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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #1

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #1

Shock

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Peter Parker is up at night telling Mary Jane about this weird recurring dream he keeps on having. In it, Morlun is rolling his body into a morgue.[1] Then Kraven the Hunter appears in a tutu. Then Uncle Ben appears before him reciting the lyrics to Turn! Turn! Turn! by the Byrds while holding up a pair of fuzzy dice. All Peter can focus on are the dice, which are two ones, snake-eyes. Then everything goes black and he hears a voice whisper “you lose”. Ever since then, Peter has feared that he’s going to lose it all, especially now that everything is all right.[2] Peter’s complaining is upsetting Mary Jane because they are trying to make love. Eventually, she gets him to focus on the task at hand.

The following day, a bank is being held up by a new criminal calling himself the Tracer. When the guards tell him that the police are on their way, Tracer tells them that he tampered with the traffic lights causing massive traffic jams to slow up the police. Unfortunately, he doesn’t expect Spider-Man who is swinging onto the scene. Before he heads outside to deal with the wall-crawler, Tracer tells the teller to remove the blue dye pack from whatever bag of money she stashed it in before he gets back. As Spider-Man arrives, he easily evades bullets fired form Tracer’s gun. However, he is caught off guard when the bullets turn around and come right back at him. As Spider-Man leaps out of the way, Tracer explains that the bullets will follow him until they finally hit their intended target. To prove this, Tracer stands in the path of the bullets and they arc around him in order to try and hit Spider-Man. Spider-Man is forced to flee the scene while he tries to figure out how to get the bullets off his trail. Satisfied that the web-slinger has been dealt with, Tracer goes back into the bank and shoots one of the guards in the leg for trying to get up. He then sees that the teller is covered in blue dye and thanks her for removing it from the pouch. To show his gratitude, he uses the barrel of his gun to draw a happy face on her forehead in the blue ink that’s staining it.

Not far away, Spider-Man is trying to outrun the bullets that are still chasing after him. As he does so, he thinks back to earlier in the day when Steve Rogers was giving both Peter and Mary Jane martial arts lessons. Peter asked why this was necessary and Mary Jane points out how Peter keeps on dreaming about his own death. Captain America also says this is important so Peter doesn’t always rely on instinct like he has for most of his career. To explain how useless instinct can be, Steve tells them about two airplanes that collided on the runway in the Canary Islands back in 1977. Of the nearly 400 passengers only 60 survived because nobody knew what to do and relied on instinct, which told them to remain in their seats. waiting for guidance. He also recounts how sometimes scuba divers drown even though they still have oxygen in their tanks because something obstructs their breathing and their instinct tells them to remove their diving gear. Steve concludes his lecture that having the proper focus can keep Peter alive to see old age.[3] Taking this advice now, Spider-Man decides to land on the ground and makes an attempt to focus and snatch the bullets out of the air before they can hit him. He succeeds in catching one bullet, but the other goes right through his hand and into his shoulder. When he notices this, Spider-Man collapses to the ground.

A short time later, Spider-Man is being treated by Doctor Castillo who patches up the web-slinger’s bullet wounds. When she asks what she should call him, he insists on Spider-Man or Spidey, saying enough people know his secret.[4] As she draws some blood to examine, she tells him that she treats many other heroes and keeps it discreet even though it could mean her losing her license and that she was classmates with Reed Richards back in the day who vouched for her. This convinces Spider-Man and he tells her that his first name is Peter.

When Peter returns to Stark Tower, Mary Jane is upset that Peter is going back out on patrol after just getting shot.[5] Peter insists that this is something he needs to do because he has this fear burning inside him that he needs to get out of his system otherwise he might not be able to be Spider-Man anymore. Mary Jane, however, doesn’t see that as a bad thing. When Mary Jane asks him to at least bring Captain America along, he refuses. He tells her not to worry as finding Tracer won’t be a problem since he planted a spider-tracer on him when they fought. Searching the city, Spider-Man eventually picks up the signal from his spider-tracer and zeros in on a limo. Deciding to get a photo of Tracer’s defeat, Spider-Man sets up his camera and then swings down and incapacitates the limo. He gloats over stopping Tracer and asks how they feel. However, when Spider-Man yanks the passenger out of the limo, it turns out to be J. Jonah Jameson who tells Spider-Man that he can read all about his thoughts in tomorrow’s Daily Bugle. This is so humiliating, that Peter returns to Stark Tower to try and figure out how he will explain this to Tony Stark. That’s when Doctor Castillo calls to tell him that she finished examining his blood work and while she won’t tell him what’s wrong over the phone, she says it’s really bad.

Watching Peter from the building across the street is Morlun who says “Snake Eyes. You Lose”

This story is continued in Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #19….

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Tracer, Morlun, Mary Jane Watson, Captain America (flashback)

Continuity Notes

  1. Peter reminds Mary Jane that Morlun is the guy who tried “eat” his spider-powers. This is a rather simplistic way of looking at it, but that happened in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #30-35.

  2. Peter itemizes a number of things that are going right in his life:

    • Being in the Avengers: Peter joined the New Avengers following the events of New Avengers #1-6.

    • Living in Stark Tower: Peter and his family moved into Stark Tower after their homes were trashed by Charlie Weiderman in Amazing Spider-Man #518.

    • Married to Mary Jane Watson: The couple has been married since Amazing Spider-Man Annual #21. However, not long after this, Peter and Mary Jane’s marriage is erased from existence by Mephisto in Amazing Spider-Man #545. In the altered timeline, he would be remarking how he and Mary Jane are engaged, instead of married.

  3. When talking about living a long life, Peter makes a joke about being frozen in a block of ice. This is a reference to the fact that Captain America was frozen in suspended animation from 1945 until early on in the modern age, as seen in Avengers #4.

  4. On the subject of people who know Peter Parker’s secret identity at the time of this story include (no including dead people or those who later made to forget):

    • The Black Cat learned Peter’s secret identity while they used to date. He revealed his identity to her in Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #87.

    • Per Marvel Graphic Novel #46, Mary Jane has known Peter Parker was Spider-Man since the very beginning, although she didn’t tell him she knew until Amazing Spider-Man #257.

    • Aunt May only recently learned that her nephew is Spider-Man in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #35.

    • Norman Osborn has known Spider-Man’s double-identity since Amazing Spider-Man #39

    • Wolverine has known since Spider-Man Versus Wolverine #1

    • Daredevil learned it in Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #110

    • Curt Connors figured it out in Spectacular Spider-Man (vol. 2) #11)

    • Nick Fury. who at the time of this story it is believed that Fury learned Spider-Man’s identity during Secret War #1-5, but Original Sin #4-5 reveals that Fury has known Spider-Man’s secret identity from the beginning of his career.

    • Captain America also learned Peter Parker’s secret identity in Secret War #1-5.

    • The rest of the New Avengers learned Peter’s double identity during the events of New Avengers #1-6.

    • Mac Gargan was told Spider-Man’s secret identity by the Green Goblin sometime prior to Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #1.

    • The Venom symbiote has known since it first bonded with Peter back in Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #8 and tells successive hosts whenever it feels like it.

    • The entire Fantastic Four know Peter’s identity after he shared it with them in Spider-Man/Human Torch #5.

  5. When Mary Jane asks what the odds are of Peter coming back from the dead, he tells her that they’re pretty good. He’s referring to how he died and was reborn previously in Spectacular Spider-Man (vol. 2) #17-20.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Primer

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Primer

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #2

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #2