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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Amazing Spider-Man (Vol. 2) #1

Amazing Spider-Man (Vol. 2) #1

Where R U Spider-Man???

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Spider-Man has been absent among the superhero community prompting the Human Torch to write a flame message in the sky over their usual meeting place, the Statue of Liberty reading “Where RU Spider-Man?”.[1] As he works, the Torch thinks about how Spider-Man was last seen battling his old foe the Green Goblin and wonders why Spider-Man didn’t come asking for help, wishing that if the wall-crawler was in trouble that he would seek out his friends for help.[2] Below the Torch the rest of the Fantastic Four are waiting on standby and are sorry that Johnny’s attempts to reach Spider-Man have not worked. Johnny decides to give up, believing that Spider-Man will contact them if he needs the help of the Fantastic Four and the team heads back to their headquarters.

As they enter the city, they are observed by Peter Parker who is standing out on the balcony of his brand new apartment. He thinks about how Johnny Storm will have a long time to wait since he has decided to retire from being Spider-Man, particularly after all of the sacrifices he had to make during his career. However, he can’t help but think about his poor Uncle Ben, whose murder inspired him to become Spider-Man in the first place.[3] Still, he considers that part of his life over, now that Mary Jane has gotten back into modeling, Peter wants to look after his family and work on finishing graduate school. Inside he is greeted by his Aunt May who also saw the Human Torch’s message and wonders why anyone would miss that “horrible Spider-Man”, particularly such a nice young man like Johnny Storm. Sitting down for a bite to eat, Peter asks his doting Aunt how she is doing. May admits that she is still trying to get used to her recent kidnapping and wonders why the Green Goblin would have wanted to convince Spider-Man that she was dead.[4] Still, Aunt May can’t help but feel bad about her friends who thought she had been dead all those months and how they spent so much money on flowers to put on her grave while living on fixed incomes. Another thing she is trying to get used to, she adds, is finding herself living in the penthouse apartment with her nephew and his wife, Mary Jane.[5]

As if on cue, Peter gets a phone call from Mary Jane who is on location in a tropical location for a fashion shoot. She tells Peter that she won’t be coming back right away as her agent managed to get her booked for another shoot in Paris then to England for a fitting for a fall collection. Peter tells Mary Jane not to worry and to have fun, telling her that he has plenty going on between grad school, is a freelance job at the Daily Bugle, and his upcoming job interview at the TriCorp Research Foundation. He tells her though that he wishes he could spend what free time he has with his wife but promises her that he will stay out of costume per their agreement. Watching Johnny Storm’s message dissipate in the sky, Peter promises her again that he won’t go in costume.

Elsewhere in the city, Daredevil ambushes a crook who was distracted by Johnny Storm’s message as well. Upon hearing this, Daredevil allows his other senses to “read” the message and thinks about how Spider-Man’s absence on the streets has made his job a whole lot harder. Also reading this message is Captain America who is viewing it from the rooftop of Avengers Mansion.[6] He is joined by Jarvis, the Avengers butler, who has come to tell Cap that he is needed down in the training room, and takes the time to admit that he is also troubled by Spider-Man’s absence from the city. Downstairs, the rest of the Avengers are in the middle of a training session but everyone is distracted by the news about Spider-Man having gone missing. When Thor tosses his hammer at the Vision he turns intangible so it passes harmlessly through him. However, this sends it on a direct path toward the Scarlet Witch. While everyone tries to rush to her aid, the Witch proves she is in no danger by using her hex powers to cause Mjolnir to lose momentum and fall harmlessly to the ground. With the training session over, Captain America turns the Avenger’s attention to the headline at the Daily Bugle. The front page had one of J. Jonah Jameson’s editorials calling Spider-Man a coward and although he admits that the Bugle’s publisher has always had it out for the wall-crawler, Cap believes that this time the newspaper publisher may have taken things too far.[7]

This is the same opinion shared by Joe Robertson, the Bugle’s editor, the next day and he tells Jonah to let it go since he finally got what he wanted, a city bereft of Spider-Man. Unfortunately, Jameson still as a huge ax to bare after all the years Spider-Man has spent humiliating him. He still believes Spider-Man is out there somewhere hiding in his civilian guise and vows to learn his secret identity and expose him once and for all. Noticing all of his employees are watching this exchange, Jonah angrily orders them all to get back to work. Watching this with a lot of amusement is Peter Parker who has come to deliver pictures that Joe Robertson had asked for. When Jonah learns why Parker is there he looks at the photos himself and rejects them all, telling Parker to get back out there and get the photos he’s known for: pictures of Spider-Man. After Jameson storms off, Joe tells Peter that he will still buy the photos, but can’t help but ask if Peter may know what happened to Spider-Man. Peter tells Robertson that he hasn’t an idea. When Betty tells Joe that there are reports of the Scorpion going on a rampage, he assigns her to cover the story. When he offers Peter the opportunity to photograph the battle, Peter turns it down telling Joe that he has an appointment to keep.

Elsewhere in the city, the Scorpion is rampaging in the streets, making sort work with the cops thanks to his new suit of armor which includes a tail that can fire destructive energy blasts. When Betty Brant arrives on the scene she is shocked by how much more powerful the Scorpion had gotten since her last run-in with him.[8] When she rushes in to try and get a good photo of the Scorpion, the villain notices her and is about to turn on her when he is suddenly attacked from above by Spider-Man.[9] When the wall-crawler asks why he is attacking people in the streets, the Scorpion explains he had no choice as he was on a missing person case and his employer dropped him in the middle of the city in front of the cops, leading to this confrontation. Regardless, Spider-Man intends to stop the Scorpion’s rampage and send him to jail. This does little to phase the Mac Gargan who uses his new tail to blast the side of a building, forcing Spider-Man to rush to hold it up.[10] While Spider-Man struggles to keep the side of the building from collapsing, the Scorpion ambushes the wall-crawler causing the wall to crumble, burying Spider-Man alive, this allows the Scorpion to make his escape.

A short time after this, Peter Parker arrives at the headquarters of the TriCorp Research Foundation for his job interview. He is greeted by Terry Kwan, who takes him on a guided tour and tells him the history of the company, which dates back over 100 years. Although Peter finds this all fascinating he still can’t help but worry about the Scorpion’s attack and tries to get his mind off it by assuring himself that some other hero will handle the problem. His mind is soon taken off the Scorpion when Terry beings telling Peter about TriCorp’s patent royalty agreement. She then takes him to meet the team he will be working with, explaining that while independent research is encouraged they have people work in teams of experts in different fields to diversify their work through collaboration. He is quickly introduced to his team which includes astrophysicist Walter Thorson, molecular chemist Javier Caldrone, geneticist Stan Hardy, and quantum mechanic Chantal Stone. Introductions are quickly interrupted when the Scorpion suddenly bursts through the wall. He tells the gathered scientists that he has come for one of them and that person should surrender themselves immediately. When nobody moves, the Scorpion begins attacking, prompting Peter to rush to get his new colleagues out of harm’s way. He manages to get Terry, Javier, Stan, and Chantal to safety. When goes back for Walter sees the Scorpion descending on the helpless scientist. Taking a risk, Peter uses his spider-powers to cause debris to fall on the Scorpion. Suddenly, the villain’s bio-scanner begins to go off, confirming to the villain that Peter Parker is the person he has come looking for.

With no other choice, Peter prepares to use his powers to defend himself even if it means giving up his secret identity. However, before Peter can act, Spider-Man swings into the room, much to his surprise. As Spider-Man and the Scorpion battle, Peter wonders who this new wall-crawler is and notes that they have similar moves but lack in his experience. Unable to stop himself from helping, Peter gets the other scientists to help him hook up a live wire to a Kirby 2000 electrical generator. He then ropes the wire around the Scorpion’s arm as they activate the generator causing a powerful electrical jolt that knocks the Scorpion out. With the battle over, Peter asks this new Spider-Man who they are, but the wall-crawler refuses to divulge his secret identity and takes off. Just then, Terry approaches Peter with Ted Twaki, the head of TriCorp who wants to speak with him. Peter winces, fearing the worst thinking that his new job is going to end before it can begin. However, his fears are for nothing as when he returns home to his apartment he is happy to tell Aunt May that he managed to land the job, saying that Twaki was interested in someone who can think on his feet. Hearing this is a delight to Aunt May who tells Peter that his Uncle Ben would be very proud of him. Hugging Aunt May, Peter thanks her for her kind words as they were just what he wanted to hear.

Recurring Characters

Peter Parker, “Spider-Man”, Scorpion, Mary Jane Watson, Aunt May, J. Jonah Jameson, Joe Robertson, Betty Brant, Terry Kwan, Walter Thorson, Javier Caldrone, Stan Hardy, Chantal Stone, Ted Twaki, Fantastic Four (Mister Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, Thing), Avengers (Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Vision, Scarlet Witch, Justice, Firestar), Edwin Jarvis, Daredevil

Continuity Notes

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  1. Spider-Man and the Human Torch have been using the Statue of Liberty as their meeting place since the early days of their careers. The first time this happened was in Strange Tales Annual #2.

  2. Spider-Man’s battle with the Green Goblin happened during the Final Chapter story arc.

  3. Peter’s Uncle Ben was killed by a burglar in Amazing Fantasy #15. Peter had just recently got his spider-powers and could have stopped the burglar the day before. Seeing the result of his inaction prompted Peter to use his Spider-Man powers to fight crime.

  4. Aunt May was believed to have died in Amazing Spider-Man #400. However, this was all a deception created by the Green Goblin. As revealed in Spider-Man #97, Norman Osborn had the real may kidnapped and replaced with an impostor who died in her place. Peter eventually learned the truth and saved his Aunt in that very same issue.

  5. Peter and Mary Jane are referred to as husband and wife here. However, years later, their marriage is erased from existence by Mephisto in Amazing Spider-Man #546. As such, they should be considered a common-law couple here instead of husband and wife.

  6. Captain America is depicted here as having a shield made of energy. At the time of this story, Captain America lost his trademark round shield in Captain America (Vol. 3) #2 and started wielding the energy shield in issue #9 of that series. Cap will regain his trademark weapon in Captain America (Vol. 3) #22.

  7. J. Jonah Jameson has regularly used his newspaper to demonize Spider-Man since the beginning of the wall-crawler’s career back in Amazing Spider-Man #1.

  8. Betty last encountered the Scorpion while he was employed by Roxxon Oil in Spider-Man Unlimited #22.

  9. This is not Peter Parker in the Spider-Man costume, the identity of this Spider-Man is revealed next issue.

  10. The Scorpion quips about how Spider-Man had recently gotten “good” at holding up buildings. This is a reference to Spider-Man #98. In that story, the Green Goblin heavily damaged the Daily Bugle building forcing Spider-Man to do everything in his power to hold the building up while it was evacuated.

Rebirth!

One Week Ago

Mac Garban wakes up to find that he is no longer in his prison cell and is hooked up to a bunch of machines. When he starts demanding to know what is going on, a mysterious man in the shadows who tells Gargan that he has been brought because he has a need for the Scorpion.[1] However, this mysterious benefactor intends to upgrade the Scorpion to make him more powerful and train him to be an effective agent, warning him that failure also means death. Feeling this mystery individual poking around in his mind, Gargan orders them to get out of his head. This protest doesn’t work and the Scorpion begins seeing himself being attacked by an army of Spider-Men. Overpowered and his equipment damaged the Scorpion says he can’t stop the wall-crawler. However, this new benefactor insists and in his mind’s eye, Mac sees himself being reborn into his new costume. Destroying these fake Spider-Men, the Scorpion’s confidence is restored and he agrees to be the weapon his new employer intends him to be.

Recurring Characters

Scorpion

Continuity Notes

  1. The identity of the Scorpion’s mysterious employer is never revealed. This is due to the fact that this plotline was dropped immediately after.

The Secrets of Spider-Man

Using his wall-crawling abilities, Peter Parker climbs up the side of Aunt May’s house so he can secretly enter the attic. Using his powers in this way makes him regret that he is retiring as Spider-Man, but refocuses on his task, reminding himself that Mary Jane is downstairs keeping Aunt May and Anna Watson distracted while he goes up and removes any trace of evidence that could connect Spider-Man to Peter Parker.

Inside the attic, Peter opens a secret compartment in the floorboards and digs up all the data he kept when he first got and was learning how to use his powers. Looking at all the folders and data, Peter can’t help but marvel at how thorough to and scientific he was back then. This causes him to think back to the accident that first gave him his powers.[1] He also finds a number of books on spiders and recalls how he used this knowledge to develop his web-shooters and how he worked on developing and improving his webbing. Originally, the webbing was weak enough that the mechanical arms of Doctor Octopus could rip them apart but he had since improved the strength of the webbing to the point where it is strong enough to hold the Fantastic Four’s Thing prisoner.

Also among the hidden material are graphs that Peter kept charting his proportionate spider-strength as well as details on how his spider-sense works. Although he enjoys this trip through memory lane, Peter reminds himself that this part of his life is now over and sneaks back out the attic window with this hidden material. Peter then comes back in the house to rejoin Mary Jane, Anna, and Aunt May.

Recurring Characters

Peter Parker, Mary Jane Watson, Aunt May, Anna Watson

Continuity Notes

  1. Peter states that he was caught in an explosion at General Techtronics lab and that it was an experiment that was being put on by Otto Octavius. This is in direct contradiction of the origin of Spider-Man originally told in Amazing Fantasy #15. This was because, at the time this issue came out, John Byrne was attempting to retcon Spider-Man’s origins with the series Spider-Man: Chapter One which told an updated version of Spider-Man’s origins which also included the involvement of Otto Octavius and that the same accident also led to the Octavius’ transformation into Doctor Octopus. This was ultimately ignored and the events of Spider-Man: Chapter One are now designated to an alternate reality, Earth-98121, as per Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A-Z #3. Modern readers could choose to ignore this alternate take on Spider-Man’s origins or presume that this particular story takes place on Eart-98121 as opposed to Eart-616 like the rest of the stories in this issue.

Amazing Spider-Man #441

Amazing Spider-Man #441

Amazing Spider-Man (Vol. 2) #2

Amazing Spider-Man (Vol. 2) #2