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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #10

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #10

Jumping the Tracks Part Three

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A prisoner of the Hobgoblin of 2211, Spider-Man has been brought to the George Washington Bridge where he’s made to watch a holographic projection representing the day that Gwen Stacy died at the hands of the Green Goblin.[1] When the Goblin asks if Peter is going to try and save her, Spider-Man points out that it’s just a holographic projection. The Hobgoblin admits that right now that’s true, but this location is a junction point between parallel worlds. She explains that while most people have one or two —if they’re lucky — Peter has six in his life. The first was his Uncle Ben, the second is Gwen Stacy. When asked to get to the point, the Hobgoblin explains that he can reverse Gwen Stacy’s death and live the life he could have. Peter rejects that offer, saying that he’s been there and done that and had the breakdown.[2] As Peter is shown a glimpse of a reality where he saved Gwen and revealed her identity, the Hobgoblin explains that she has gotten lonely and offers him the opportunity to help reshape the multiverse with her.[3] When she tells him to do it for the Ben Parker she brought from another reality. When Peter asks where Ben is, the Goblin figures he’s doing just fine.[4]

At that moment, this alternate Ben Parker is face-to-face with Peter’s Aunt May. When he reaches out to her, May slaps him across the face. Ben is hurt and confused by this. May, who thinks this is some impostor offending the memory of her late husband, tells Ben that she is disgusted that he would do such an evil thing.[5] She is convinced that this is some kind of shape-shifter or impostor sent to hurt her and Peter. When Ben tries to explain that he is actually her husband, Jarvis — the Avenger’s butler — intervents and, since he just on a date with May, has come to defend her honor.[6] Losing his temper, Ben knocks down Jarvis with a single punch and tells both of them they don’t know him and what he’s been through. His is furious that some snob in a suit is dating his wife when, back in his home reality, his May is dead and he has nobody. He suddenly stops and admits that late at night he always imagined what it would be like to be reunited with May again, and it never was anything like this. Ashamed of himself, Ben turns around and walks away. May is almost convinced that the man is the real Ben Parker, but Jarvis points out that in his line of work impostors carry things so far that it can trip a person up very easily.

Back on the George Washington Bridge, the Hobgoblin is becoming more and more unhinged. Thinking that this Spider-Man is her father she tells Peter to shut up, saying that she hasn’t gone about eliminating every Spider-Man, the whole time she has been trying to make him proud of her. By this time, Spider-Man’s costume has filtered the biospores that have been preventing him from acting and attempts to lunge at the Hobgoblin. However, the villain is able to chrono-shift out of the line of attack. That’s when the Spider-Man from 2211 — the Hobgoblin’s father — arrives via a time jump and ambushes his daughter. As Spider-Man 2211 tries to apprehend his daughter, they slam into the side of the bridge and fall into the Hudson River below.

Meanwhile, Ben Parker has stopped in an alley and is trying to figure out what to do next. He doesn’t know if he should go back and try to convince May who he really is. He decides against it since as far as she is concerned, Ben Parker is ancient history, and she’s moved on without him, just like the Peter of his home reality. Bens words annoy a homeless man who tells him to keep it down. The homeless man then tells Ben that instead of getting mad he should get even and tosses him a gun. Ben thinks the man is insane, but the homeless man then shows him the front page of a newspaper which features an article about the “myraid ways” theory that suggests that every choice you make creates a new dimension where you took a different course of action. He says that by that logic, it doesn’t matter what you do — good or bad — because at least somewhere you also made the opposite choice. After some consideration, Ben Parker bends down to pick up the gun.

At that same moment, Spider-Man has dived into the Hudson River to try and find the two time-travelers from 2211. Seeing Hobgoblin’s glider speeding by, Spider-Man hitches a ride and, sure enough, it takes him to the place where his 2211 counterpart is fighting the Hobgoblin. By this point, Spider-Man 2211 tries to snare his daughter in an energy web, but she is quickly saved when her glider slams into the energy web. As the Hobgoblin gets away, Spider-Man 2211 quickly explains that the Hobgoblin is his daughter and that this is none of Peter Parker’s concern before taking off after his daughter. Still, Spider-Man needs someone to help clean up the mess with the other Ben Parker and swims after them. On the surface, Spider-Man 2211 is snared in an energy field and his daughter, fed up with her father’s constant interference decides to eliminate him with one of her Retcon Bombs, which will erase him from existence. The idea that this would also make her cease to exist as well is of little concern. That’s when Spider-Man gets to the surface and unaware of the nature of the bomb being hurled at his future counterpart, Spider-Man snares the Retcon Bomb in a web line and whips it back at the Hobgoblin. Before she is winked from existence, the Hobgoblin tells her father that she finally won and asks if he is proud of her yet. When Spider-Man asks what happened, his future counterpart explains that his daughter erased herself from existence and that as a result, the time paradoxes will correct themselves, and eventually the alternate Ben Parker should be set back to his native reality.

When Peter protests this, Spider-Man 2211 points out that he has no choice in the matter and, furthermore, he’s not going to remember the encounter soon enough anyway. He reminds Peter that his Uncle Ben lives on in his deeds, while he’s never going to remember his daughter ever again. Spider-Man is horrified to learn that he killed someone, but Spider-Man 2211 says that he can’t have murdered someone who never existed and flies off. Spider-Man 2211 finds Ben Parker in the cemetery and tells the old man that he has to return to his native reality as he has a destiny there as his presence will avert a great tragedy. Ben tells this Spider-Man that he is afraid and when he goes to hug this Spider-Man he hugs back. This, however, is all a ruse allowing Ben to get close enough to fatally shoot Spider-Man. As it turns out, this is not the alternate Ben Parker, but an impostor, as the real Ben Parker is dead in an alley. This impostor was moved by Spider-Man 2211’s words and decides that he’s going to stick around for a while.[7]

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2211, Hobgoblin 2211, Ben Parker (Earth-6078), Aunt May, “Edwin Jarvis”, Chameleon 2211 (unidentified)

Continuity Notes

1. Gwen did a noser off the GWD thanks to the Green Goblin in Amazing Spider-Man #121 and an ill-placed web-line snapped her neck like a twig.

2. Peter is referring to the events of House of M #1-8, Spider-Man: House of M #1-5. The Earth-616 reality was supplanted by the House of M reality (Earth-58163). During that period Peter lived a life where Gwen Stacy lived and they were married and had a family. When made to remember his real life, on Earth-616, Peter didn’t take it very well (and that’s putting it lightly)

3. Some websites have presumed that the images showing Spider-Man saving Gwen Stacy are taken from Earth-7736, a reality where Gwen Stacy didn’t die seen in What If? #24, however as usual there is no official source that confirms this. It is conjecture by people who think adding endless lists of appearances and categories to blank web pages is more valuable than actual facts or research.

4. Per Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A-Z #2, this Ben Parker hales from Reality-6078.

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5. I guess an Uncle Ben story wouldn’t be complete without mentioning Ben’s death. Amazing Fantasy #15.

6. Speaking of impostors, the real phony is actually Jarvis. We learn that he is a Skrull spy as revealed in Secret Invasion #1. He swapped out the real Jarvis prior to New Avengers #1.

7. We’ll learn in Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #19 that this impostor is the Chameleon of 2211.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #9

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #9

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #11

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #11