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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #25

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #25

Trick of the Light

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This story continues from Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #25…

Friends and family are gathered at the funeral for Peter Parker. As the priest reads his eulogy, Aunt May begins to cry and seeks comfort from J. Jonah Jameson.[1] Jonah tells May that her nephew was like a son to him. Waking up in his coffin wearing his Spider-Man costume, Peter frantically starts beating on the lid calling out to his Aunt May and the other mourners trying to convince them that he is not dead. However, this is all a hallucination and as Peter screams into the darkness, he is cradling a Green Goblin mask in his hands. Sitting next to him is Norman Osborn, who apologizes for Peter, saying that this was the only way.

He has been slowly drugging Peter with his Goblin Formula so that Peter can be his replacement.[2] Cradling Peter, Norman tries to guide Peter through the process, telling him to embrace the darkness as it is all part of his transformation. He reflects back to the day his own father brought a young Norman Osborn to the mansion they are now in and locked the boy alone inside in the dark. Scared out of his mind, Norman thought that there was a goblin lurking in the dark laughing at him and expected the creature to be suddenly standing next to him during one of the flashes of lightning on that stormy night. As the evening progressed, Norman began to hate the light. When his father came for him in the morning, Norman was grateful to see him. The entire incident convinces Norman to accept the unknown or be devoured by it.

As Norman is saying all this, Peter' is still having his hallucination. In this delusion, Peter is still trapped in his coffin as Aunt May says her final goodbyes and drops a single rose on top of the coffin. Sensing someone in the darkness, Peter calls out to whoever it might be. He sees the image of his Uncle Ben, who tells Peter that he forgives him for his death. Unaware he is actually talking to Norman Osborn, he asks where Mary Jane, his parents, and Gwen Stacy are.[3] “Ben” tells Peter that it will just be the two of them in the darkness together. It’s then that Peter realizes that something isn’t right and that he is not talking to his Uncle Ben. When Peter strikes the impostor he changes into the Green Goblin. In the real world, Peter also manages to strike the real Norman Osborn. Furious, Norman strikes back, telling Peter that he is going to have to leave him in the darkness in order to completely undo his entire personality, telling Parker that he’ll learn to love the darkness.

Later, Peter has been strapped into a chair that gives him a powerful electrical jolt every time there is lightning outside. Norman stands over him, telling Peter that this is all necessary in order to make him hate the light and embrace the darkness. This torture has been going on for two days and Peter has grown thirsty. Norman offers him two glasses. One that is clearly water under the light and another, unknown liquid, in the darkness. Even though the glass of water is rigged to shock him, Peter refuses to drink the dark liquid and defiantly knocks it over. Norman leaves the room, telling Peter that he’ll give in to the darkness sooner or later.

By this time, Peter’s roommate Randy Robertson gets a phone call from Peter’s Aunt May. He tells her that he is not home yet from some assignment. She jokes about how Peter must have told him how nervous she gets about her nephews well being. While appearing to laugh off any concer while on the phone with May, Randy can’t lie to himself once he hangs up, as he is starting to become concerned about his roommate.

Back at the Osborn Mansion, Peter is now shackled to the floor where he is getting regular shocks from Norman Osborn. Peter continues to resist, telling himself to fight back. However, despite the fact that he keeps on reminding himself that he is Spider-Man, Peter begins to crack under the constant jolts. Listening to all this causes Norman to think of his own childhood again and after shedding some tears he decides to tell Peter another story. Standing outside the door, Norman tells him a story about the day his grandson, Normie Osborn was born.[4] This was during the time Norman was hiding out in Europe and he wouldn’t let something like his faked death keep him from seeing his grandson. That night, Norman — as the Green Goblin — flew to the hospial where Liz gave birth to his grandson. He was going to look in on his son and was surprised to see Spider-Man was already there looking in on Liz and her newborn baby. It’s then that Norman decided that the true heir to the Goblin Legacy wasn’t going to be his own flesh and blood, but Peter Parker. This whole time he has devoted his time to grooming Peter into being his heir.

Sometime later, Norman Osborn — now dressed as the Green Goblin — checks on Peter. This time, Parker recoils from the light. Thinking he succeded he then hands Peter a vial of the Goblin formula and encourages Peter to drink it. As he raises the vial up, Peter suddenly sees the image of his Aunt May and she tells him what a good boy he is. This causes Peter to snap back to reality and he rejects Norman’s conditioning and tosses the Goblin formula back in his face. This is the final insult for the Goblin who decides that Peter is no longer worthy of being his successor and smacks Peter around. However, when Parker gets up and still has some fight left, Norman decides that it is time to flee. He attempts to escape on his Gobling Glider, but Spider-Man leaps onto the device weighing it down and sending them both crashing onto the roof of the Osborn manor. The pair come to blows and Spider-Man ultimately overpowers the Goblin. However, despite the fact that Peter has beaten him in a physical fight, Norman causes him to pause when he says he already achived his victory. The Goblin explains that he wins because he crushed his spirit by making him look into the darkness and Parker blinked. He concludes by saying he has caused the lines between Peter’s morality start to blur. This causes Peter to pause, allowing the Goblin to break free from his grasp and get onto his Goblin Glider. Before escaping, Norman tells Peter that sooner or later their conflict will progress to the point where one will have to kill the other and that time will be coming soon and wonders when the moment of truth comes what Peter will do.[6]

As the Goblin flies away, Peter can only cry after the ordeal he had just endured.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Green Goblin, Aunt May, Randy Robertson

Continuity Notes

1. Holy shit does this priest lay it on thick by naming all the people in the Parker family are dead. Here’s the list:

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  • Peter Parker’s parents, Richard and Mary Parker who were government agents that died on a mission while Peter was still a toddler as explained in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #5.

  • Mary Jane Watson. Although she appeared to die in a plane crash in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #13, she is still alive as we’ll see in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #29. She is referred to here as Peter’s wife. Later their marriage was erased from existence in Amazing Spider-Man #545 by Mephisto. As such she’d be called his fiancee here instead.

  • He also mentions Peter and Mary Jane’s child. Mary Jane discovered that she was pregnant in Spectacular Spider-Man #220 but tragically suffered a miscarriage in Amazing Spider-Man #418.

  • And what list of dead Parkers is complete without poor Uncle Ben? Amazing Fantasy #15.

2. Norman has been slipping drugs into Peter’s toothpaste as explained in Spider-Man: Revenge of the Green Goblin #1-3. While under the effects of the drug Peter had been secretly going out as the Green Goblin since Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #22.

3. Gwen Stacy was Peter’s first true love. She was murdered by the Green Goblin in Amazing Spider-Man #121.

4. Normie Osborn was born in Amazing Spider-Man #263. Norman states that Normie was born “a few years ago”. Per the Sliding Timecsale, Normie was born roughly three years prior to this story.

5. Norman states that he was still hiding in Europe when Normie was born. Norman Osborn was believed to have died in Amazing Spider-Man #122. As explained in Spider-Man: The Osborn Journal #1, Norman survived thanks to the healing properties of his Goblin formula and spend years hiding out in Europe. He later resurfaced in Amazing Spider-Man #412.

6. Norman’s boasts that this battle to the death is coming soon has yet to happen as I write this some 20 years after this story was published (that’s about 5 years Marvel time) So either Norman’s bad at predicting the future or he has a real liberal understanding of the concept of “soon”.

Continuity Errors

1. Norman states that his father’s name was Norman Osborn “the first”, implying that he is Norman Osborn, Jr. However, Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #14 identifies Norman’s father as Amberson Osborn. The Norman Osborn entry of Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A-Z #8 confirms that Norman’s father’s first name is Amberson.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #24

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #24

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #26

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #26