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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Captain America Comics #58

Captain America Comics #58

Crime On Cue

Peter Sazlo is a wood carver who immigrated to America from Europe and set up his own woodcarving business. Although his carvings are works of art, they frighten any potential customer. With his business going sour, Peter goes out to try and drum up business. The local blacksmith rejects an offer to make him a sign, as do a local stage magician and the owner of a China shop. With all his options up, he recalls back in Europe how he was chastised over not honing his skills more, choosing instead to enjoy the works of Shakespeare. Inspired by Shakespeare, Peter returns to his shop and dresses up like his latest wooden statue of death and decides to use crime to get revenge against Americans as the Statue of Death.

The next evening William Nasland and Fred Davis are out on the town. Getting a newspaper, William notices the Statue of Death's challenge in the classified section of the paper, leaving a clue in a quote from "King Richard III" which reads "My kingdom for a horse". Changing into Captain America and Bucky, the two heroes decide to investigate. With the clue, Cap deduces that the Statue of Death is going to attack the local blacksmith. They arrive on the scene too late and find that he blacksmith has been murdered. Searching for clues, they find another quote, this time from "Hamlet" stating "The play is the thing".

They correctly deduce that he next murder is going to be attempted at the theater nearby. During the magicians performance, Captain America and Bucky arrive just in time to stop the Statue of Death from attacking the entertainer with a wooden sword. However, the Statue manages to escape and Cap finds another quote, this one from the "Merchant of Venice" which reads "The quality of money is not strained". They notice that a nearby shop is called "Mercy's Quality Shop" and they attack the Statue of Death there. However, the Statue has set up a trap for them and flees the scene leaving scraps of a book of Shakespeare to lead them into it.

In a darkened alleyway, the duo jumps what they think is the Statue of Death, but merely a wood carving and end up falling into a pit. The Statue appears at the mouth of the pit and gloats how the wood carving has a bomb in it that will explode and leaves them to die. With sixty seconds to spare, Cap and Bucky manage to climb up by reaching a bucket on a rope and pulling themselves out of the pit with just seconds to spare. When the Statue of Death goes back to check on them after hearing the explosion, the two heroes get the drop on him and knock him out. The Statue of Death is then turned over to the authorities.

Recurring Characters

Captain America, Bucky

Continuity Notes

  • Per What If? #4, the appearances of Captain America and Bucky in this story are attributed to William Nasland and Fred Davis. This story also marks the last Golden Age Captain America comic that is attributed to Nasland. Starting next issue appearances of Captain America are attributed to Jeff Mace.

Dead Man Talks

Detective Mike Trapp and Pepper Burns are called to scene where "Big Chips" Malone, the towns big time gambler, was murdered. There they find the two men who were at he scene. They explain that Big Chips tried to cheat them out of a poker game, and when they protested he pulled a gun on them and they were forced to shoot him out of self defence. Looking at he body, Trapp realizes they are lying and has them arrested. At police headquarters, he gets a confession that the murdered Malone in cold blood. When they asked Trapp how he figured it out, the detective explains that Malone's holster was on his right shoulder and that after they shot him dead they made the mistake of sticking the gun in his right hand as well when Malone was left handed.

Recurring Characters

Detective Mike Trapp, Pepper Burns

The Sportsman of Crime

At a local prison Jim "Pearly" Gates, a notorious sports gambler is about to be released from prison. He meets with the warden who warns him to remain a law abiding citizen, however Gates secretly is planning a new scheme.

Free from prison, it appears as though Jim Gates is getting back into the sports rackets when he gathers together his own gang and begin a new method of sports related crimes. The following day, William Nasland and Fred Davis are watching a polo match that is suddenly interrupted when Gates (calling himself the Sportsman) and his gang interfere with the match and then start demanding that the crowd hand over their valuables. In the confusion William and Fred change into Captain America and Bucky and attack. Hopping on horseback, Cap and Bucky try to capture the Sportsman but he manages to escape when Bucky accidentally collides with Cap's horse. Recognizing Gates, Cap goes to the authorities and puts an all point bulletin for his arrest. While the police search for Gates, the Sportsman and his gang rob a baseball box office.

Meanwhile, some of the Sportsman's victims come to the chief of police to demand action. There, Captain America questions Sonny Fenton a sports promoter who once had a relationship with Gates. Cap learns that Gates once hijacked $50,000 from Fenton from a golf match he promoted. Searching all local sporting events to find out which is the most likely and correctly deduce that it will be the hockey game where the wealthy Vandervines have reserved a whole box. Sure enough, the Sportsman and his gang attack the hockey game, using bombs to break open the ice and unleash the ammonia gas to put the audience asleep.

With bandanna's tied around their faces, Captain America and Bucky swing into action. However during the fight the Sportsman manages to get away by throwing a puck at Cap's head. Later, Captain America begins considering why Jim Gates has taken no time to disguise himself, and that he is never committing his crimes with his glasses, which he usually needs due to the fact that he has bad vision. Following a hunch, Cap and Bucky go to Fenton's house and find Jim Gates tied up in the basement. Freeing him they learn that Fenton captured Jim shortly after he was released from prison and began posing as Gates to commit his crimes in order to reap a lot of money while implicating his old friend.

Telling the two heroes that Fenton intends to steal the gate receipts at the outboard motor steeplechase. Rushing there, Captain America and Bucky use speedboats to force Fenton and his men to crash their boats. Fighting the Sportsman, Cap easily bests him in battle, knocking off his Gates' disguise and turning him over to the police. Later, Captain America and Bucky meet with Jim Gates, who tells them that he is going straight.

Recurring Characters

Captain America, Bucky

The Wax Doctor

Three artists, Elena King, Jim and Allen have their regular dinner meeting. During the conversation they talk about their collage Anthony Lane, a former doctor who left his profession to work in wax sculptures who left town six months earlier due to his mental state. Suddenly, a telegram boy comes with a telegram from Elena King. Reading it, Elena tells her friends that it's a threat from Anthony Lane, demanding that she pay a $10,000 ransom or be transformed into a wax sculpture, telling her to leave the money at the Old Dale Cemetery. While Allen thinks they should call his friend the Human Torch, the others dismiss it as a joke. Later, Elena is back at her apartment she is unaware that she is not alone.

The next morning Allen goes to Jim's apartment to tell Jim that he too got a ransom note from Anthony as well. They rush to Elena's apartment and are shocked to find that she has seemingly been transformed into a statue of wax. By this point, Allen calls his friend the Human Torch. At police headquarters, the Torch and Toro go over the evidence with Allen and the chief of police when Jim arrives with a ransom note of his own.

The Torch decides to set a trap for Anthony and sends Jim off to place phony money at the drop off spot. When someone comes to collect the money, the Human Torch attempts to stop their getaway car but is doused in a chemical that prevents him from flaming on and knocks him out. Seeing the Torch go down, Toro rushes to his mentors aid and is horrified to find that the Torch has also seemingly been transformed into a wax statue. Toro vows to avenge the Torch's seeming demise.

However, the Torch is alive and well, merely kidnapped with a wax statue left behind. He is being held at a chemical company where the Wax Master explains his plot. The Wax Master then leaves the Torch to die by way of boiling cauldron of wax while they go and collect from Jim. However, before the wax can boil over, Toro bursts in having found a canister of the gas used to incapacitate the Torch and traced it back to the company that made it. He quickly frees the Torch and two flame on and stop the Wax Master from terrorizing Jim. They unmask the Wax Master and are surprised to find that "he" is really Elena King. She explains that she got the idea to pose as Anthony Lane after Lane died in Cuba a number of weeks prior.

Recurring Characters

Human Torch, Toro

The House of Hate

Captain America and Bucky are aboard a bus with two suspects that they are taking to police headquarters for questioning about their involvement in a gambling syndicate. Also aboard the bus with them are a newly wed couple, the husband's father disowned him for marrying a saleswoman. Also aboard is ageing actor Derek Devens. As they drive through a powerful storm they find that the storm has washed out a bridge, and the road behind them has been flooded. With no way to advance they decide to seek refuge in a nearby abandoned mansion.

Inside, they find that the property has been abandoned a long time ago. They all find the place gives off a feeling of foreboding but all find rooms for the night. Alone in their room, Cap and Bucky wonder why the house has been abandoned. Meanwhile, in another room the bus driver and Derek Devens prepare for bed. The bus driver begins heckling Devens for getting old and losing his skill to age. Enraged, the two men start fighting and Devens kills the driver with a sabre. Hearing the driver's death scream, Cap and Bucky rush into their room and are attacked by Devens. During the altercation, Devens is accidentally stabbed with the sabre and dies as well.

The bridge of the newly weds panics and tries to flee the house in the storm but is pulled back in by Bucky. Her husband snaps at Bucky and pushes him aside before they retire to their room. Cap notes the man's sudden mood swing and wonders what sort of effect the house has on them. In their room, the husband begins thinking how he lost his family fortune and suddenly goes mad with the idea of killing his wife in order to get his family fortune back. He begins strangling his new bride, her screams drawing Captain America and Bucky to their aid. Cap lands a punch on the man, knocking him back to his senses, and he has no memory of his attack on his wife. Suddenly, his wife goes mad and tries to kill him but is subdued by the heroes. Realizing that something is causing the couple to go mad, they lock them into separate rooms and try to figure out what to do about their situation.

Soon Captain America and Bucky begin to feel the effects of the house, which is witnessed by the two men they captured. As the two heroes part company, the two crooks go to each Cap and Bucky and convince one to fight the other. However, as they fight in the living room they bump into a gramophone turning it on. They hear a recording left by the houses former owner Jason Tombs. He explains that this is a house of hate, and that it has a legacy of murder going back generations when the first Tombs murdered his brother while the house was under construction. He explains that everyone who stays in the houses evil walls suddenly feels compelled to murder. The recording causes Captain America and Bucky to snap out of it. They then chase after the two crooks who convinced them to fight. Chased up to the roof of the house, the two men suddenly turn on each other and kill themselves.

Returning to the inside of the house, Cap and Bucky realize that the house is on fire and rescue Mark Smith and his wife and get out just before the house burns to the ground. As the house collapses the heroes find that the storm had lifted and that its now dawn.

Recurring Characters

Captain America, Bucky

Captain America Comics #57

Captain America Comics #57

Captain America Comics #59

Captain America Comics #59