64705678_10157722991506490_777492954360053760_o.jpg

Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 3) #1

Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 3) #1

Lucky to be Alive

20 20 12 10 %h 25 05 d2mgl.png

Prelude[1]

It was that fateful moment when the radioactive spider bit Peter Parker. The incident happened in a split second. As Peter Parker began to feel dizzy and went outside, he didn’t see what else happened. The radioactive spider managed to stay alive long enough to bite someone else, a young woman, before it died.[2]

Now

The Menagerie — the White Rabbit, Hippo, Panda-Mania, and Skein) are on the run after heisting a basket of faberge eggs. They are chased by Spider-Man who unloads as many eggs puns a he does web-fluid while wrapping up these crooks. The people on the street are delighted to hear Spider-Man telling jokes again. That’s when they notice that Spider-Man is almost naked except his mask and the webbing he used to cover his privates.

How did we get here? Well……

Four Hours Earlier

Peter Parker is holding a press conference outside of Parker Industries, telling press that the reports of his death were greatly exaggerated.[3] When Natalie Long — a reporter for the Fact Channel — asks if the Goblin targeted Parker Industries due to his ties to Spider-Man. Peter admits that he designed technology for the wall-crawler, and publicly announces that he is severing all ties to the web-slinger. This comes to a relief to his primary shareholders, his Aunt May and her husband Jay Jameson. Once the press conference is over, Sajani Jaffrey — Peter’s business partner — thanks May and Jay for coming. Jay also uses this opportunity to ask where Peter has been disappearing for weeks at a time. Peter realizes that he’s going to have to answer to a lot of things that Otto Octavius did while he controlled his body.[4] He can’t answer, but promises he won’t be disappearing anytime in the future, something Sajani assures them she’ll make sure of. Watching his aunt walk away without a cane, Peter remarks that her limp was fixed by Octavius, and admits that his old foe did some good at least.[5]

As Peter is hoping there won’t be any more surprises waiting for him, Anna Maria Marconi arrives at Peter’s apartment having heard that he is still alive. She finds no sign of Peter but after a quick call to Parker Industries she learns that he is there. Having lost her purse when she was kidnapped by the Goblin, she looks through Peter’s closet to find her spare set of car keys. There she finds a ring and a note from “Peter” going over how he plans to propose to her.

Meanwhile, the Fact Channel continues its coverage of the aftermath of the Goblin Nation’s attack on the city. In upstate New York, they report on how Electro staged a jail break at Conway Penitentiary, followed by a report on the Avengers efforts to round up the last of the Goblin’s gang. This is followed by a segment about how mayor J. Jonah Jameson quit his post after the Spider-Slayers he commission were hacked by the Goblin. Watching the press conference from his home, Jameson furiously throws a mug at his television. He thinks he’s finished when he remembers that he used to run the Daily Bugle. As he heads out to try and get his old job back he discovers that his resignation is on the front page of the paper he used to run, needless to say, Jameson is not pleased with the headline that focuses on his disgraceful resignation.

Back at Parker Industries, Peter is being shown the latest designs for nano-tech cybernetics that “he” had been developing. When Sajani says he needs to help with a new flaw that has come up, Peter realizes that he is in over his head since Doctor Octopus was the expert on cybnernetics. He briefly considers trying to find a way to access Otto’s memories and decides against going down that road. Peter decides to suck it up and asks his employees to pride him with the plans so he can go over them and is disturbed to discover they are all afraid of him. Sajani then takes Peter back to his private lab so he can get to work getting rid of all the Spider-Man gear in there. She leaves him to do the job with his robotic assistant, the Living Brain. Peter tells the robot to stop calling him doctor until he discovers a diploma and realizes that, thanks to Doctor Octopus, he actually has a doctorate.[6]

In order to relieve himself of some stress, Peter decides to go out web-slinging as Spider-Man. This is exactly what Peter needed and he realizes how much he missed being able to do this. It’s here that he hears a burglar alarm and goes to check it out, unaware that a woman is watching him from the shadows. The robbery turned out to be the Menagerie, whose number also includes Skein, a mutant with the ability to mentally control fabrics.[7] When Spider-Man arrived on the scene, Skein used her powers to make the wall-crawler’s costume unravel. He quickly knocks out Skein, but realizes that he is suddenly nude from the neck down. Spider-Man quickly webbed up his privates as a crowd of people begin snapping photos on their phones.

This embarrassing moment becomes a viral sensation and watched all over New York. At Avengers Tower, Spider-Woman is convinced that Peter Parker is back because something like this could only happen to him. However, Captain America has yet to be convinced. At his favorite bar, the Human Torch sees the news and gets a huge laugh. When Mary Jane sees this, she calls Parker an idiot and closes the lid to her laptop.

Now

Despite the fact that he is mostly naked, Spider-Man continues to pursue the Menagerie. He takes down the entire group but instead of praise, the people on the street start calling Spider-Man a freak for fighting crime in make-shift underwear. As Peter swings off, he is a little disappointed that everyone hates him again, and sarcastically thanks Doc Ock for ruining his public reputation he worked so hard on building. When he returns to his apartment, Peter quickly changes into some clothes and walks out into his bedroom. There he finds Anna Maria Marconi waiting for him and she tells him that they need to talk.

She shows him the footage of Spider-Man running around the city almost naked and asks why he hasn’t told her he’s Spider-Man. Peter, who is trying to figure out if he and Anna Maria are living together tries to deny it. However, she points out that Spider-Man has three freckles below his belly-button that are identical to Peter’s. Peter is suddenly bashful and speechless when Anna Maria points out that they had sex before.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, The Menagerie (White Rabbit, Hippo, Panda-Mania, Skein), Sajani Jaffrey, Living Brain, Aunt May, Jay Jameson, J. Jonah Jameson, Avengers (Captain America, Iron Man, Spider-Woman), Electro, Natalie Long, Human Torch, Mary Jane Watson, Black Cat (unidentified), Cindy Moon (flashback)

Continuity Notes

  1. The caption here states that the events of Amazing Fantasy #15 took place 13 years prior to this story. Comparing this to the Sliding Timescale, this is an accurate measurement of time.

  2. This unidentified woman is later revealed to be Cindy Moon. We’ll learn more about her in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 3) #4.

  3. When the Green Goblin launched a city wide attack, Otto Octavius (who had control of Peter’s body at the time) faked Peter Parker’s death so he could work on a solution unhindered. See Superior Spider-Man #27-31.

  4. Otto took over Peter’s life in Amazing Spider-Man #698, Peter had just recently took his life back in Superior Spider-Man #31.

  5. May was injured when the city was attacked by Terminus in Amazing Spider-Man #694. She needed a cane to get around until Otto created a cybernetic implant that fixed her disability in Superior Spider-Man #23.

  6. Otto Octavius first started working on the cybernetic implant to cure May’s condition he discovered that Peter Parker didn’t have a PhD in Superior Spider-Man #4. He started attending classes at Empire State University, where he eventually earned his degree in Superior Spider-Man #21.

  7. It’s mentioned here that Skein used to call herself Gypsy Moth. Sybil Dvorak called her Gypsy Moth when she first appeared in Spider-Woman #10. She later changed her name to Skein in Thunderbolts #67. The name change came when she briefly reformed and joined the Thunderbolts. Editorially speaking, Marvel probably changed her name because the word gypsy has since become a pejorative term.

Recapturing That Old Spark

A Couple of Nights Ago…

Electro walks into the Bar With No Name and orders his usual drink. He asks Deke the bartender who all the villains are, since he noticed that the guy in the Melter costume is not the guy he used to know. Deke explains that these are all new guys who are licensing out criminal identities from the Hobgoblin.[1]

When Electro calls them all losers, they in turn begin mocking Electro’s most recent losses which included being defeated by Thor, being enslaved by Spider-Man, and then getting beaten by the Punisher.[2] As Max Dillon’s temper begins to grow, Deke reminds him that there is a no fighting rule in his bar. Deke them points out that these newbies don’t have any respect, reminding Electro he was the guy who staged a break-out at the Raft.[3] He tells them all that they should have more respect because after that, Electro didn’t pay for a drink for an entire year. This still doesn’t elicit any respect, and Deke dismisses this as the younger generation only think about what someone has done for them recently.

Electro decides to repeat the Raft break-out, but when he arrives at the shores outside the prison he discovers that the decommissioned prison became Spider-Man’s headquarters before it was destroyed during the Green Goblin’s attack on the city.[4] Learning that all the inmates were moved upstate to the Conway Penitentiary he goes there to free them. Electro uses his powers to blast open the prison and for a brief moment his powers rage out of control and he can’t stop them. Eventually, the painful process stops. When Electro eventually recovers he blames the changes to his power by the experiments that Spider-Man conducted on him when he was the web-slinger’s prisoner and vows to get revenge.

Recurring Characters

Electro, 8-Ball, Answer, Gibbon, Hitman, Hydro-Man, Killer Shrike, Melter, Ringer, Squid, Tiger Shark, Unicorn

Continuity Notes

  1. The Hobgoblin started licensing out super-villain identities as a side business in Amazing Spider-Man #697.

  2. The Punisher has been having a tough time of it recently:

    • Electro got sucked into Thor’s hammer and sent into space in Amazing Spider-Man #683.

    • Electro was later captured by the Otto Octavius Spider-Man in Avenging Spider-Man #18. He was later forced into being Otto’s Superior Six in Superior Spider-Man Team-Up #5-7.

    • More recently, Electro got his ass handed to him by the Punisher in Punisher (vol. 10) #4-6.

  3. Electro staged a break-out at the Raft back in New Avengers #1.

  4. After killing the Spider-Slayer, Otto Octavius blackmailed J. Jonah Jameson into giving him the Raft as a headquarters, which he renamed Spider-Island Two. It was later destroyed by the Goblin Nation. See Superior Spider-Man #11-13 and 27-31.

Crossed Paths

Thinking back to that day, the Black Cat recounts her last encounter with Spider-Man. The web-slinger punched her out after a robbery and left her webbed up for the police.[1] She had never been betrayed like this ever in her life. She was arrested, and her mug shot was taken. Soon, the FBI was cleaning out all the stolen goods in her home. Her standing in the criminal underworlds was ruined. Worse, Spider-Man publicly dismissed her as nothing.

In prison, the Black Cat tried to keep her head down and out of trouble. She thought about how she let her guard down and eventually came to decide that when she got out, she’d track down Spider-Man and toy with him until ultimately destroying him. During her time in prison, Felicia made an enemy of one of the other female prisoners.

Then, on the night that Electro did his jail break, Felicia gave her prison rival her comeuppance. With the electricity cut from the prison, the power dampeners were shut off, allowing Felicia to access her bad luck powers. When Electro’s powers then shattered the prison, the Black Cat’s powers cause her rival to killed in falling rubble. Felicia was able to walk out of the prison untouched by Electro’s flaring powers.

Now free, the Black Cat returned to New York City and began stalking Spider-Man in order to get her revenge.

Recurring Characters

Black Cat, Spider-Man (Octavius), Spider-Man (Parker) J. Jonah Jameson

Continuity Notes

  1. Yeah, the Otto Octavius Spider-Man strikes again. See Superior Spider-Man #20.

How My Stuff Works

Spider-Man his abilities to the readers. He shows off his spider-strength by lifting a large bolder. His spider-sense and wall-clinging abilities are shown off when he evades and attack from the Hulk. He then demonstrates how his web-shooters work and webs up some crooks. He then talks about his personal life, showing off a cardboard cutout of everyone that knows his secret identity, before swinging off.[1]

Continuity Notes

  1. This is a showcase of all of the characters to date that know Spider-Man’s secret identity post Amazing Spider-Man #545 when Spider-Man made a deal with Mephisto to walk back his public unmasking in Civil War #2. These people are:

    • Mary Jane Waston: She is one of the few people who were unaffected by this spell. According to Marvel Graphic Novel #46, she has known Peter’s secret since the day his Uncle Ben was murdered in Amazing Fantasy #15. She kept this a secret until she revealed to Peter she knew the truth in Amazing Spider-Man #257.

    • Anna Maria Marconi found out the truth earlier in this issue.

    • Miles Morales is the Spider-Man of the Ultimate Universe (Earth-1610), he succeed the Peter Parker of his world as Spider-Man when Parker died in Ultimate Comics Spider-Man (vol. 2) #3. He met the Peter Parker of Earth-616 in Spider-Men #1-5.

