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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #7

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #7

Creature of the Night

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Two members of the Fortunado mob have come to Cypress Hill Cemetery under orders from their de facto leader Jimmy-6 to retrieve something. They are also under orders to use the weapons they brought with them if they need to. They kick open the door to a tomb and find a bunch of vampires guarding a chained up trunk. The two mobsters pull out wooden stakes in order to face this threat.[1]

Meanwhile, Peter Parker is on the phone with his wife Mary Jane as he frantically packs a bag.[2] He tells her not to worry because he’ll be there to catch his flight. He insists on making the trip since they haven’t seen much of each other recently and they could use a vacation. However, instead of going straight to the airport, Peter goes to the store for some last-minute items and gets stuck behind another customer who is taking their time paying for her purchase. Suddenly, Peter’s spider-sense begins going off and he manages to dive away from the shop window before a car comes crashing through it. Emerging from the wrecked automobile are the two mobsters who had succeeded in stealing the mysterious crate. However, the vampires quickly catch up with them. When the mobsters open fire the vampires turn into mist so the bullets pass harmlessly through them.

Despite the fact that he is in a hurry, Peter decides to do something about this. When the vampires douse the lights and attempt to ambush the mobsters from behind, Spider-Man webs them up. When the mobsters flee the scene, Spider-Man follows after them and demands some answers.[3] All the mobsters will say is that they are being chased by vampires. At first, Spider-Man can’t believe it but is convinced when his spider-sense warns him that the vampires are descending down upon them. When Spider-Man asks one of the mobsters for a wooden stake, they incredulously hand him a rib-eye steak. Still, Spider-Man decides against looking a gift horse in the mouth and shoves the stake into the mouth of the vampire trying to bite him. Suddenly, all of the vampires explode into dust. However, any notion that the stake was responsible is dispelled when Spider-Man notices they were struck with stakes from behind. In the confusion, the mobsters flee with the trunk. Figuring he has nothing left to do, Spider-Man decides to head to the airport before he misses his plane.

Instead, Spider-Man follows the mobster — named Mutt — to an abandoned Roxxon facility to find out what’s going on but tells the Mutt to hurry since he’s got a plane to catch. As they put distance between themselves and the vampires the mobster explains that it all started ever since the Kingpin returned to the city to reclaim his criminal empire.[4] The Kingpin started hitting the other mobs hard and soon the lower lieutenants of the various mob families were called in to discuss terms with the Kingpin. Everyone complied except for Jimmy-6, who took over the Fortunado mob and openly defied the Kingpin. Before the Kingpin could respond to this insult, someone intruded on the meeting, someone who reeked with evil. This intruder was also impervious to bullets. The meeting turned into a massacre with very few survivors — the Kingpin and Jimmy-6 included among them — to tell the tale. Mutt’s tale is interrupted when a vampire attacks. Spider-Man holds the vampire still while Mutt impales it with a stake. That’s when Mutt mentions that the guy who broke up the mob meeting was someone calling himself Hunger. Spider-Man has encountered Hunger in the past but can hardly believe that Hunger is actually a vampire.[5] Still unable to believe vampires are real, Spider-Man webs up the rest of their attackers as he doesn’t want to see any more death. With their pursuers tied up, Spider-Man and Mutt make a run for it. As they go, Spider-Man asks what’s in the trunk but Mutt doesn’t know. Unfortunately, they reach a dead-end and Spider-Man can still sense something out in the darkness.

This turns out to be Blade the Vampire Hunter who warns them not to go back down into the factory as it is crawling with vampires. Spider-Man still can’t believe that there is such a thing as vampires. Blade insists that they are real and takes Mutt with him, telling Spider-Man to stay behind if he won’t slay the vampires.[6] Although he is pushing things close, Spider-Man cannot bring himself to leave them to face the vampires alone and follows after them. As they search the misty factory, Blade confirms that he was the one who killed the vampires in the alleyway earlier. Sensing that they are surrounded, Blade begins firing his guns that fire stakes filled with holy water, turning all the vampires into dust. They soon find the trunk but also discover that Hunger has taken possession of it. Unfortunately, when Blade and Mutt raise their weapons they combust in their hands. Hunger quickly overpowers both Spider-Man and Blade. Hunger remembers his last encounter with Spider-Man and admits that when they last met his mind was muddled but now he knows everything and the wall-crawler would be surprised if he knew who he really was, but will only tell once Spider-Man has been turned into one of his vampires.[7]

While Hunger is busy with Spider-Man and Blade, Mutt tries to escape and discovers that his friend — T-Bone — has been turned into a vampire. When Mutt kills T-Bone with a stake, it leaves Hunger without any more vampire thralls and greatly weakened. Unable to defend himself against his foes, Hunger decides to flee but warns them not to open the trunk if they know what is good for them. With the danger over, Spider-Man leaves the trunk with Blade and leaves so he can make his flight. Unfortunately, Peter arrives at the airport fifteen minutes after the plane took off. Jill Stacy is waiting for him and tells him that Mary Jane was angry when he didn’t show. Peter is upset by this and tells Jill that he really tried to make it this time. While at the Kingpin’s headquarters he learns that the trunk is now in the possession of Blade. Kingpin orders his men to recover the trunk and to place a call to Jimmy-6 because it is about time that there is some order brought to his city.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Blade the Vampire Hunter, Jimmy-6, Kingpin, Hunger, Jill Stacy

Continuity Notes

  1. Mutt and T-Bone talk about how Jimmy-6 took over command of the Fortunado mob after Don Fortunato got injured in a recent clash with the Kingpin. This is a reference to the events of Spider-Man: Made Men #1.

  2. Peter and Mary Jane are referred to as husband and wife here. However, years later, their marriage is erased from existence by Mephisto in Amazing Spider-Man #545. As such they should be considered a common-law couple here.

  3. One of the mobsters ask Spider-Man if he thinks these vampires are Joey Z. Spider-Man was framed for the murder of Joey Z in Spider-Man #88, he later cleared his name in Spider-Man #92.

  4. The Kingpin’s empire fell in Daredevil #300, however, he decided to return to New York and rebuild following the events of X-Men (vol. 2) #64.

  5. Spider-Man previously encountered the Hunger in Peter Parker: Spider-Man #4.

  6. Spider-Man and Blade teamed-up in Marvel Team-Up (vol. 2) #7.

  7. Although it is never clearly explained here, but Hunger was previously Crown the villain that Spider-Man previously fought in Spider-Man #76, 79-80. This is later revealed to Spider-Man by Morbius in Peter Parker: Spider-Man #8

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #6

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #6

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #8

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #8