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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Spider-Woman (vol. 5) #10

Spider-Woman (vol. 5) #10

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Now

Spider-Woman and the Black Widow are on the deck of a SHIELD helicarrier as the world around them is coming to an end. As they race to a carrier ship, Jessica laments that she could have been eating french fries off the dashboard of a Cadillac blissfully unaware that the world is coming to an end.

The Black Widow apologizes for dragging Jessica into it, particularly since she didn’t really contribute much, but she reminds her that Avengers don’t get to live a normal life when the world is in danger. Spider-Woman knows exactly what she means and that’s why she quit.[1][2]

Two Days Earlier

Ben Urich and the Porcupine have been dragged out to the middle of the desert by the enthralled residents of Dodge City where they are going to be buried alive. However, they don’t account for the Porcupine using his suit’s ability to fire its quills and takes them all out. He then frees himself and Ben Urich so they can rescue Spider-Woman. Unfortunately, Ben collapses once untied and as Roger checks to see if he is all right he discovers that the reporter is seriously bleeding.

Meanwhile, at the local slaughterhouse, Spider-Woman is fighting off the locals who are under the command of the sheriff, who wants to chop her up. Jessica is unphased and after knocking out the slaughterhouse employees runs outside.[3] This leads her to the cattle pens where she watches in horror as the locals inject the cows with gamma radiation, turning them into massive Hulk-cows.

By this time, the Porcupine has gotten Ben to the local hospital for medical attention. However, the only nurse on staff not affected by the same thing enslaving everyone else tells them that it’s not safe as the drones are swarming the hospital. The trio makes their escaped in an ambulance so they can get away and the nurse can treat Ben’s gunshot wounds. As Roger drives he asks the nurse why she wasn’t like the rest of the town. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have any clear answers until Roger figures out that she’s still normal because she is a vegan. He also learns that the biggest business in town is National Beef run by Carson Dowling.

They race to the meat processing plant where the Porcupine leaves the nurse to treat Ben. He then storms the building and gets to Carson Dowling’s office where he sees that the entire room is filled with television screens allowing Dowlings to watch the fruit of his labor. As Roger makes this discovery, Carson and his minions sneak up behind him.

Back in the cattle pens, where Jessica is holding her own against the enslaved locals and their gamma-irradiated herd. She manages to snatch away the massive needle he has been using to inject the cattle. Suddenly, all the locals stop attacking her and Roger begins talking to her through them. As it turns out, the Porcupine easily took out Carson Dowling and stopped the locals hostilities with the VR headset that Dowling was using to control them.

Later, at dawn, Spider-Woman and her friends have retreated to a nearby motel to celebrate their victory and have a few laughs about the whole experience in Dodge City. That’s when Roger points out that Jessica has been standing up with an empty ice bucket for some time and tells her to go out and get them some more ice.

Outside, Spider-Woman is confronted by the Black Widow who has been trying to get ahold of her because the multiverse is in danger. However, Jessica doesn’t care what the danger is, she just wants to live a normal life. Natasha explains that this isn’t just the usual threat that the Avengers face every day but something that could bring about the destruction of everything. She eventually convinces Jessica to come and summons a SHIELD hovercar to pick them up. When Natasha asks if Jessica wants to say goodbye to her friends, Jess decides to just go since they’ll probably figure it out. Jessica discards her ice bucket and cowboy hat and heads off to face the end of the world.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Woman, Ben Urich, Porcupine, Black Widow, Beast

Continuity Notes

  1. Spider-Woman quit the Avengers in Spider-Woman (vol. 5) #4 so she can take a stab at a normal life.

  2. For more on the end of the world see the Time Runs Out story arc in Avengers World #17-21, Avengers (vol. 5) #35-44, and New Avengers (vol. 3) #24-33.

  3. Jessica states that her origin story is much scarier than this. There are two conflicting stories as to how Spider-Woman got her powers:

    • The first and most reinforced origin was told Marvel Spotlight #32/Spider-Woman #1, it is stated that Jessica was given a spider formula by her father and the High Evolutionary in order to cure her while in suspended animation, thus getting her powers.

    • In Spider-Woman: Origin #1-5 suggests that her parents were Hydra agents and that she was exposed to a mutagenic ray while in the womb getting her spider-powers at birth.

Topical References

  • Outdated technology: DVR

Spider-Woman (vol. 5) #9

Spider-Woman (vol. 5) #9