    • Carlie Cooper dated Peter Parker from Amazing Spider-Man #647 until #673. She broke up with Peter when she discovered he was Spider-Man.

    • Spider-Man 2099 first learned Peter’s identity in Spider-Man 2099 Meets Spider-Man #1. His memory of Peter’s identity was unaffected by the memory erasure from Amazing Spider-Man #545 because, apparently, the spell didn’t affect people from different realities (Spider-Man 2099 is from Reality-928)

    • Julia Carpenter, the second Spider-Man, learned Peter Parker’s identity when she became the new Madame Web in Amazing Spider-Man #637.

    • Peter originally revealed his identity to the Fantastic Four in Spider-Man/Human Torch #5. He revealed his identity to them again in Amazing Spider-Man #590-591.

    • Kaine, aka the Scarlet Spider, has known Peter Parker’s identity because he’s a clone of Parker.

    • The Jackal discovered Parker’s identity years ago as revealed in Amazing Spider-Man #149. The Jackal apparently was unaffected by the spell because he dabbles in cloning Peter Parker all the time.

    • Wolverine, Winter Soldier, Hawkeye, Mockingbird, Luke Cage, Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, Dani Cage, Spider-Woman, and Captain Marvel all learned Spider-Man’s identity in New Avengers #51.

    • Captain America also learned Peter’s identity post ASM #545. There’s no specific unmasking, but Peter was depicted unmasked around Cap for the first time in Avenging Spider-Man #5.

Topical References

  • Dated pop-culture references: Game of Thrones, XBox

Homecoming, Sort Of

An armored car robbery was stopped on FDR Drive by Spider-Man 2099. As he leaves the scene and swings into Washington Heights, he can’t help but think he will eventually live in this area decades in the future.[1]

That’s when he enhanced vision picks up a woman getting mugged. While Spider-Man debates getting involved, the woman pulls out a can of mace and sprays one of the men in the face. That’s when one of the muggers pulls a gun, Spider-Man swings in to stop them. He knocks the crooks out and is surprised when the woman slaps him in the face.

She tells Spider-Man that she didn’t need any help and storms off, telling him that he can call the cops. Spider-Man is confused and wonders what is wrong with people in this decade. When one of the crooks tries to offer his opinion, Spider-Man punches him out. Still, the woman he just met has piqued his interest.

This story is continued in Spider-Man 2099 (vol. 2) #1…

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man 2099, Tempest Monroe (unidentified)

Continuity Notes

  1. Spider-Man 2099 was trapped in the modern era after preventing his grandfather from being assassinated. He has since decided to work for Alchemax and prevent it from becoming the tyrannical mega-corp it is in his own time. See Superior Spider-Man #17-19.

Kaine

After taking back his life, Peter Parker has decided to find out what happened to Kaine, one of his clones. He thinks about how Kaine was an imperfect clone created by Miles Warren.[1] Due to a cellular degeneration, Kaine constantly attacked Peter although his motives were never always clear.[2] However, more recently, Kaine was cured during Spider-Island.[3]

Peter has followed Kaine’s trail to Houston where he speaks with an employee of the hotel he was staying at until recently. The woman, Courtney Johnson, tells him how Kaine turned into some kind of spider-monster and slew a creature call Shathra outside of the hotel.[4] Hearing this, Peter realizes that Kaine has become the latest host for the Other, an entity he himself had rejected.[5] His conversation is overheard by Donald Meland, who also had some past history with Kaine and assumes that Peter is Kaine’s brother and asks why he is looking for him. Peter explains that he and Kaine recently fought and that he wanted to explain he wasn’t acting like himself.[6]

Meland tells Peter that Kaine was always angry and never saw himself as a hero. He is concerned for Kaine since he once saved Donald’s life when he and his husband were kidnapped by Kraven the Hunter.[7] Donald concludes by telling Peter that if he is concerned that Kaine is going down the wrong path to ask people around Houston what they think about the Scarlet Spider.

What he learns is that when Kaine arrived in Houston, he put on a costume and began fighting crime. Aware of it or not, the Scarlet Spider was living up to Peter’s personal mantra, with great power comes great responsibility.[8] While he didn’t fully approve of Kaine’s methods, he returns home convinced that Kaine became a hero in his own right and hopes that wherever he is, he’s found peace. As Peter Parker flies back to New York, the Scarlet Spider is fighting the Evolutionaries alongside his teammates in the New Warriors.

Recurring Characters

Scarlet Spider, Spider-Man, Courtney Johnson, Donald Meland, New Warriors (Justice, Speedball, Nova, Sun Girl, Hummingbird, Water Snake), Evolutionaries

Continuity Notes

  1. For more on Kaine’s creation see Spider-Man #61.

  2. Kaine started terrorizing Peter Parker’s life in Web of Spider-Man #118

  3. Spider-Island took place in Amazing Spider-Man #666-673.

  4. Kaine battled Shathra in Scarlet Spider (vol. 2) #25.

  5. Peter Parker was originally selected to be the host for the Other during The Other: Evolve or Die story arc (Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #1-4, Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #19-22, and Amazing Spider-Man #525-528), he rejected the Other in Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #21-22. Kaine was selected to be the next host for the Other in Amazing Spider-Man #637, as explained in Scarlet Spider (vol. 2) #13-15.

  6. This is because this was when Otto Octavius possessed Peter’s body. See Superior Spider-Man Team-Up #2 and Scarlet Spider (vol. 2) #20.

  7. Kraven kidnapped all of Kaine’s friends in Scarlet Spider (vol. 2) #21-23. Although Kaine saved everyone, Donald was disembowelled and needed extensive surgery. His appearance right here? Pooping in a colostomy bag the whole time. (probably)

  8. Of the various moments of Kaine’s career shown here two can be specifically identified: When he a bunch of crooks dressed like Santa Claus in Scarlet Spider (vol. 2) #12 and fought the Armadillo in issue #16.

Topical References

  • The hotel that Kaine was staying at is identified as the Four Seasons Hotel in Houston Texas. This should be considered a topical reference because the Four Seasons is a real world corporation.

Amazing Reality

Clayton Cole is an exceptionally bright boy that has grown bored with all of his science fair wins. Still, he expects his new sonic pulse generator will win big at the upcoming science fair. Clayton imagines that he is going to make it famous as a billionaire/physicist/rockstar. When his mother tells him that he has some spare time after their syllabus tomorrow, he tells her that he’s probably going to check out a physics demonstration. In reality, Clayton is going to check out a wrestling match and tries to get his friends to come with him. Unfortunately, they all bail on him and he ends up going alone.

The night in question Crusher Hogan is challenging anyone who can last five minutes in the ring with him for a cash prize.[1] That’s when Peter Parker (his identity obscured with a makeshift mask) takes Hogan up on his offer. As Peter uses his newfound spider-powers to make a fool out of Crusher Hogan, Clayton Cole records the entire spectacle on his cell phone. Rushing him, Clayton uploads it to the internet and watches as the video goes viral.

In the coming days, Clayton learns that the mystery man has started calling himself Spider-Man and is planning on putting on a show at the Ed Sullivan Theater. Clayton is among the people gathered in line to get in to see the show. Looking down a nearby alley, Clayton witnesses a burglar breaking in through the back door. Clayton is about to look for a cop to report this, but decides against it when nobody is willing to keep his place in line.

Inside the theater, Clayton is awed when Spider-Man shows off his strength, agility, wall-crawler ability and his web-shooters. Afterwards, Clayton gets an autograph and gets close enough to Spider-Man to learn that he’s a teenager around the same age as him. Clayton is almost walking on air when he leaves the theater, he doesn’t notice security guards chasing the thief out of the building moments later. Clayton goes back home and, inspired by Spider-Man, begins designing a costume of his own.

Recurring Characters

Clayton Cole, Spider-Man, Crusher Hogan, Maxie Shiffman, Burglar

Continuity Notes

  1. This story, of course, takes place during the events of Amazing Fantasy #15. It’s interesting to point out that the cash prize for Crusher’s challenge is partially obscured but could be $1000. The amount the prize is a topical reference and has changed to be an enticing amount for a given era. For example, back in Amazing Fantasy #15 the prize was $100, which was a lot of money in 1962.

Amazing Spider-Man in the 2010s (Part 2)

Amazing Spider-Man in the 2010s (Part 2)

Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 3) #1.1

Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 3) #1.1