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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Marvel Team-Up (vol. 3) #1

Marvel Team-Up (vol. 3) #1

Golden Child Part One

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Now

Wolverine has been webbed up in an alleyway by Spider-Man. The feral mutant swears he’s going to get the wall-crawler for this. Unfortunately, he has no idea how long it takes for Spider-Man’s webbing to dissolve.

Earlier

That morning, Spider-Man has paused between his patrol and going to teach class to grab something to eat.[1] Meanwhile, across town, Wolverine has been sent to investigate a new mutant by Cyclops. Logan confirms that they are looking for a mutant and assures Scott that he can find them because he has their scent. By this point, Peter Parker is running late for class beacuse he stopped to stop an armored car robbery as Spider-Man. When he arrives at class, Peter discovers that the principal has started class for him. He is pulled outside, where the principal who has to tell Peter that he has to get his schedule under control if he wants to continue teaching. At lunch time, Peter eats with other teacher and he excuses his being late on Mary Jane having to wake up early in the morning for modeling gigs and not resetting the alarm clock. Kyle Jacoby can’t understand how Peter managed to land a supermodel as a wife and Peter admits he’s pretty lucky. That’s when Miss Bradley admits she finds Peter attractive and was particularly turned on when Peter arrived for classes with bandages all over him. Peter reminds her that he is married, but this does little to dissuade Bradley from suggesting an affair. This upsets Kyle who decides to leave, however Miss Bradley admits that she only said those things becaus she enjoys watching Peter squirm.

That’s when a fight breaks out in the lunch room, with four kids ganging up on one, a kid named Paul Patterson. Surprsingly the Paul manages to throw the bullies off with a single throw. While he is doing so, Peter notices that the kids hands are glowing. When the other kids accuse Paul of being a mutant, Peter dismisses this saying all he saw was four boys against one. However, after classes, Peter decides to have a talk with Paul as Spider-Man. When he confronts Paul, the kid is able to deduce that Spider-Man is actualy his teacher, Peter Parker. Spider-Man grabs Paul and takes him up to the rooftops so they can talk. However, Patterson isn’t buying any of Spider-Man’s excuses as to why he and Peter Parker sound the same. Peter tries to relate to the boy, telling him that he got his powers when he was a little older than Paul.[2] Paul wishes that he didn’t hurt people with his powers, but Spider-Man says that Paul conducted himself pretty well back in the lunch room. That’s when Wolverine arrives and tries to ambush Paul, who reacts by bouncing Logan back with a blast of energy sending him crashing on the building next door. Spider-Man tells Paul to stop since Wolverine is one of the good guys. Unfortunately, Logan is getting angry and tries to attack, but each time Paul blasts him back, making him even angrier. Spider-Man quickly takes Paul down to the alley below and tells him to let him handle Wolverine. When Logan reaches the street he tells the web-slinger to back off because the kid needs to come with him. Refusing to allow Logan to hurt the kid, Spider-Man quickly web up Wolverine,.

Now

As Spider-Man swings away, Wolverine struggles to get free as the wall-crawler has no idea how dangerous this new mutant is. With no other choice, and because his hands a webbed to either side of his head, Wolverine braces himself as he extracts his claws. It is painful, but it allows Logan to use his claws to cut through Spider-Man’s webbing and free himself.

By this time, Spider-Man has arrived at Paul’s home and he tells the boy that Wolverine isn’t really that bad of a guy and that he was probably sent by the X-Men to recruit him into their school. Once walking inside, Spider-Man can’t help but notice a terrible smell in the dirty home. When he asks about Paul’s parents, he tells Spider-Man that his mom left a long time ago and that he lives with is father. When Spider-Man suggests talking to Paul’s father, he tells the web-head that he is in his room down the hall but not to bother him. Spider-Man insists and when nobody answers his knocks at the door, Spider-Man opens it and is shocked to discovered the rotting corpse of Paul’s father.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Wolverine, Paul Patterson, Kyle Jacoby, Jean Bradley

Continuity Notes

  1. Some facts that Spider-Man has stated here that you should know about

    • First he states that he has a wife. At the time of this story, Peter and Mary Jane were married. However, not long after this, their marriage was erased from existence by Mephisto in Amazing Spider-Man #545. As such he would refer to Mary Jane as his fiancee instead of his wife. Likewise, when he shows his wedding ring to his fellow teacher later on this would also change in the new timeline. One could assume Peter is wearing an engagement ring instead of a wedding band.

    • Peter has been teaching at Midtown High since Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #31.

  2. Amazing Fantasy #15 in case you forgot. According to Civil War #2, Peter got his powers when he was 15 years old, so I guess Paul is 14 here?

Topical References

  • Spider-Man asks if thieves robbing things at night was an 80s thing.

Marvel Team-Up in the 2000s

Marvel Team-Up in the 2000s

Marvel Team-Up (vol. 3) #2

Marvel Team-Up (vol. 3) #2