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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Thor #376

Thor #376

Heroes Always Win… Don’t They?

New York

The Absorbing Man is back and on the rampage again just as Thor returns to the city. Before his arrival, Thor was tricked into fighting mortals transformed into some of his old foes as part of a scheme by Loki. Tricked into thinking that Crusher Creel is another transformed mortal, the thunder god holds back, not wanting to harm an innocent person being manipulated against their will.

In order to further sell this deception, Loki transforms a female mortal into Titania, the Absorbing Man’s lover. When Thor swats the fake Titania away, he inadvertedly snaps her neck. Thinking that the real Titania has been murdered by his mortal foe, Creel becomes enrage and attacks with complete abandon. Striking Thor with his ball in chain, the Absorbing Man cracks the thunder god’s ribs as his bones have been made brittle due to a curse put on him by Hela.[1]

As the battle rages, a sensationalist news reporter named Chuck Cherkle arrives on the scene and begins reporting live. As Thor fights for his life, Cherkle begins to opine on the value of superheroes in society.

Asgard

Loki is showing Thor’s battle on Earth to the Frost Giants of Jotunheim. This is all part of a plan to convince them to trust him as he has come offering to restore their diminished size following a battle with Balder the Brave.[2] The giants all accept Loki’s offer, however they do not fully trust him and begin plotting a betrayal once they get what they want from him.

Elsewhere in the kingdom, the massive scabbard the people of Asgard have constructed is now complete. They then use the sheath to contain the Twilight Sword the massive sword left over from the Surtur War.[3] With the massive weapon sheathed, Balder proclaims that the massive sword will serve as a warning to all of Asgard’s enemies that they are not a people to be trifled with. He henceforth renames the sword the Twilight of the Gods.

New York

The battle between Thor and the Absorbing Man is not going well as Thor continues to believe he is fighting a mortal transformed. Creel, on the other hand, is not holding back at all because he is still convinced Thor murdered his girl. When the fight sends them both falling breaking through the street and into the subway below, Thor realizes that there is too much at risk and tries to flee the scene.

This is captured by Chuck Cherkle and his camera man who begin to call Thor a coward.

Asgard

Loki has returned to his castle to begin the next phase of his scheme. Going to his lab he begins working on a mystic brew that will bring about the death of his enemies and contains it in a specially prepared jar.

Meanwhile, back in the kingdom, the Enchantress continues to grieve over the death of the Executioner.[4] Standing at the edge of the shattered Bifrost Bridge, she tries to seek comfort from Heimdall.[5] However, the former guardian of the bridge doesn’t give it freely, reminding Amora how she would emotionally manipulate men — particularly the Executioner. He also insists that she get over her grief so that she can use her powers to help along lovers in Asgard. This bluntness infuriates Amora, who accuses him of being like every other man in Asgard and attempts to use her magic to turn Heimdall into a tree. However, such magic has no effect on him and he points out that the real reason the Enchantress is so upset is that she did love the Executioner but never had the chance to tell him. Realizing the truth, Amora breaks down into tears and this time, Heimdall’s arms are there to comfort her.

In the city, Fandral and Hogun have decided to help Mick and Kevin — two mortals adopted by Volstagg — toughen up for life in Asgard as the two were banged up pretty bad playing football with their adopted siblings. To this end, Hogun has gotten one of the golden apples of Idunn and begins feeding the boys slivers of the enchanted apples. Due to the fact that they grant the Asgardians with immortality, eating the slices cause Mick and Kevin to feel stronger and their bruises instantly heal. When this is observed by Sif, Hogun explains his justification and she agrees to help him train the boys to survive living in Asgard.[6]

New York

The battle between Thor and the Absorbing Man is not going well at all. When the thunder god tries to restrain his foe in a vortex, Creel’s wrecking ball makes contact with Mjolnir allowing him to absorb the properties of the enchanted hammer. Crusher then begins thrashing Thor, shattering more of his bones and making even the slightest move absolute agony.

However, by this time, Thor has realized that he is fighting the real Absorbing Man and not another impostor. Unable to fight any further, Thor does the next best thing to end Creel’s rampage: creating a vortex that banishes the Absorbing Man to a dead world.[7] As Thor gets to his feet he notices that the “Titania” he accidentally killed earlier was yet another mortal transformed into one of his foes.

As Thor tries to leave the scene of the battle he is swarmed by congratulatory bystanders and reporters seeking comment. All of them are completely oblivious to the amount of pain Thor is in until the thunder god suddenly collapses to the ground.

Asgard

Loki has arrived at the edge of the kingdom and tosses the jar of his potent brew onto the ground where it shatters. It unleashes a cloud of demonic forces that will bring about the end of Asgard.

Recurring Characters

Thor, Absorbing Man, Loki, Balder, Sif, Heimdall, Frigga, Warriors Three (Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg), Enchantress, Hildy, Chuck Cherkle, Kevin Mortensen, Mick Mortensen

Continuity Notes

  1. Hela wanted revenge against Thor after he humiliated her in Thor #361 and cursed him in issue #373. The curse will ultimately be lifted in issue #383.

  2. Balder used his newfound light powers to “melt” the Frost Giants down in size. See Balder the Brave #1-4.

  3. Surtur attempted to destroy all life in the universe with Twilight but was defeated by Odin, who seemingly sacrificed his life to do so. See Thor #350-353. Odin is still alive however, as everyone will discover in Thor #398-400. The fate of the Twilight Sword won’t be revealed until Thor #425, which shows that it had been stashed away in the Sea of Eternal Night to prevent anyone from using it.

  4. Skurge sacrificed his life in order to by Thor and his allies time to escape Hela’s domain in Thor #362.

  5. The Bifrost bridge was shattered by Surtur back in Thor #351. It will eventually be restored in issue #426.

  6. Mick and Kevin were orphaned when their mother was murdered by the Zaniac. They were subsequently adopted by Volstagg. See Thor #371-372. The Zaniac profile in Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A-Z #13 reveals that their last names are Mortensen.

  7. The Absorbing Man will eventually return to Earth where he becomes a mob enforcer in Las Vegas, as seen in Incredible Hulk #347-348.

Topical References

  • One of the reporters trying to get comment from Thor is depicted holding a rather dated pocket tape recorder that reporters often used in the 1980s. This should be considered topical as this type of recorder is now obsolete.

Thor #375

Thor #375

Thor #377

Thor #377