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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Amazing Spider-Man Family #3

Amazing Spider-Man Family #3

The Punch

Walking to Midtown High, Peter Parker thinks about how much he enjoys learning.[1] The only unpleasant thing about it is when he gets bullied by Flash Thompson. Case in point, Peter is so lost in thought that he accidentally bumps into Flash. Thompson begins hassling Peter, ignoring Liz Allan’s request that he leave Peter alone. Suddenly, Peter has a big grin on his face because he is imagining what it would look like to use his spider-strength to knock Flash out. However, Peter doesn’t act on this fantasy and his grin anger Flash enough for him to threaten to his Parker. However, before he can, lay a single punch Principal Davis catches Flash and drags him off to the office. Peter shrugs this off, satisfied with the idea that he could mop the floor with Flash.

At that same moment, a young hood named Bobby Grillo is told to come inside because she just put food on the table. However, Bobby is fed up with his dead-end life living with his alcoholic mother while his father is doing time upstate. Climbing down the fire escape onto the street, Bobby storms down the street and bumps into another pedestrian. When the man tries to start something with him, Bobby pulls open his jacket to show that he is carrying a gun. The man shuts up real quick, reaffirming Bobby’s belief that the gun gives him power and a little power goes a long way.

That evening, Spider-Man is swinging around the city still keyed up after his encounter with Flash earlier that day and is looking for some criminals to beat up. Unfortunately, its quiet night and the web-slinger can’t find anyone. Moments later, he happens upon Bobby Grillo who is trying to rob a bodega. After trying to find the right way to address the thug, Spider-Man hit Bobby with a punch so hard it sends him flying across the store and slamming into the freezers in the back. While the clerk appreciates the save she thinks he went a little far. Realizing that Bobby is in bad shape, Spider-Man tells her to call an ambulance right away.

When Bobby wakes up he finds himself in the hospital with a cop stationed outside his door. He thinks about how the Grillo luck is being true to form as his mother lecturing him about how he gets into trouble all the time and wonders what she did wrong. He considers speaking up and defending himself, but Bobby decides its not worth it. Once she is finished her lecture, Bobby’s mother says that after this is all over things at home are going to change. However, Bobby is more concerned about having to go to jail, thinking he’d rather die than get locked up like his old man. That’s when he notices Spider-Man watching him from outside his window and calls for help. When the officer outside rushes in, Spider-Man disappears from sight.

As it turns out, Spider-Man was just checking to make sure Bobby was doing all right because using his full strength against a normal crook has left him feeling totally guilty. He realizes how much power he has at his disposal and the ease in which he scared by it for the first time. For years before the radioactive spider bite, he wished that he had the strength to defend himself against bullies and now that he has that power he realizes that it’s not as great as he thought it would be. Swinging to an abandoned building, Peter decides to vent his frustration by trashing the place. It only when he wrecks and the entire room that he notices that his hands are shaking. When he returns home, his hands are still shaking. Aunt May comes up to bring him something to eat because she noticed that Peter’s troubled by something. She has let him stay home the last little while because he’s still processing the recent murder of Uncle Ben.[2] Peter tells her that he’s dealing with something else altogether, but won’t say what it is. May is concerned but she knows that her nephew is a smart boy and will figure it out on his own. The only advice she can offer is that Peter should face his problems head-on.

The following day at school, Flash Thompson begins ragging on Peter from the moment Peter arrives. This time, Peter decides to stand his ground, however, when Flash calls his bluff the image of Spider-Man punching Bobby Grillo prevents him from acting. This convinces Flash and the other bullies that Peter is nothing but a coward and he runs away from their laughter. Back at his room, Peter throws his costume across the room as he feels trapped in a body with so much power that he could kill someone if he allowed his anger to get the better of him and decides that he’ll never become Spider-Man again. By this time, Bobby Grillo has returned home and is relieved that he was only put on probation. Since he is still healing from his injuries he’s been allowed to stay home and watch television all day and when his mother comes in and asks if he wants something to eat, he actually appreciates what she does for him for the first time. She takes this moment to talk to her son, telling Bobby that she loves him and how she is sorry for how he’s been brought up. She tells him how abusive his father and how it led to her drinking to ignore the pain. When Bobby asks why she stayed with his father if he was so abusive, saying that if she did care about him, she would have packed their things and left a long time ago. With that, Bobby storms out of the apartment.

While back at the Parker home, Aunt May has a surprise for Peter, she managed to find Ben’s collection of cheesy action movies and asks Peter to go through them and find the ones he wants and the rest she’ll give to the library. Peter wants them all and begins watching the movies, thinking about how much fun he had watching them with Uncle Ben when he was younger. He remembers how he once told his Uncle that he wished he could be like the action heroes in the movies and fight his way through anything That’s when Ben tells him how when he was younger, that he learned the hard way that violence is a dead-end, saying that being a real hero doesn’t solve problems with his fists. A real hero puts other people first even if it means you’re going to fail because it’s the right thing to do. This makes Peter decide to go and do the right thing and he races out of the house and later, comes knocking at Bobby Grillo’s door, but learns from his mother that Bobby isn’t home. At that very moment, Bobby is out buying another handgun from a fence. He intends to use it to do a real robbery to get enough money to leave New York behind him and vows that if a superhero tries to stop him, he’ll kill them.

By this time, Spider-Man is swinging around the area trying to find Bobby when suddenly a cable on a construction crane snaps threatening to send the whole thing crashing down on the crowd below. Quick thinking, Spider-Man uses his webbing to hold everything together while the police cleared out the crowd. Among the people standing directly below the crane is Bobby Grillo who is in awe that Spider-Man would risk his life in such a way to save a street full of strangers. Eventually, Spider-Man’s strength gives out and the crane comes crashing down, however by this time the crowd has been cleared out of harms way and they all (Bobby included) cheer Spider-Man for saving the day. Firemen rush to Spider-Man’s side and congratulate him for doing something so heroic. Spider-Man realizes that he can use his strength for good things that don’t involve throwing a single punch and swings for home. Meanwhile, Bobby Grillo decides he doesn’t need a gun after all and dumps the weapon down a storm drain before calling his mother and telling her that he’s going to try to get his life back on track.

Later, in Queens, Peter Parker is walking home when he crosses paths with Flash Thompson who tells Peter to go ahead and start running like usual. Instead, Peter confronts Flash and tells him that he’s not afraid of Thompson and, despite his efforts, he will never fight Flash. However, he warns Flash if that he continues to push him he’ll live to regret it. Flash says that he just razzes Peter like he does everyone else and that he wouldn’t pick on Parker so much if he stood up for himself. Peter points out that he is standing up for himself right now and Flash admits that he’s right and walks away telling Peter that he’s not letting him off the hook so easily. Peter tells Flash to bring it on and walks away thinking how Flash might be a moron but even though he could whip Thompson with one hand tied behind his back he won’t because that’s what heroes do.

Recurring Characters

Peter Parker, Flash Thompson, Aunt May, Liz Allan, Andrew Davis, Uncle Ben (in flashback)

Topical References

  • Outdated technology: Bobby Grillo watches an old CTR television with an analog television antenna. Ben Parker’s movie collection being on VHS.

Continuity Notes

1. This story takes place shortly after Peter got his powers. Per the Marvel Chronology Project, this story takes place before Amazing Spider-Man #1. It happens between a flashback from Amazing Spider-Man #649 and a flashback in Spider-Man’s Tangled Web #2.

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2. I guess it’s fair that there is an Uncle Ben reference in a story that took place not long after his death in Amazing Fantasy #15.

Common Ground!

Baby May Parker is sick with a fever, but because their pediatrician is out of town the Parkers have taken her to the emergency room.[1] There, Peter and Mary Jane’s Aunt Anna try to convince Mary Jane that her daughter just has a bad case of the sniffles and will be fine. Mary Jane is just concerned about the cost, but Peter points out that their medical insurance between his job at the Daily Bugle and their position as students at Empire State University will more than cover the doctor’s visit. That’s when Peter’s spider-sense begins warning him. It is warning him of the man who just entered the emergency room with an elderly woman. Peter recognizes him as Aleksi Sytsevich, aka the Rhino. Peter tells Mary Jane that he heard that he finally managed to get his rhino hide surgically removed.

Aleksi approaches the front desk and tells them that his Aunt Yulya needs a doctor and is handed a clipboard with forms to fill out, telling him that he also needs to provide photo ID and proof of insurance. Angered, Syytsevich crushes the clipboard in his bare hands and tells the nurse that his aunt needs medical attention right away. This show of strength doesn’t even phase the woman at the desk who simply tells him there is a huge line and that he needs to fill out the paperwork. When Alexsi heads to the waiting area with his aunt, Mary Jane feels bad for him and invites them to sit wither her, Peter and Aunt Anna and they can help him with the paperwork. Yulya accepts the offer and thanks Mary Jane and then reminds Aleksi not to lose his temper, reminding him how much trouble it caused for him in their native Russia when he was younger. Surprisingly, Aleksi obeys his elderly aunt without question.

That’s when he recognizes Peter Parker from his photos of Spider-Man in the Daily Bugle. Peter confirms this and introduces Aleksi to his wife and child. Aleksi then decides to get some coffee and offers to get some for Peter as well. While he is gone, Mary Jane asks Peter not to make this a thing, reminding him that there are innocent people all around. Peter promises Mary Jane that he’ll do his best. Peter gets up to join Aleksi while the women talk among themselves. Aleksi remembers how he was once hired to harass Peter and assures him that it was nothing personal and says he wants no trouble because his aunt needs medical attention.[2] Peter says it’s all in the past and they agree to let bygones be bygones. When the coffee machine eats Peter’s change, Aleksi slams the side of it causing it to dispense coffee moments later. As Yuylya tells Anna and Mary Jane how Aleksi sacrifices so much for his family, he tells Peter that he doesn’t have insurance and has to pay for his aunt’s treatment out of pocket. He assures Peter that he can get money when he needs it and asks him not to tell Spider-Man. Since he is secretly Spider-Man, Peter assures the Rhino that he won’t tell Spider-Man. The two get to talking and find a common ground in that both of them don’t make much money doing their respective jobs. Aleksi can relate with Peter over having bad bosses recalling how he is always treated like an idiot by his various employers.[3] But says that Spider-Man is actually the only real challenge he faces as the web-slinger is always interfering. When Aleksi asks why Spider-Man always interfered, Peter relates the story of how the murder of his Uncle Ben taught him the valuable lesson about power and responsibility.[4]

Surprisingly, Aleksi can relate to this, and tells Peter about what he had to do to provide for his family in Russia. He remembers how his Uncle Borya was taken away by soldiers and never seen again. Aleksi then got involved in the Russian mob to protect his family and it made good money. The country’s spy agency noticed this and offered him a job as well turning him into the Rhino. Through this work he was able to earn enough money to bring his family to America. That’s when Mary Jane interrupts to tell Peter that the doctors are ready to see May. Surprisingly, Aleksi says Peter is a good guy and the two shake hands. Peter wishes his aunt good luck and they part on good terms. As they walk away, Mary Jane tells Peter how Anna and Yulya were fast friends. Peter admits that he and the Rhino got along and figures when they meet again it will be on even ground.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Mary Jane Watson-Parker, May Parker, Anna Watson

Continuity Notes

  1. This story takes place in the MC2 universe, it is designated as Reality-982 per Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe: Alternate Universes 2005. In this reality, Peter and Mary Jane are still married and have a daughter, May Parker. It diverges from Earth-616 during the events of Amazing Spider-Man #418. On Earth-616, Mary Jane had a miscarriage, on Earth-982 she gives birth to May Parker.

  2. I’m quite sure that the Rhino going after Peter Parker is something that uniquely happened in the Earth-982 in an as yet untold story, but if I’m wrong shoot me an e-mail and correct me.

  3. Past employers are depicted as the Beetle, Doctor Octopus, and the Leader. On Earth-616, the Rhino was hired by the Leader in Incredible Hulk #124 and 158. The Rhino worked for the Beetle on a number of occasions when he formed the Sinister Syndicate in Amazing Spider-Man #280-281. It was though the Sinister Syndicate that the Rhino was later employed by Doctor Octopus in Webspinners: Tales of Spider-Man #17-18.

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4. Wow, two references to Uncle Ben in a single story. This isn’t redundant at all! Amazing Fantasy #15

Topical References

  • The Rhino’s past involves him working with the KGB. However, the MC2 universe, just like Earth-616, operates on a Sliding Timescale. As such, it becomes increasingly impossible for the Rhino to have been involved with the KGB as the organization dissolved in 1991.

The Amazing Spider-Ma’am

Aunt May is enjoying a nature show about the tarantula on television but can’t help but worry about her nephew Peter Parker, who is always out late trying to get photos of Spider-Man all the time.[1] That’s when she hears a crash in the kitchen and spies two young men trying to break into her home. She decides to retreat to Peter’s room since it is the furthest from the kitchen where she can hide and call the police. However, she hears the youths coming upstairs and is forced to hide in the closet before she can call from help. That’s when she finds one of Peter’s Spider-Man costumes hanging up and decides to use it to scare off the kids. She puts on the costumes and then takes the laces out of an old pair of sneakers.

Leaving Peter’s room she catches the two boys in her room stealing her smart phone and ties sets up a tripwire using the shoe laces and some thumb tacks. The two youths trip over the shoelace and tumble down the stairs. Recovering from the fall, one of the boys decides to sit down while the other goes through May’s silverware. However, the young man sits on a chair that May has laid out with thumbtacks and he quickly jumps back up screaming in pain. As the both work to pull the tacks out, May then drops two bags on flour on both of them. That’s when she runs up and screams boo in their face. Thinking they’re facing the real Spider-Man, the two boys drop the stolen goods and make a run for it. May then recovers her phone and uses it to report the attempted robbery.

As she is putting away the Spider-Man costume, Peter returns home and asks what happened. May tells him that she had a baking mishap, leaving him none the wise of what happened. The next night, while out fighting the Rhino, the villain notices that Spider-Man smells of the same perfume that his own grandmother wears.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Ma’am, Spider-Man

Continuity Notes

  1. This story takes place in an alternate reality that the Unofficial Appendix to the Marvel Universe has designated Earth-8121. Since it’s not in quotations on their website, I presume this has become an official designation, but I’ll be damned if I can find where it may have been referenced, and I don’t really care enough to go hunting for it. If you know where it’s officially referenced send me an e-mail.

Topical References

  • Real-world brand names: iPhone

Bridge and Tunnel

In the middle of a December blizard, Spider-Man wonders what has possessed him to ride atop a subway car in such terrible weather. However, he reminds himself that he is in this situation because he agreed to attend a play in Brooklyn that starred a friend of Carlie Cooper who Peter thought was cute. Unfortuantely, Lydia was immune to the Parker charm, resulting in Peter taking the subway home in the freezing cold, much to his chagrin. The cold is starting to get to him, so Spider-Man crawls into the subway car, telling everyone on board to remain calm. That’s when he recognizes one of the people on the train as Ronnie Shatzkin, a petty thug whose gang he busted in Harlem six months earlier.

Thinking he’s busted, Ronnie makes a run for it outside the train, forcing Spider-Man back outside to try and stop Ronnie before he gets himself hurt. This is no easy feet between the cold and on coming trains on the opposite side of the tracks making some tight squeezes. As the web-slinger is trying to remind Ronnie how running never works when he is suddenly struck by some signal lights. Discovering that his web-shooters are frozen solid forcing him to leap down and rescue Ronnie from an another on coming train. Once they are safely on a station platform, Spider-Man tells Ronnie that he’s going to bring him to the police station, but first he’s going to buy them both some coffee to warm up.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man

Topical References

  • Spider-Man references Rudy Giuliani who was mayor of New York from 1994 to 2001.

Amazing Spider-Man Family #2

Amazing Spider-Man Family #2

Amazing Spider-Man Family #4

Amazing Spider-Man Family #4