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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Edge of Spider-Verse #4

Edge of Spider-Verse #4

I Walked With a Spider

Welcome to another dimension that is unlike our own.[1] It is one where monsters dwell. It is home to Patton Parnel, who may look familiar but is not. He is out on the front lawn conducting a cruel experiment, burning ants under a magnifying glass. That’s when his Uncle Ted tells Patton to come inside because before he is late for school. Still, Patton is still focused on his experiments. When he gets to his room he stops to peep on his neighbor Sara Jane as she gets dressed. He is interrupted once again but Uncle Ted, who tells Patton to hurry up because he’s not going to drive him to school if he misses his bus.

On the bus ride, as his classmates make fun of him, Patton views them as test subjects that should be culled. That’s when Sara Jane asks to sit with him on the bus. She asks him if she is looking forward to their field trip to Alcorp and talks about their sick experimentation on animals. Patton, trying to impress her, pretends to be disgusted by this but doesn’t understand why she went out of her way to talk to him as she hadn’t done that before.

When they arrive at Alcorp, Sara Jane reveals that she is going to do something to show these “corporate pigs” but before she can explain what she has planned, Patton is shoved away by Gene, the class bully. When the tour begins, Sara Jane and Patton hang back until they get to one of the labs. The two rush inside, setting off the alarms. Sara Jane tells Patton to free as many animals as possible before they get caught. Patton is drawn to a spider and when he reaches in to grab it, it bites his hand. They are quickly caught and taken away. As they are being scolded, Patton focuses on the burning sensation in his hand, unaware of the fact that the spider venom is passing through his bloodstream. When they are told their parents are going to be called, Patton tells them that his parents are dead and he is being raised by his Uncle Ted, who works nights. Sara Jane then convinces them to let Patton go home with her, insisting that Patton is not at fault since she put him up to free the animals.

The next day, Patton is reeling in pain in his bedroom when his Uncle Ted comes banging on his door. That’s when Patton notices webbing has formed between his fingers. Before he can let his uncle in, Ted comes barging in and starts beating Patton with his belt. He thinks Patton is sick in the head for experimenting on the neighborhood pets. Sara Jane can hear the beating from next door and openly weeps for Patton.

The next day, Patton feels so weak from hunger he has to crawl to the fridge on his hands and knees. However, when a mouse gets caught in a mousetrap he ignores the fridge as he is filled with an uncontrollable urge to eat the mouse. He chomps it down with his newly formed fangs. He is still hungry and decides he needs to find something bigger to eat. He manages to nab a neighborhood cat and brings it into his room. When he tries to eat it, the cat slashes his face with its claws. When it runs away he manages to catch it by shooting webbing from his wrists. It’s then that Patton realizes that he is changing due to the spider bite he got the day before.

That night, when Uncle Ted comes home, he yells for Patton, hoping the boy made dinner. However, the power is out and he is forced to light his way with his lighter. Walking into the kitchen, Ted is horrified to see a number of dead animals suspended from cocoons of webbing. Patton is clinging to the roof and tells his uncle that he is for dinner. Patton opens his mouth and massive fangs. As he lunges at his uncle, Patton tells him that with great power comes great appetite.

The next day, Patton reports to school thinking about who he should eat next. Stopping at his locker he feasts on a pigeon to tide him over. That’s when Gene comes to bully him again. This time Patton stands up to Gene who challenges him to a fight in the locker room during lunch. Patton thinks that would be perfect. After school, he comes across a kid stapling a missing pet poster onto a lamp post. He convinces the boy to come home with him, saying that he found his dog. The boy follows him unaware that he is going to become another victim of Patton Parnel’s growing appetite.

Later that evening, as Patton is researching the spider that bit him, Sara Jane comes knocking at his door. She is looking for Gene, who hasn’t been seen since before lunch and asks if Patton has seen him. He invites her in and asks her what she sees in him since Gene is such a dick. She is surprised by his sudden confidence and is even more so when he misses her on the lips. Then, Patton bites her neck, deciding to make her his next meal. She slashes his face with her finger nails in an effort to get him off of her. The stripped away flesh reveals that Patton has grown some extra eyes. He then drops all pretense of his humanity and when she tries to run, he spins a web in the doorway to block her path. She runs up to Patton’s bedroom and is horrified to see the bodies suspended from the ceiling. More disturbing, his Uncle Ted is still alive and has been tied to Patton’s bed.

By this time, Patton has grown two extra arms and explains to Sara Jane that he is a carrier and that all of his victims are incubators for his children. That’s when millions of spiders begin bursting from Uncle Ted’s body and crawling all over Sara Jane. However, before Patton can do anything else, Morlun appears. He senses how fresh this spider-totem is as he was able to smell him from dimensions away. When Patton tries to attack him, Morlun rips off one of his arms. Snapping out of her shock, Sara Jane flees from the house as Morlun incapacitates Patton and absorbs his life force.

The following morning, Sara Jane wakes up in her room and tries to convince herself the horror from the night before was all a dream. However, when she looks in the mirror she sees the bite Patton made on her neck. Taking a closer look she begins to scream when a swarm of spiders begin crawling out of the bite marks and covering her face.[2]

… Edge of Spider-Verse continues in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 3) #7.

Recurring Characters

Morlun

Continuity Notes

  1. Per Secret Wars: The Official Guide to the Marvel Multiverse #1 this story takes place in Reality-51412.

  2. The fate of Sara Jane and her world is not revealed as of this writing (Janaury 2021), despite the fact that following Spider-Verse a team of spiders from across the multiverse were gathered to try and help realities that lost their spider-totem.

Edge of Spider-Verse #3

Edge of Spider-Verse #3

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Edge of Spider-Verse #5