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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Sensational Spider-Man (vol. 2) #33

Sensational Spider-Man (vol. 2) #33

Wounds

Then

Aunt May thinks back to better times, thinking about how you and the one you love make jokes about growing old together until one day the joke becomes a reality. That’s what the situation was on the day of the phone call. May Parker was clipping coupons while her husband, Ben, read the newspaper. When the phone rang, May answered it and was shocked to learn that Ben’s brother Richard and his wife Mary had died in a plane crash.[1] When they were the only ones who could take in their nephew, Peter, May was filled with so many concerns. Could they raise a child at their age? Would Peter be given the proper upbringing he deserved? All of these fears melted away when they went to pick Peter up and May got a good look at the young boy. Late at night, May would often find herself waking up and listening through the wall to make sure Peter was still asleep. On the nights he would weak up crying, May would rush to his room and cradle young Peter assuring him that everything will be all right and that she’ll always be there for him.

Now[2]

Aunt May is cradling Peter’s broken and bloody body when Mary Jane comes back to their motel room while out shopping. She asks Mary Jane to help Peter over to the bed. When Mary Jane asks what happened, May says that Peter was fighting the Rhino. Once in bed, Peter tells them that the Rhino ambushed him and managed to catch him when he was still recovering from previous injuries. He suspects that the Rhino might be a leftover from the Chameleon’s extermination squad.[3] When Mary Jane suggests taking Peter to a doctor, he refuses because of the risks. As Mary Jane begins to panic, Aunt May takes control of the situation. She sends MJ out to get medical supplies at the nearby pharmacy while she stays behind and cleans Peter’s wounds.

Sure enough, May proves to be right and the worst is over. As Peter is healing bed, he admits to his Aunt that he must look pretty bad. May says that she’s seen him in worse condition and Peter assumes that he means after she discovered his secret identity following his battle with Morlun.[4] While seeing Peter following that battle was certainly a shock, May says she was actually referring to something that happened years before. She reminds Peter of Tommy Monks, the kid that lived two doors down from them in Queens. Peter remembers that he used to play with Tommy all the time but doesn’t remember why they stopped. May explains that one day, while they were playing, Peter broke his arm when they attempted to climb a tree. She said it was traumatic for her because it was the first time she ever saw Peter get hurt. She remembers meeting with Ben at the hospital. Ben attempted to calm her down before seeing Peter. Seeing his arm in the cast back then, May was horrified. Now remembering this situation, Peter tells her that it wasn’t Tommy Monks fault he fell out of the tree, it was his own because he was a klutzy kid growing up. May doesn’t see it that way, saying that Tommy should have known better since he was older than Peter was at the time. May then tells Peter to rest.

May then joins Mary Jane who is sitting on a bench outside with a cup of hot chocolate from the motel vending machine. Both women try to talk at the same time, and Mary Jane tells May to go first. May apologizes for snapping at Mary Jane earlier, saying that a wall comes down when she sees Peter get hurt and sometimes she says things that hurt other people. Mary Jane accepts the apology, admitting that her first instinct was to run away and she is glad that May took command of the situation. She then wonders how long they can endure this before they come apart like tissue paper. With a smile on her face, May says to ask her tomorrow and maybe she’ll have an answer. Mary Jane then asks May to tell the rest of the story about Peter’s broke arm, as she overheard it inside earlier.

May says that after visiting hours were over, Ben tried to get May to come home. However, May refuses to leave in case Peter wakes up in the middle of the night and is scared or needs something. Ben tries to convince May that Peter is a growing boy and that growing boys get hurt and that she’s going to have to get used to it sooner or later. Ben continues trying to convince her that coddling the boy isn’t going to help when he should be spending these years toughing up. May interjects only once, to ask when Ben will be finished trying to convince her that Peter having a broken arm is a good thing so she can get back to her book. Ben realizes that he’s not going to get through to her and when he gets up to leave, she asks him to bring her breakfast in the morning.

Meanwhile, the Rhino has returned to his hideout at the abandoned Animal Club. While reading the paper he discovers that the Chameleon has been captured and thus, he’s not going to be paid for going after Spider-Man. Meanwhile, Felicia Hardy is brushing her teeth when she overhears a news broadcast about Spider-Man’s recent battle with the Rhino. Hearing that the web-slinger has been injured she rushes out of the bathroom to watch the eye-witness interviews. After the repot is over, she turns off the television just as Thomas Fireheart — aka the Puma — comes home with sushi. He thanks her for not smashing the television this time. She tells Thomas that she just brushed her teeth and lost her appetite. When he asks if it has anything to do with the Rhino beating up her ex-boyfriend,[5] Felicia tells Fireheart not to get jealous. Putting on her Black Cat costume, Felicia says she wants to go out with Thomas and paint the town red.

Back at the motel, Aunt May is scrubbing the blood out of Peter’s Spider-Man costume and thinks back to the day after Peter broke his arm. She was doing dishes in the sink when Tommy Monks came by to see how Peter was doing. May started scolding the boy for allowing Peter to get hurt but she was interrupted by Ben, who tells Tommy to go up and see Peter who is up in his room doing homework. When May waits for Ben to call her crazy, he agrees that she is but hugs her and says he wouldn’t have her anyway, and admits that he also wanted to wring Tommy Monks neck. The memory puts a smile on May’s face and that’s when Peter gets out of bed and asks her what she’s doing with his smelly old costume. She tells him that she needed to wash it before doing some sewing to patch it up. Peter admits that he’s in much better shape, attributing it to the fact that he has always been a fast healer. That’s when Mary Jane comes back in from a shopping trip for the pastries that Peter is craving. Peter is so excited he somersaults across the room and jokingly asks Mary Jane to marry him.[6]

Watching Peter and Mary Jane have this small moment of joy together makes May think how quickly Peter forgets his old bumps and bruises. They’re all May’s now, as every single scar that Peter carries is one she carries for herself. She figures that Peter and Mary Jane are still young and have yet to learn that life is an accumulation of wounds, your own and those of your loved ones. Thinking of her late husband, she thinks how you believe your life is going one way when suddenly things can change and all you’re left with are wounds.

Recurring Characters

Aunt May, Spider-Man, Mary Jane Watson, Rhino, Black Cat, Puma, Uncle Ben (flashback)

Continuity Notes

  1. Richard and Mary Parker were government agents that were killed in the line of duty, as revealed in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #5.

  2. Just so we’re all on the same page here:

    • Peter Parker had decided to reveal his secret identity to show support for the Super-Human Registration Act as seen in Amazing Spider-Man #532-533 and Civil War #2.

    • Later, Peter had second thoughts and renounced his support making him and his family outlaws on the run. See Amazing Spider-Man #534-535 and Civil War #5.

  3. The Chameleon formed a group of other Spider-Man foes in a coordinated attempt to try and kill Peter Parker. It failed as seen in Sensational Spider-Man (vol. 2) #29-31.

  4. This was Spider-Man’s first battle with Morlun which occurred between Amazing Spider-Man (Vol. 2) #30-35, a story arc that ended with Aunt May discovering that Peter is Spider-Man.

  5. The Black Cat dated Spider-Man from Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #75 to 100.

  6. The joke here is that — at least when this story was published — Peter and Mary Jane were already married. However, not long after this story, their marriage is erased from existence by Mephisto in Amazing Spider-Man #545. In the altered timeline, this would still be a joke since the couple would have been engaged for about 5 years at this point.

Topical References

  • May asks Ben to bring her an Egg McMuffin and a Sanka from McDonald’s. This is topical as McDonald’s is a real-world company. Sanka, is a brand of decaffeinated coffee that they used to serve at McDonald’s, I’m not sure when they stopped serving Sanka but that is for sure a topical reference especially when you consider that McDonalds has their own brand-name coffee blends.

  • Felicia Hardy is depicted watching Fox News. This should be considered topical as Fox News is a real-world television station.

  • The pastries that Peter wants are Hostess Twinkies. Real-world product.

Sensational Spider-Man (vol. 2) #32

Sensational Spider-Man (vol. 2) #32

Sensational Spider-Man (vol. 2) #34

Sensational Spider-Man (vol. 2) #34