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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Captain America #444

Captain America #444

Hope and Glory

A group of high-tech terrorists have kidnapped the President of the United States, three Secret Service Agents, and a camera man and are holed up in the Jefferson Memorial in Washington, DC. Detective James McElroy is put in charge of the situation for the police. The terrorists are demanding to speak with Captain America, and only Captain America. When he calls for the hero to come, McElroy is annoyed when the Avengers show up without Cap. They only have twenty minutes to produce Captain America of else the terrorists are going to set off a bomb that will wipe out the entire US capital.

The Avengers have not gone public with the fact that Captain America has gone missing or that they have no idea if he is still alive or dead.[1] With no time to lose, Quicksilver speeds into the monument and manages to grab one of the hostages and carries him to safety before the terrorist holding him blows up. However, this plot won’t work a second time, as the remaining terrorists are realigning their force fields to cause them to all blow up at once if another hostage is taken. Once again they demand to see and speak with Captain America, and only Captain America.

Flustered by the situation, Detective McElroy questions what the big deal about Captain America is. This angers the Avengers defend their former leader, reminding McElroy that he has been fighting for this country since before he was born. However, with time quickly dwindling, the Black Widow decides that they cannot keep the truth a secret any long, at least not from McElroy. They tell James about Cap’s medical problems and how he went missing a few weeks earlier. McElroy believes they are doomed to failure without Cap, but Giant-Man refuses to give up. Recounting how Captain America survived a drone explosion and going into suspended animation for decades, he points to the fact that the Captain has cheated death time and time again.[2] Even though the terrorists found a strategic place to hole up, Quicksilver also believes that they can come up with a strategy to save the hostages, saying that Cap could have come up with a plan. When the Widow reiterates that Cap isn’t here, Pietro insists that miracles are possible, pointing to how Cap was able to turn three reformed criminals — himself, his sister the Scarlet Witch, and Hawkeye — into the next team of Avengers.[3]

Meanwhile, one of the local cops has decided to dress up like Captain America in order to trick the terrorists into talking to him instead. However, as he is riding a motorcycle out to the Jefferson Monument, Deathcry notices that their shield prop has been painted wrong — it doesn’t have the right number of red and white circles — and she races out to stop him. The terrorists are also have a keen sense of detail and see right through the decoy and begin shooting. Luckily, the Shi’ar warrior is able to pull the officer out of harm’s way before he can be seriously hurt.

With 10 minutes left to go, McElroy tells the Avengers to stop feeding him prose about Captain America’s many exploits. He reminds them all that Cap was just an ordinary man, not a god. This angers Hercules all over again who tells him that Captain America is one of the most revered mortals in all of Olympus, saying that when the gods measure courage they measure themselves against Cap.[4] While Hercules is making his speech, Deathcry tells the Black Widow something she noticed when rescuing the officer earlier that might give them the solution they have all been looking for. The Avengers then head out to deal with the terrorists once and for all.

Using her elemental powers, Crystal is able to create a waterspout that comes up out of the floor of the memorial that carries the hostages away to safety. The Avengers then surround the monument to pen the terrorists in while Crystal creates a whirlwind to throw the terrorists and their bulky suits of high tech armor into the Potomac River where they all harmlessly explode. However, she manages to miss their leader who manages to grab Quicksilver from behind while they are all assessing the damage done to the Jefferson Memorial. He threatens to blow himself and Pietro up if the Avengers do exactly what he orders them to do.

Suddenly, a shield comes flying in and smacks the terrorist in the back of the head, knocking him out. At first, the Avengers are all in shock because they think that Captain America has finally arrived. However, it quickly turns out that the shield thrower was actually James McElroy. The detective — inspired by all the stories about the real Captain America — decided to finally act. Taking the fake shield that the decoy was going to use he came to lend a hand, saving Pietro’s life in the process. However, this situation makes the Black Widow realize that they can no longer keep Cap’s disappearance a secret. When the Avengers emerge from the memorial and address the media, she tells them the news about Captain America’s declining health and the fact that he has gone missing and is most probably dead.

However, the Black Widow would be wrong, as at a secret facility two individuals are watching the news coverage.[5] One of them was responsible for the terrorist attack and they wanted to force the Avengers to admit that Cap was missing and presumed dead. This was very important for the mission they have ahead of them. When the other asks what Captain America would think about this kind of cloak-and-dagger work. The mystery man masterminding this operation is amused and tells his compatriot to wake the hero up and ask him. Nearby a group of scientists are preparing to free Captain America’s body from a block of ice.

Recurring Characters

Avengers (Black Widow, Giant-Man, Quicksilver, Hercules, Crystal, Deathcry), James McElroy, Red Skull, Sharon Carter (both unidentified), Captain America

Continuity Notes

  1. Captain America’s Super-Soldier Serum had been wearing out since Captain America #425, leading to his body shutting down by the end of last issue. His body disappeared from his room in Avengers Mansion without a trace. Next issue we’ll discover he was kidnapped by the Red Skull.

  2. Giant-Man is of course referencing Cap’s final mission during World War II that ended with him going into suspended animation for decades until he was found and revived by Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. See Avengers #4.

  3. When the original Avengers decided to take a leave of absence, they left Captain America in charge of the group. In Avengers #16, Cap recruited Hawkeye, Quicksilver, and Scarlet Witch on the team. All three were former criminals seeking to reform. Hawkeye got caught up in Russian espionage over his love of the Black Widow as seen in Tales of Suspense #54, 60, and 64. While Pietro and his sister Wanda were members of Magneto’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants from X-Men #4 to 11.

  4. The Captain America flashback during Hercules’ flowery speech is from the time the first time he stopped the Red Skull from using the Cosmic Cube as seen in Tales of Suspense #79-81.

  5. These two individuals are the Red Skull and Sharon Carter, as we’ll learn next issue.

Topical References

  • The President of the United States is depicted as Bill Clinton in this story. He was President from 1993 to 2001. His appearance here should be considered topical.

  • McElroy quips that this hostage situation is “getting higher ratings than a Ford Bronco”, this is a reference to the OJ Simpson murder case, one of the most publicized criminal cases of all time. When former NFL player OJ Simpson became the chief suspect in the murder of his ex-wife, Nichole Brown, he attempted to flee the police. This led to an hours long televised police chase that resulted in hours of live news footage of Simpson’s white Ford Bronco. This happened on June 18, 1994 and was referenced everywhere for years. This should also be considered a topical reference as it was a current event at the time this story was published.

Captain America #443

Captain America #443

Captain America #445

Captain America #445