #10

  • Mysterio - Amazing Spider-Man #13 (Although technically he first fought Quentin Beck in Amazing Spider-Man #2, long story)

  • Both Green Goblin and the Hulk fought Spider-Man in Amazing Spider-Man #14

  • Kraven the Hunter - Amazing Spider-Man #15

  • Ringmaster - Amazing Spider-Man #16

  • The Scorpion - Amazing Spider-Man #20

  • The Beetle - Amazing Spider-Man #21

  • The first Spider-Slayer - Amazing Spider-Man #25

  • Molten Man - Amazing Spider-Man #28

YEAR TWO

  • Robot Master - Amazing Spider-Man #37

  • The Rhino - Amazing Spider-Man #41

  • The Shocker - Amazing Spider-Man #46

  • The Kingpin - Amazing Spider-Man #50

YEAR THREE

  • The Prowler - Amazing Spider-Man #78

  • Morbius - Amazing Spider-Man #101

YEAR FOUR

  • The Punisher - Amazing Spider-Man #129

YEAR SIX

  • The Juggernaut - Amazing Spider-Man #230

  • The Hobgoblin - Amazing Spider-Man #238

YEAR SEVEN

  • Venom - Amazing Spider-Man #300

YEAR EIGHT

  • Carnage - Amazing Spider-Man #361

YEAR TEN

  • Morlun -Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #33

YEAR ELEVEN

  • Shanthra - Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #46

  • Digger - Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #51

There are a lot more characters that were omitted but you can tell there was a lot more focus on the Steve Ditko/John Romita era Spider-Man villains.

Continuity Errors

  1. If Spider-Man is reliving every moment of his life in chronological order, the battle between Spider-Man and the Vulture does not fit for a number of reasons. First of all, the only fight that early in Spider-Man’s career which features Spider-Man being knocked into a water tower was Amazing Spider-Man #2 which happens before the previous scene (Spider-Man and Sandman fighting in Amazing Spider-Man #4). It also can’t be any subsequent battle as they fall after the following sequence which shows Spider-Man’s first battle with the Lizard in Amazing Spider-Man #6. Also, in that original telling of the story, the Vulture dunks Spider-Man in the water tower himself instead of sending him falling into the water tower. But I suppose you can chalk that up to creative license.

  2. The photo J. Jonah Jameson is holding during the Electro and Spider-Man battle is a photo that shows Spider-Man holding Electro’s costume. However, this is not how the story was originally depicted. In Amazing Spider-Man #9, Peter convinces Jameson that Spider-Man was Electro by photographing himself standing in the same spot where he previously photographed Electro. Again, I suppose this was artistic license to get the point across to the readers who may not have read Amazing Spider-Man #9.

Amazing Spider-Man (Vol. 2) #58

Amazing Spider-Man (Vol. 2) #58

Amazing Spider-Man #501

Amazing Spider-Man #501