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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Amazing Spider-Man #625

Amazing Spider-Man #625

Endangered Species

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The new Rhino is training himself for the inevitable moment when he ascends and earns the right to be the Rhino. After lifting weight made out of a girder and two mack trucks he gets a call from Sasha Kravinoff, the Rhino’s “angel”, who tells him that she has found a way to make the original Rhino put his skin back on and that his moment of ascension is at hand.[1]

Meanwhile, Peter Parker has taken a public beating after J. Jonah Jameson outed him for faking a photo showing him fighting the Vulture. Waiting in the unemployment line, Peter is recognized by everyone standing in line with him. Needing someone to talk to, Peter calls Mary Jane to see if they can hang out. However, Mary Jane tells Peter to talk to any of his other friends since he has hardly talked to her since she got back to New York City, and she is far too busy with her new TV show to have Peter come crying to him about his momentary lapse in professional judgment.[2] Peter admits that he screwed up big time, but asks that they get together soon and really talk about things, surprisingly, before ending the call, Mary Jane tells him that she’d like that as well.[3] As soon as Peter is off the phone, he’s yanked from the unemployment line by Norah Winters who drags Peter to a nationalization ceremony for new citizens as a way of throwing Peter a bone while he’s down on his luck. Peter asks if she’s certain if this is a good idea, and she tells him that what Ben Urich doesn’t know, won’t hurt him. She points out that while he screwed up it doesn’t make him the pariah the press is making him out to be. Presiding over this citizenship ceremony is J. Jonah Jameson who admits to his secretary, Glory Grant, that he is looking forward to having 129 new taxpayers

As Peter Parker takes photos of the scene he spots Alexsei Sytsvich, the original Rhino, in the crowd. He is there to support his new wife, Oksana, who is officially getting her citizenship. That’s when Peter’s spider-sense beings going off, signaling the arrival of the new Rhino, who has come to earn his skin by defeating his predecessor in battle. Realizing there’s trouble, Norah finds Oksana and tells her that they need to get to cover. Spider-Man then arrives on the scene and pulls J. Jonah Jameson out of harm’s way. As he fights the new Rhino, he discovers that his hide is even tougher than the original and it can burn off his webbing. Jonah then orders officers on the scene to open fire. The bullets bounce off the Rhino’s hide and go into the crowd. Luckily, Alexei has rushed onto the scene and shields Oksana who was in the path of the ricocheting bullets. Having grown tired of the new Rhino interfering with is life, Alexei tells him that they will battle at midnight at the place where it all happened. Knowing his predacessor’s origins, the new Rhino agrees to these terms and flees the scene by punching a hole in the street to escape through the sewers. Spider-Man can’t believe that Alexei is agreeing to these terms, but he reminds Spider-Man of their earlier talk where he vowed never to become the Rhino again and how, for the sake of his wife, he would be a coward. He explains he only agreed to battle the Rhino to make him leave and that he and his wife will disappear.

In the aftermath of the battle, Norah tells Peter that her connection with the Feds tell her that since Alexei is in the witness protection program it is no problem for them to give him a new identity and get him and Oksana to safety. At that same moment, Alexei is going through the paperwork, telling Oksana that they don’t need their belongings when they have each other. When she reads the touching card that he wrote to congratulate her citizenship, telling how much he means to her, Oksana hugs Alexei and agrees they don’t need anything but each other. When it comes time to move the Sytseviches out of New York, Spider-Man sends the Avengers to meet up with the new Rhino where he first fought the original.[4] However, as they are crossing the Triborough Bridge, Spider-Man’s spider-sens begins going off. He spots a number of people being tossed off the top of the bridge and quickly weaves a net to catch them all. This serves to distract the web-slinger while the Rhino attacks the convoy. When the Rhino rams the van carrying the Sytseviches, the crash kills Oksana. The Rhino then departs as quickly as he appeared. Cradling the body of his wife, Alexei thanks her for teaching him how to be a man at least for a little while. He then confronts Spider-Man and tells the web-head that what happens next is his fault. While Spider-Man follows after the Rhino and attacks him, Alexei goes to the butcher shop where he has kept his Rhino hide stored. That’s when Alexei, the Rhino once more, confronts his would-be successor. As the two charge at each other, Spider-Man grabs Norah Winters — who followed the web-slinger — and pulls her to safety.

The force of the collision between the two Rhinos shatters the entire block and the new Rhino discovers that his high tech armor has been shattered by the full force of his predacessor’s blow. With his cybernetic systems trying to repair itself, the new Rhino panics as Alexei Systevich charges at him. Spider-Man tries to reign Alexei in with a web-line but the Rhino is too strong and he manages to pull free. He then slams into the new Rhino, sending them crashing into the side of a building that then collapses on the pair. The Rhino’s final words before being buried under tons of rubble are to say goodbye to Oksana because the man Alexei Systevich was attempting to be is dead. Devastated by what happened, Norah says that neither of them stood a chance.[5]

Later, Peter Parker finds himself back in the unemployment line in the pouring rain. After waiting in line for hours he gets to a kiosk and when he is recognized as that “lying guy” from the newspaper, Peter decides to leave. When the woman behind the counter asks if he needs extra help he tells her he doesn’t think so, and walks away.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Rhino, Rhino (Sytsevich), Oksana Systevich, Mary Jane Watson, Norah Winters, J. Jonah Jameson, Glory Grant, Sasha Kravinoff (voice only)

Continuity Notes

  1. The new Rhino has been attempting to succeed his predecessor by defeating him in battle since Amazing Spider-Man #617. However, Alexsei Sytsevich had retired from his costumed identity.

  2. Peter and Mary Jane broke up during the events of Amazing Spider-Man #545 (the details were revealed in Amazing Spider-Man #605). She was in Los Angeles trying to restart her movie career before deciding to return to New York in Amazing Spider-Man #600.

  3. The pair will have their meet up in Amazing Spider-Man #638-641.

  4. Spider-Man first fought the original Rhino back in Amazing Spider-Man #41.

  5. This story suggests that both Rhinos were killed here. However, Alexei resurfaces alive again in Amazing Spider-Man #644. As I write this (September 2020) the would-be successor to the Rhino is presumed dead. however I wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to survive this as well.

Amazing Spider-Man #624

Amazing Spider-Man #624

Amazing Spider-Man #626

Amazing Spider-Man #626