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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Amazing Spider-Man #585

Amazing Spider-Man #585

Character Assassination Part 2

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On the Two-in-One news program, hosts Samara Saffian and Michael Levin continue their commentary on the election for mayor of New York City. They announce that they are having J. Jonah Jameson on the show to give an editorial on the election.

At that same moment, Harry Osborn has just propsed to his girlfriend Lily Hollister. However, she isn’t sure if she should accept it because of his past history and the fact that they have only been dating for a short time.[1] This angers Harry who briefly loses his temper. The tense scene is interrupted when Lily gets a call from her father asking her to come to his office as he and his opponent, Randall Crowne are in a dead heat.

While in Alphabet City, Carlie Cooper has found a bag full of spider-tracers in Vin Gonzales bed room. She is caught snooping around by Vin who came back upstairs with his keys. Before she can get an explanation out of him, Vin’s partner Al comes up and tells him that Menace has just hit one of Hollister’s campeign rallies. Overhearing this from the bathroom, Peter Parker tries to talk himself out of going as Spider-Man as he just got shot, but can’t ignore the possibility that people might get hurt. While back inside, Carlie refuses to let Vin leave without explaining why he has a bag of spider-tracers in the room. Vin is upset that she is accusing him of being the spider-tracer killer. Meanwhile, Spider-Man is fighting the urge to pass out as he swings to the scene of the Hollister rally that is being attacked by Menace.

At that same moment, J. Jonah Jameson is using his editorial time to accuse Spider-Man of being the spider-tracer killer.[2] However, the news hosts question how Jameson could be so sure, pointing out that the spider-tracers could have be counterfiets.[3] As the editorial goes on, Spider-Man confronts the Menace and tires to confuse his foe with his usual banter. Unfrotunately, he gets too close and Menace begins punching him in the shoulder where he got shot, causing him a great deal of pain. He ends up falling to the ground and scrambling to stop a scaffolding from toppling on a fleeing bystanders, a task made more difficult with one arm webbed up in a makeshift sling. Unfortunately, the pain is too great and Spider-Man blacks out, causing the scaffold to fall on himself.

Back in Alphabet City, the situation is getting more and more tense between Carlie and Vin. That’s when Vin’s partner Al tells Vin to stop dicking around and admits that there are more police officers involved in the spider-tracer killings. While back at the scene of the battle, Spider-Man is trying to pull himself out of the rubble when Menace approaches the wall-crawler. Saying that the police are on their way, Menace beats Spider-Man into unconciousness and flees the scene when a squad car pulls up. Spider-Man comes to just as the police are shackling him and reading him his Miranda Rights.

By this time, Meance has returned to the Hollister campaign headquarters. In one of the offices, the Menace begins reverting back to human form. That’s when Harry Osborn — still sore over having his proposal rejected — comes in looking for Lily to talk some sense into her. He walks in on Menace just as their transformation is complete and Harry is shocked to see that the villain is none other than his girlfriend, Lily Hollister.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Menace, Harry Osborn, Vin Gonzales, J. Jonah Jameson, Al O’Neil, Samara Saffian, Michale Levin

Continuity Notes

  1. Where do you even want to start with Harry Osborn’s past? That his father has been the Green Goblin since Amazing Spider-Man #13? His past drug addiction from Amazing Spider-Man #96-99? That Harry has had frequent mental breakdowns starting in Amazing Spider-Man #122? Harry’s own stint as the Green Goblin, the first being Amazing Spider-Man #135-136? Or that he has been married before, to Liz Osborn, in Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #63? That Harry faked his death circa Spectacular Spider-Man #200? What I’m saying is that Har has a shit tone of baggage and I don’t really blame Lily for blinking.

  2. Just like practically everyone else since the first body turned up in Amazing Spider-Man #547.

  3. Jameson suggests that Smara Saffian should go and work for the Huffington Post. As that is a real worl publication it’s reference here should be considered a topical reference.

Amazing Spider-Man #584

Amazing Spider-Man #584

Amazing Spider-Man #586

Amazing Spider-Man #586