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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Fantastic Four #315

Fantastic Four #315

No Way Out!

With the possibility that he could be trapped on the alien world of Arcturus IV after being banished there by the Cat-People, Morbius the Living Vampire had written a diary detailing his journeys there..

This diary recounts how when he passed through the portal at the end of the River to Oblivion he found himself on the distant alien world. There he met that world's telepathic ruler Lord I. With his telepathic abilities Lord I deduces that Morbius had recently had an encounter with the Caretakers. Lord I explained to the living vampire how the Caretakers were the ancestors of the people who lived on the planet now. After centuries of innovation and controlled evolution, the Caretakers left Arcturus 12000 years earlier. Lord I explained in the ensuing years, as more displaced people ended up in Arcturus, he learned that the Caretakers had crash-landed on Earth and continued their work. However after they tried to outlaw natural reproduction which was being replaced by genetic engineering, a war broke out and the Caretakers wiped themselves out in nuclear war, leaving only primitive man to claim the Earth. Lord I then concluded his tale to Morbius by telling him that he and his people cannot die thanks to the genetic tampering done on them by the Caretakers. Showing Morbius the last functioning space ship on the planet, Lord I charged Morbius with the mission of returning to Earth and slaying the Caretakers in revenge. Before leaving, Morbius wrote everything down for whoever might come across it later.

... Sometime later that person turned out to be Master Pandemonium, ended up in Arcturus by trying to escape the Cat-People along the River to Oblivion. Finding himself trapped on that alien world, Pandemonium discovered the writings of Morbius, but no way to get off the planet. Exiled on this alien planet, Master Pandemonium -- so close to regaining the missing fragments of his soul -- curses the demon Mephisto who is responsible for him being in this predicament. He recalls how sometime earlier he was mere Martin Preston who got into a horrific automobile accident that severed both his arms. As he was bleeding out he visited by Mephisto who saved his life by placing demons where his arms used to be. However the next morning he Preston awoke to find a star-shaped hole in his chest. Mephisto then reappeared and told him that he needed to recover his soul fragments, five in all, hidden in different places in reality. This led to the birth of Master Pandemonium, his battles with the West Coast Avengers and his eventually getting trapped on Arcturus IV. Finally making sense of Mephisto's words, the former Martin Preston realizes that one of his soul fragments could be on this very planet itself and began a reign of terror to try and find it...

... Sometime after this, Pandemonium had encounter the Fantastic Four, who have also found themselves transported to Arcturus following their battle against the Cat-People. Recognizing the Thing and thinking this is an attack, Master Pandemonium unleashes demons from his hands to attack the four heroes. During the fight, Pandemonium knocks out Crystal and tries to take her hostage. When Johnny tries to rescue her, Preston breaths soul fire upon him and knocks him out. Ben fights through the demons and is about to strike his foe when the aliens of the planet pile onto him and restrain the others as well. Master Pandemonium explains that the aliens will not allow the heroes to harm him as they all have the power to kill, and the people of Arcturus IV want to die. Recognizing them as genetically-engineered creatures, Crystal points out that they are confused, and a momentary peace is agreed upon.

Agreeing to work together until they get back to Earth, the Fantastic Four compare notes with Pandemonium. As the group begins considering their options for escape, Sharon is incredibly optimistic that they will resolve the issue as this is the sort of adventure the Fantastic Four finds themselves in. Ben is also quite positive recalling how anytime they were off Earth they always made it back home, even when he stayed behind on Battleworld after the Secret Wars. This causes Ben to recall Tari, the ideal woman his mind constructed for him on Battleworld who resembled Sharon before she was transformed into a She-Thing. Ben's mind isn't the only one that is wandering either when Crystal bends over to pat one of the alien creatures on the head, Johnny catches himself checking out her butt and suddenly needs to be back with his wife right away.

Eventually, the five exiles decide to check out the location where Morbius found his ship. There they find a massive track in the ground where ships took off. Johnny goes for an areal view and finds a number of rocket trenches that lead to a central point. As they go to explore, their presence is detected above the planet. Suddenly what appears to be a comet comes streaking down toward the Fantastic Four and Pandemonium. It suddenly swerves and lands on the ground, revealing the "comet" to be an alien ship. From inside emerges Stephen Beckley, the Comet Man, and his Fortisquian ally, Max. After happily being reunited with Ben, Beckley explains that he left Earth to learn how to control his powers after his brother tried to kill his wife and son. When they notice that Max speaks weird and is not entirely sane, Stephen explains that being on Earth did that to his mind.

When Pandemonium asks if Max's ship can take them back to Earth, Comet Man says it can but he won't do it. When this gets protests from the others, Beckley angrily explains that Max shouldn't take them back to Earth because of the negative effect it will have on his mind. The pleas from the female members of the Fantastic Four also fall on deaf ears. Suddenly, Max chimes in, telling them that they don't need a ship to get back to Earth at all and suddenly kicks a seemingly innocuous-looking rock. Suddenly, and much to everyone's surprise, they find themselves all suddenly transported back to Earth in the middle of the Antarctic wasteland.

Recurring Characters

Fantastic Four (Thing, Human Torch, Ms. Marvel, Crystal), Comet Man, Max, Master Pandemonium

Continuity Notes

  • The story contained in the diary of Michael Morbius recap the events of Fear #22-24, when he fled the Cat-People and ended up on Arcturus. The ship he took did eventually get him home. From the perspective of this story, was on Arcturus three year prior, per the Sliding Timescale of Earth-616.

  • Pandemonium recognized the Thing as he was briefly after the Thing was estranged from the Fantastic Four following the events of Thing #23, he went on to join the Avengers West Coast briefly from West Coast Avengers (vol. 2) #9-10.

  • Ben references how the super-heroes got away from Battleworld okay. In Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #1-12 many of Earth's heroes and villains were kidnapped by the Beyonder to battle each other. After the end of the Secret Wars, everyone managed to return to Earth.

  • Ben's thoughts are about how he stayed on Battleworld longer, which occurred in Thing #11-22 which is also where he met Tarianna his ideal woman. When Battleworld turned out to be constructing a world based on his mind, he returned home and everything was wiped out.

  • Johnny's discomfort over checking out Crystal while she was bent over is because....:

    • Johnny and Crystal dated between Fantastic Four #65-105 until the outside world's pollution forced her to return home to Attilan.

    • Crystal ended up rescuing Quicksilver along the way and the two fell in love as seen in Fantastic Four #131-132. Crystal and Quicksilver later got married in Fantastic Four #150. Johnny had a series of failed relationships while Ben and Alicia remained together over the years.

    • When most of the Fantastic Four were among those kidnapped by the Beyonder to battle in the first Secret Wars on Battleworld, Ben discovered he could change back and forth and believe it was because of Battleworld itself. He decided to stay there in Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #12.

    • Ben remained in Battleworld between Thing #11-22 where he eventually lost his ability to change back into Ben Grimm and returned to Earth.

    • As explained in Fantastic Four #358, Alicia was secretly replaced by the Skrull spy Lyja who was sent to infiltrate the Fantastic Four. With the Thing no longer part of the team she focused her attention on Johnny. Lyja took Alicia's place during the events of Fantastic Four #265.

    • Johnny recently married "Alicia" in Fantastic Four #300.

    • Meanwhile, Crystal had an affair with Norm Webster and was eventually caught during the events ofVision and the Scarlet Witch (vol. 2) #6 through 12.

    • In Fantastic Four #303 Ben realized that he still loved Alicia Masters.

    • Reed elected Ben to replace him as leader of the Fantastic Four in Fantastic Four #304.

    • Ben then asked Crystal to join the Fantastic Four in Fantastic Four #305, partially to spite the Torch.

    • Johnny went so far as to accuse Crystal of trying to break up his marriage in Fantastic Four Annual #20.

    • The two buried the hatchet though in Fantastic Four #306.

  • Comet Man and Max were last seen in Comet Man #6, he had last saw Ben when he encountered the Fantastic Four in Comet Man #5

  • Comet Man mentions his brother murdered his wife. This happened in Comet Man #2.

  • Although not obvious at the end of this story, Max has teleported them to what remains of the Savage Land. The Savage Land was decimated by the Terminus impostor, Jorro in Avengers #256-257. The Savage Land is later restored to its usual splendor in Uncanny X-Men Annual #12.

Fantastic Four #314

Fantastic Four #314

Fantastic Four #316

Fantastic Four #316