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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Dark Reign: The List - Amazing Spider-Man #1

Dark Reign: The List - Amazing Spider-Man #1

The Last Name

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Spider-Man cannot believe that he lives in a world where Norman Osborn is considered a hero. However, that’s the reality he’s been living ever since Norman made the kill shot that took out the queen leading a Skrull invasion of Earth.[1]

Angered by this, Peter Parker goes to the Front Line and suggests that Ben Urich publish a story about how Norman Osborn is a menace. While that is something very Jameson-esque, Ben Urich points out that this is not the Daily Bugle and he’s not J. Jonah Jameson and that they need facts if they are going to go after America’s new top cop. Peter reminds Ben about the discovery that Norman was experimenting on illegal immigrants from China. Ben remembers, but points out that Norman already got ahead of this story, putting the blame on the shoulders of his son Harry. More over, none of the victims want to talk for fear of being deported.[2]

Norah Winters also brings up how she recently broke into Avengers Tower to learn what sort of dirty dealings were behind Norman’s American Son program. However, despite all the dirt she managed to dig up, Osborn threatened her badly enough to bury the story.[3] However, she bets that there is still video evidence of what she learned there, something Joe Robertson agrees with since he knows how much of an egomaniac Osborn is. Peter points out that it is nearly impossible to get into Avengers Tower especially after the recent break-ins. However, Norah might have a solution as she was able to smuggle out blueprints Oscorps head office, swapping them out for a novelty posters. Peter believes that this could be useful, figuring that Norman would have a hidden cache of damaging evidence there.

Later that evening, Spider-Man breaks into Oscorp’s head office and begins downloading videos of Norman’s early trials of his Goblin/Super-Soldier formula hybrid. As he does this he doesn’t know that Norman — in his Iron Patriot armor — and Victoria Hand are heading to the security room as tonight is the night that Osborn plans on eliminating #8 on his list: Spider-Man. Spider-Man is caught red handed, but manages to escape with a USB drive with the footage. The Iron Patriot follows after Spider-Man.

Although the wall-crawler has squared off against Iron Man technology before, he is not prepared for Norman using it in underhanded ways. Knowing the web-slinger won’t let other people get injured, Norman blasts the side of a building, forcing the wall-crawler to double back and pull people out of harms way. Evading Norman’s onslaught, he is then struck by a target seaking uni-beam. As Spider-Man recovers from the hit, he realizes that Osborn modified Stark’s Uni-Beam weapon — which has always been a simple shape — changing it into a star. That’s when he is swarmed by a crowd of people. The Iron Patriot orders everyone to move aside and soon the battle between Spider-Man and Osborn continues.

By this point, the press have arrived and are broadcasting the battle live. While most people are cheering for Norman Osborn some are rooting for Spider-Man, including Norah Winters at the Front Line, and Harry Osborn, who watches the battle on a TV in the back room of the Coffee Bean. At Oscorp, Victoria Hand orders everything wiped from the computers to prevent something like this from happening again.

Moments later, the Iron Patriot has easily overpowered Spider-Man and tells him that history will deem him a hero, while Spider-Man will die a criminal. He switches his Uni-Beam to a magnetic pulse intending to wipe out the data Spider-Man stole and fry the hero’s brain at the same time. Spider-Man manages to break free by hitting the Uni-Beam projector as hard as he can. This causes the device to blow up in Norman’s face when it malfunctions. In the meantime, Spider-Man slips through an ally, stripping off his costume as he goes. The Iron Patriot follows after him to recover the data, but loses him in the crowd. Spotting a nearby Internet cafe rushes inside and catches Peter Parker uploading the stolen data onto the internet.[4] Although Osborn tries to blast all the computers, he is too late to stop Peter from uploading all the data.

When the Iron Patriot threatens Peter, he reminds him that he’s a normal taxpaying citizen of the United States of America and that as a representative of the government, Norman works for him. That said, if the images he just uploaded are false, he dares Norman to try and take him to court and incarcerate him but asks what he will do the next time the truth gets out, and how he will make other people disappear. Realizing that he can’t do anything about this at the moment, Norman tells Peter that he just made his list and flies off, contacting Victoria Hand and tells her to get this situation under control. As Peter leaves the cafe, Joe Robertson calls to congratulate him on a job well done. However, that’s when Norah Winters grabs Joe’s phone to berate Peter because Betty Brant beat them to the scoop first. Peter apologizes, telling her that Betty’s e-mail went out first based on alphabetical order. Peter figures Norah will never let him get over this, but figures it's worth the cost since this is the first step in a long battle to take down Norman Osborn.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Iron Patriot, Ben Urich, Joe Robertson, Norah Winters, HAMMER (Victoria Hand), Harry Osborn

Continuity Notes

  1. Osborn killed Queen Veranke in Secret Invasion #8, making him a hero and landing him the top job at SHIELD (which he renamed HAMMER) and got to form his own team of Avengers in Dark Avengers #1.

  2. Norman’s chemical weapon testing on undocumented immigrants was uncovered, then blamed on Harry, during Amazing Spider-Man #568-573.

  3. The American Son fiasco — where Norman tried to make Harry a superhero — happened in Amazing Spider-Man #594-599.

  4. Norman quickly assumes that Spider-Man handed off the data to an ally and doesn’t make a connection between Spider-Man and Peter Parker. This is because Norman’s knowledge of Peter Parker was erased when Mephisto altered reality in Amazing Spider-Man #545. In the new timeline, Peter sought out the aid of Doctor Strange to erase everyone’s memories of his secret identity, as seen in Amazing Spider-Man #640-641. This spell not only makes people forget, but also makes them incapable of putting together clues that could reveal Spider-Man’s identity. This clue remains in place until Amazing Spider-Man #673.

Dark Reign: The Goblin Legacy #1

Dark Reign: The Goblin Legacy #1