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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man Annual 2000

Peter Parker: Spider-Man Annual 2000

No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn

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Peter Parker has found himself covering a bartending shift for Randy Robertson and is surprised to find that he enjoy the job.[1] One of the female patrons is pounding back the drinks pretty hard, prompting Peter to suggest she have a drink of water. The woman, unknown to Peter, is the extradimensional bounty hunter known as Bounty, aggressivly demands another gin and tonic. Peter tries to serve her a drink with very little alcohol, but this only enrages Bounty who tosses Peter across the bar. Hearing her name, Peter remembers the Human Torch telling him all about how Bounty tore up their headquarters recently.[2] Thanks to his spider-powers, Peter manage to shift his body so he can control his landing from the throw. Figuring everyone in the bar is too drunk to really pay attention to his moves, Peter then uses his spider-agility to get back to the bar and kicks her out into the back alley.

Following Bounty outside, Peter is only evade her continues blows thanks to his spider-sense and following his instincts to evade her blows. With Bounty slowly gaining the advantage, Peter leaps up to a nearby fire escape where he stashed his Spider-Man costume and web-shooters before his shift. Leaping back down to the ground, Peter kicks Bounty up against a wall where he webs her hands. Surpsingly, Bounty is strong enough to pull her hands free, but instead of continuing the battle, she grabs Peter and kisses him as their fight brought her a great deal of joy. Pushing away from the kiss, Peter asks Bounty what this is all about and she tells him that she has been on a bender when the Thing refused her advances.[3] She apologizes for the damage done and hands Peter a wad of money to pay for the damages before leaving. Deciding that she could put others in danger, Peter tags Bounty with a spider-tracer so he can follow her once he has ditched the rest of his shift.

Peter searches for hours with no luck and stops to get a snack out of his backpack. That’s when Bounty — who was aware that Peter had been following her — gets the drop on him. Thanks to his spider-sense, Peter is able to grab the gun out of Bounty’s hand and leaps to safety. When Peter explains that he followed her out of concern, Bounty is flattered and tells him that she was fine as her body metabolized the alcohol the moment she was tossed out into the alleyway. As she is done drinking for the evening, she decides to get a cup of coffee and invites Peter to join her.

Peter takes her to a trendy coffee shop where they won’t stick out among the regular patrons. There, Peter asks why Bountry was ever interested in the Thing pointing out that he’s just a pile of orange rocks. She tells him that it was she seldom meets men that are her match in her line of work and one look at the Thing and she knew he was one of those few specimines. She points out that’s the way it works, asking Peter if he’s never been confused by his own sudden attractions. Peter can admit that one minute someone could be their whole life and the next they are gone.[4] The tender moment is quickly ended when members of the Golden Horde enter the coffee shop and begin paying a lot of unwanted attention to the server. That’s when members of the Bacchae, led by Bloody Mary, a group that Bounty has had past history with.[5] When Bounty tries to pick a fight with Bloody Mary, she ignores the challenge, saying that she has come for the server — Diane — and leaves, telling Bounty that they’ll settle their score when they meet next. As it turns out, her boyfriend Jack — who works in the kitchen — is the brother of one of the members of the Golden Horde, who storms off when nobody does anything to stop the Bacchae from taking Diane.

Realizing that they made the situation by interfering, Bounty tells Peter that they need to set things right. The pair spend the rest of the evening scouring Manhattan for any sign of Jack or Diane. Later that evening, they stop an out of control car that is being driven by Jack. As it turns out, the members of the Golden Horde are trying to rob him of all his money. Luckily, Bounty takes them down quickly and returns the money to Jack. Offering to help him find Diane, they learn that the pair had saved up enough money so they could run away to Canada where their gang affiliations wouldn’t interfere with their romance. Before they enter the Bacche’s hideout, Peter tells Bounty that this is where he departs, telling her that he has called in a friend to help them from here on out. Moments later, Peter returns dressed as Spider-Man to lend a hand.[6]

While Spider-Man uses stealth to get in from the roof, Bounty takes a more direct approach and goes in through the front door. While the Bacchae offers to pay Bounty to stay out of things, Spider-Man manages to get to Diane and helps her escape through the window. The Bacchae and Bounty come out with guns drawn. Disappointed to seeing Bounty accepted money to betray them, Spider-Man fights her. Surprisingly, Bounty sees right through Spider-Man’s costume and knows he is the same man she met earlier that evening, tells him that business is business. As Spider-Man and Bounty fight, he Baache and the newly arriving Golden Horde both make a rush for Jake’s car. Spider-Man tries to stop them but is incapacitated by one of Bounty’s laser knives. She then pulls a gun and seemingly blows up the car with Jake and Diane still on board. The entire sordid ordeal horrifies Spider-Man who questions the two rival gangs if the death of the two young lovers was worth it. Soon the two gangs leave, but Bounty remains. Spider-Man asks Bounty what she is going for an encore and is shocked when she says she wants to get more coffee with him. That’s when she lifts the wrecked car and reveals that Jack and Diane are still alive, having been protected from the blast by a force field. Reminding Spider-Man that she dealt with the Bacchae in the past, she knew they wouldn’t stop until they knew Jake and Diane were dead and set up circumstances where she could trick them into thinking the lovers were dead. Spider-Man is impressed and the pair make peace.

Sometime later, Peter Parker gets a letter from Jake and Diane who succeeded in relocated to Canada where they have opened a restaraunt in the province of Saskatchewan. They also have a son which they named after Peter to commemorate the man who helped them start their new lives.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Bounty, Bacchae (Bloody Mary)

Continuity Notes

  1. Peter thinks of all the weird things he’s done over his career, metioning owning a Spider-Buggy and teaming up with a talking duck. The facts:

    • Spider-Man was approached by the ad firm of Carter and Lumbardo to build a Spider-Buggy using an engine provided by one of their client’s non-polluting car engines in Amazing Spider-Man #126. The so-called Spider-Buggy was built by Spider-Man with help from the Human Torch and first hit the road in Amazing Spider-Man #130. Not long after this Spider-Man crashed the vehicle in the Hudson River in Amazing Spider-Man #159. It was later weponized by the Tinkerer and smashed again by Spider-Man in the following issue, returning the wreck to Carter and Lumbardo. The Spider-Buggy will be seen again in Amazing Spider-Man #600 as part of an exhibit on superheroes at the Smithsonian.

    • The talking duck is, obviously, Howard the Duck whom Spider-Man first met in Howard the Duck #1. Spider-Man also teamed up with the duck in Marvel Team-Up #96, Marvel Tales (vol. 2) #237 and mosty recently (at the time of this issue) in Spider-Man Team-Up #5.

  2. Bounty’s adventures with the Fantastic Four were chronicled in Fantastic Four (vol. 2) #14, 20-24. Peter specifically mentions how Bounty tore up the FF’s headquarters, that was in Fantastic Four (vol. 3) #21.

  3. When last we saw Bounty, in Fantastic Four (vol. 3) #24, she had just convinced the Thing that she was genuinely interested in him romantically. That plot line was eventually dropped, this story was obviously written up to tie up loose ends.

  4. This sombre response from Peter is because, at the time of this story, he thinks Mary Jane died in a plane crash circa Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #13. She’s still alive though, as we’ll learn in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #29.

  5. The Bacchae and Bounty crossed paths in Fantastic Four (vol. 3) #20-21.

  6. Peter makes a quip about owning a signal watch that allows him to call on a special friend. This is a reference to Jimmy Olsen, a DC Comics character who has a signal watch that he can use to summon his pal Superman. Jimmy first got this signal watch in Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen #1.

From the Rich to the Poor

Spider-Man catches the Black Cat breaking into a safe in the office of Baxter Anderson, and tries to stop her, upset to see that she has returned to a life of crime.[1] Pretending to be hurt by the accusations, Felicia flirts with Spider-Man for a bit before explaining what she is doing.[2] She explains that Anderson, whose perverse art collection offens Spider-Man, had hired her previously to dig up dirt on various properties that he wanted to purchase. She was disappointed that her information was used to tear down beautiful old buildings, force renters out of thier leases, and force owners to sell their properties below market value. The worse is that he has been using violence to indimidate those who refuse to sell. Seeing this first hand, Felicia decided to do something about it by taking down Baxter from the inside. However, the information she needs was kept in his private safe, hence why she was forced to break into his office as the Black Cat.

Spider-Man doesn’t full buy the story, his spider-sense buzzing like crazy. Suddenly, they are ambushed by Hydro-Man who reveals that he is the one who was hired by Baxter to damage the properties of those who refuse to sell to him. As the pair evade Hydro-Man’s opening salvo, the Cat is struck with a blow from the watery hero and sent flying out a window. Fearing for her safety, Spider-Man goes after her but discovers that the Black Cat can save herself. She is flattered that he cares, even though he just accused her of being a liar.

The pair go back into the building and battle Hydro-Man, luring the villain to an indoor fountain. Once in the fountain, Hydro-Man gloats about how the additional water just makes him strong. However, while he is bragging he reverts back to human form leaving him vulnerable and the Black Cat knocks him out with a blow to the back of the head. While Spider-Man is busy wrapping up Hydro-Man, the Black Cat steals the documents she came for and leaves before Spider-Man can notice.

The following day, the Daily Bugle has a front page story about the downfall of Baxter Anderson, who was arrested once the stolen documents were handed over to the authorities. Spider-Man then witnesses as the owners of a restaraunt who were terrorized by Anderson are in the process of re-opening thanks to an anonymous donation to repair the damage. Knowing the Black Cat was responsible, he is unaware that the Black Cat is watching him and wishing he could bring himself to fully trust her.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Black Cat, Hydro-Man

Continuity Notes

  1. The narrative explains that the Black Cat become a cat burglar in memory of her late father as revealed in Amazing Spider-Man #194-195. It also states that she reformed and became a private investigator. The Black Cat reformed form a life of crime back in Amazing Spider-Man #226-227. She started her private investigation firm in Felicia Hardy: The Black Cat #4.

  2. It’s alluded here that Spider-Man and the Black Cat used to date. Their relationship lasted from Peter Parked, The Spectacular Spider-Man #75 until issue #100 of that series.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #21

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #21

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #22

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #22