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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #15

Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #15

Wild Blue Yonder Part Three

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Spider-Man is about to leave the scene of one of the Absorbing Man’s hits when the NYPD arrives and tries to put him under arrest. Telling the cops they got the wrong guy, as usual, Spider-Man makes a hasty retreat. As he swings away, the web-slinger wonders how he’s going to get his wallet back when he swings right into the heavy-framed man with a make-shift cape and mask that helped him during the battle. Spider-Man has already deduced that this is Ethan Edwards, the new reporter at the Daily Bugle who had been assigned to cover a story on Spider-Man with Peter Parker. Edwards tells Spider-Man that he can help him find the woman who stole his wallet and begins flying around the city at super-speed with Spider-Man clinging to his back. When the web-slinger points out that he can hardly see anything at this speed, Edwards says he can see through most things and not to worry. This puts Spider-Man on edge, especially when Ethan reveals that he knows Spider-Man is Peter Parker but promises not to tell anyone.

Ethan, meanwhile, denies who he is until Spider-Man convinces him that he’s not fooling anyone. Landing on a nearby rooftop, Ethan takes off his mask, proving the web-slinger correctly. Spider-Man then lectures Ethan about having his kind of power — information in this case — and allow himself to be gullible warning him that New York City is a place where that can be fully taken advantage of it. Ethan admits that Spider-Man is right, saying he doesn’t really like it in New York. Spider-Man is about to get Edwards to tell his story when he remembers his missing wallet and heads off, telling Ethan to get out of his makeshift costume and not talk to anyone until he gets back.

Meanwhile, the Absorbing Man and his female companion have arrived at the address found in Spider-Man’s stolen wallet and find the remains of a ruined home. They figure that Spider-Man did it himself after suspecting someone was getting close to his secret identity and was attempting to bury his tracks.[1] His female companion then suggests they get out of Queens before Creel is noticed. When Crusher tries threatening her, she reminds him that she controlls the flow of drugs he’s hooked on and advises against it.

Meanwhile, Spider-Man is paying a visit to Hank Pym at his home in Cresskill, New Jersey.[2] When Spider-Man asks if he misses the city, and Pym reminds the web-slinger that he put his life in the Avengers behind him after the death of all his friends.[3] Spider-Man cuts to the chase and asks Pym for help finding his stolen wallet. He then gives Hank one of his spider-tracers saying that one is in his wallet, but unfortunately, his spider-sense can only pick up on them within a 100-yard radius and needs something stronger. Even though Spider-Man first invented the devices while he was a teenager, Pym is impressed by the workmanship on the tracer’s design.[4] Hank figures he can calibrate the technology he used as Ant-Man to have all the ants in Manhattan to look for the signal and he’ll get back to the web-slinger once he finds something.[5]

Meanwhile, the Owl calls Absorbing Man and his female companion to warn them that they are getting behind schedule. Told to keep their find a secret, Carl tells the Owl they were only briefly delayed and are now back on track. As they cross the George Washington Bridge, the woman manages to avoid a sniper shot from their next target, the Punisher, when his position is given away by sunlight reflecting off the scope of his rifle. However, as the shots keep coming, Creel takes a bullet and starts panicking. His companion tells him to calm down and absorb the properties of the bullet inside him. Sure enough, this works and the Absorbing Man rips his way out of the car just as the Punisher is tossing a grenade at them. Luckily, the explosive is caught in the hands of Ethan Edwards who is wearing a new costume. Scolding the Punisher for putting lives at risk, Edwards is about to toss the grenade when it suddenly blows up in his hands. However, due to his durability, the only thing ruined by the blast is Ethan’s costume. The distraction allows the Absorbing Man and his accomplice to get away.

Back at the Daily Bugle, Peter Parker arrives looking for Ethan Edwards. He is stopped by a female employee who asks if he remembers her. Peter remembers seeing her the other day, and she isn’t surprised that he dosen’t recognize her. She reintroduces herself to Peter, saying she’s Laurie Lynton. Peter is shocked to see how much she has changed since high school. He remembers that back in those days Laurie was as smart as he was but overweight and often teased by other students, especially Flash Thompson. She tells Peter that not long after high school she decided to get into better shape and eventually lost all the weight and later took her love of science to become the science reporter for the Daily Bugle. That’s when Ethan arrives and asks Peter to talk, something that Parker couldn’t agree more on. On the roof, Peter updates Ethan on how the hunt for his wallet is going. When Ethan offers his help, Peter tells Edwards that he’s too new at the superhero game and then asks him to explain his origins.

He confirms that nobody at the farm back home in Iowa is as strong as him, and he has always been superhumanly strong. He tells how his parents were a heavily religious couple who gave birth to a daughter who suffered from mental disabilities. Ethan’s father figured that this was a punishment from God over his mother for having pre-marital sex. After that, his mother discovered that she was now baren and the Edwards clan though that their family line was at an end until the day a miracle happened. Driving home from church one day they came upon a giant glowing orb. Thinking this was the end times, the Edwards approached the glowing sphere to face judgment. However, the device scanned them and then presented a human baby, and they took to see it as another act of God. By this point, Peter is finding this hard to believe, but Ethan believes it implicitly because he thinks that lying is a sin and as he was raised devoutly Catholic, his parents would never have lied to him. Talking of his upbringing Edwards explains how he was raised under a strong moral background and taught to use his abilities for good. On the family farm, he was taught the value of hard work, as well as humility, to shun vanity. He was taught to respect authority but learned that a man was a king of his own castle one day when his father ordered some government agents off his land at gunpoint. As an adult, Edward decided that he had a higher calling in the city and on the day he left home, his father had some final advice for him: With great power comes great responsibility. Finishing his story, Ethan admits that he has a lot to learn to live up to that code and asks Peter to help train him. Reluctantly, Peter agrees, much to Ethan’s delight.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Absorbing Man, Ethan Edwards, “Hank Pym”, the Punisher Laurie Lynton, Owl, Flash Thompson (flashback)

Continuity Notes

  1. That’d be an incorrect assessment. In reality, Aunt May’s home was destroyed by Charlie Weiderman, an old classmate of Peter Parker’s who was trapped in a sheet of liquid metal skin after a lab explosion. Blaming Peter for his experiment going wrong, Charlie destroyed Aunt May’s house. The whole story is covered in Amazing Spider-Man #515-518. Aunt May’s house will be repaired again in Amazing Spider-Man #545.

  2. This is not the real Hank Pym, but a Skrull spy as revealed in Secret Invasion #1. This Skrull replaced the real Hank Pym prior to the events of Beyond! #1.

  3. “Pym” is referring to when the Scarlet Witch went crazy and decimated the original Avengers as seen in Avengers #500-503. Although a number of Avengers were seemingly killed in this battle, that’s not the case. These were:

    • Ant-Man, aka Scott Lang, seemingly died when Jack of Hearts was forced to explode. In reality, he was pulled forward in time moments before death by his daughter, Cassie Lang — aka Stature — in Avengers: The Children’s Crusade #5-7.

    • Hawkeye actually died in this story, but he was willed back to life by the Scarlet Witch in House of M #1-8.

    • As I said above, Jack of Hearts was forced to blow up. Although presumed dead he would reconstitute his body in Marvel Zombies Supreme #2-5.

    • Lastly, the Vision was ripped apart, seemingly beyond repair, by an enraged She-Hulk. While the Vision’s memories were transferred over to Jonas of the Young Avengers in Young Avengers #4-6, the Vision was eventually repaired in Avengers (vol. 4) #19.

  4. Peter has been using spider-tracers almost consistently throughout his career as Spider-Man since he first invented them in Amazing Spider-Man #11.

  5. “Hank” is referring to the control helmet invented by the real Hank Pym when he first became Ant-Man in Tales to Astonish #35.

Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #14

Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #14

Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #16

Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #16