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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Spider-Man Unlimited (vol. 3) #14

Spider-Man Unlimited (vol. 3) #14

Without a Trace

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Spider-Man chases after the Black Cat across the rooftops of New York City and has her stop and clarify what she just said.[1] She clarifies that she intends to break into the Latverian Embassy. Peter tells Felicia that when he said he owed her one favor, no questions asked, he didn’t mean something illegal. The Cat then points out that she earned that favor for helping Spider-Man break the Green Goblin out of prison. The web-slinger insists that’s different because it was a matter of life or death.[2] The Black Cat tells Spider-Man that she got word that a high priced item at the embassy that could hurt a lot of people. Although she can’t tell the wall-crawler what that object is but she needs his help to get it. Peter decides to have faith that she was doing the right thing.

Later, at the Latverian Embassy, as the Black Cat cuts the glass one of the windows. While she is busy, Spider-Man makes a joke about her cleavage, prompting the Cat to point out that her breasts can be a useful distraction in her line of work. As they get into the embassy, Spider-Man hopes that if they run into Doctor Doom he finds them as much as a distraction as he does. Spider-Man is very concerned when he learns that they are breaking into Doom’s bedroom, but the Black Cat says there are rumors that Doom is gone and is not coming back.[3]

The Black Cat then finds the secret entrance to the elevator that will take them down to Doom’s private lab. Once the elevator doors open, Spider-Man and the Black Cat instantly have to dodge the various security devices. That’s when they are ambushed by a Doombot disguised as Doctor Doom. At first, the think it’s the real Doom until the Black Cat rips off his metal mask. Spider-Man then incapacitates the robot by putting his fist through its head. As Felicia cracks the safe, Spider-Man suggests that they retreat as there are probably more Doombots around.

However, the Black Cat refuses to give up until she gest what she came for. She then reveals that she came to recover one of Spider-Man’s old spider-tracers. Spider-Man points out that the device is useless to anyone but him. The Cat gets upset, knowing that Spider-Man would pull this “I-know-better-than-you” attitude and after dusting the spider-tracer points out that the person looking to obtain the spider-tracer wanted it because it had one of Peter Parker’s fingerprints on it and thus, a threat to Spider-Man’s secret identity. She then “apologizes” to Peter for getting him his identity back.

Later that evening, Peter is back home thinking when Mary Jane asks him if everything is all right. He tells Mary Jane about what happened tonight and she is unimpressed about the Black Cat coming into their lives again. However, Peter points out that she acted selflessly this time, as he wasn’t just saving Peter’s secret identity but helping also maintain Mary Jane and Aunt May’s safety as well. He thinks that Felicia might finally be turning over a new leaf.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Black Cat, Mary Jane Watson

Continuity Notes

  1. Felicia reminds Spider-Man that they have secret identities to maintain and to stop calling her by her real name. Spider-Man has known Felicia Hardy’s secret identity since Amazing Spider-Man #194. He revealed his secret identity to her in Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #87.

  2. This is in reference to the fact that when Aunt May was kidnapped in Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #1, Spider-Man eventually had to break the Goblin out of prison in Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #9-12 to get her back.

  3. At the time of this story, Doctor Doom was last seen getting trapped in Hell as seen in Fantastic Four (vol. 3) #67-70/Fantastic Four #500. However, he will return to Earth in Fantastic Four #536-537.

Topical References

  • Spider-Man compares the number of Doombots to Star Wars: The Clone Wars cartoon series. The cartoon ran for two seasons between 2003 and 2005 and a revival series that ran from 2008 until 2020.

S.C.U.D.S.

Artie wakes up to radio reports about Spider-Man’s recent battle against Doctor Octopus. Slamming his fist on his clock radio he thinks about how he hates his job, but it’s a dirty job and someone has to do it. As he has his morning coffee, is less impressed when he hears another report about Spider-Man leaving a bunch of thieves webbed up for the police. Soon, Artie arrives at the New York Department of Sanitation and as he puts on his work clothes in the locker room the Spider-Man clean-up crew is ordered to go to 4th and Broadway.

At 7:33 am that morning, Artie is cleaning up webbing at a bodega that was trashed during a fight between Spider-Man and a thief. The store owner complains about the damage done. All Artie can say is that the city will take responsibility for whatever it can. He then arrives at the next scene a little before 9 am where there is an overturned car in the street. The owner explains how it happened the night before and then asks if they can keep his girlfriend from finding out, since he was supposed to be at home that night. At 12 past 11, Artie is assessing a massive hole in the street. When a woman complains about needing to walk her dog, Artie tells her the city will try to repair the damage as quickly as possible. Artie’s crew is busy cleaning up when he gets another call for the Spider-Man crew to report to Central Park. Disgruntled, Artie wishes Spider-Man could just got on vacation for once.

Later that afternoon, Artie assesses the damage and based on the ice slides and sand particles, deduces that Spider-Man must have been fighting the Sandman and assisted by Iceman. He bemusedly thinks that he should have become a detective. He then gets his men to take down the ice slides before they melt and spread the sand out all over the place.

After a busy workday, Artie heads back to the Department of Sanitation, he figures that Spider-Man’s apartment must be a pigstye. After punching out, he goes to a bar where he stews on the fact that he works 12 hours a day cleaning up after a superhero for little thanks or reward. On his way home, Artie is nabbed by some muggers who yank him into an alley. Before they can mug him, Spider-Man swings in and saves Artie’s life. After webbing up the crooks, Spider-Man takes off. Artie rushes home furious that Spider-Man didn’t even acknowledge him. That’s when he notices a basket waiting for him on the balcony of his apartment. Bringing it inside, he reads the card and is surprised to discover that it is a gift from Spider-Man thanking him for all his hard work.

However, this does little to soothe Artie’s bad mood, rummaging through his backpack he pulls out a jar of the Sandman’s sand that he collected in Central Park. He places it among other super-villain gear he has collected over time and vows that soon the city will be cleared of its bug infestation.[1]

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man

Continuity Notes

  1. Do we see Artie ever again? He hasn’t reappeared yet as I write this (June 2020)

Topical References

  • Artie’s has a 2005 calendar hanging on his wall. The year listed on the calendar should be considered topical. j

Spider-Man Unlimited (vol. 3) #13

Spider-Man Unlimited (vol. 3) #13

Spider-Man Unlimited (vol. 3) #15

Spider-Man Unlimited (vol. 3) #15