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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #34

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #34

If Thine Eyes Offend Thee…

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At a monastery, Brother Ian rushes to the office of his superior, Brother Richard to tell him it happened again. They both rush down to the basement where there is a cell and discover two dead monks inside with glowing eyes signifying that William has escaped.

At that same moment, Aunt May is visiting Peter Parker at his apartment. She has brought him a devil and angel salt and pepper shakers that she picked up at a rummage sale. Peter hides the fact that he thinks they are hideous and while he is telling her how great they are, his neighbor Caryn Earle comes over and introduces herself to Aunt May. She tells Peter that she wants to take him to a fair that opened up at Central Park as a way of thanking him for looking after her dog Barker while she was away. Peter tries to make an excuse about marking homework, but May tells Peter he should go out and have some fun.[1]

Back at the monastery, Brothers Ian and Richard rush to the Monkmobile, a Volkswagon Beetle decked out religious iconography and a vanity license plate. Although they don’t know where William has gone, they must look for him alone as they believe the authorities won’t understand what they are dealing with. When Brother Ian asks what they should do if William encounters anyone else, Brother Richard suggests that they pray. At that same moment, William — wearing sunglasses and walking with a cane — is making his way through Manhattan. When he is stopped by some muggers, he tells them that he is going to the fair. When they try to rob him, William gets knocked to the ground causing his sunglasses to shatter. Suddenly, beams of energy erupt from William’s eyes killing the muggers.

Meanwhile, Peter is trying to figure out what to do about this trip to the fair. Although he thinks Caryn is nice he has no interest in dating because he is waiting for Mary Jane.[2] When he spots Randy Robertson and Glory Grant at the fair, Peter decides to avoid them by taking Caryn over to the midway to try and win a prize. He is so distracted at an archery game he accidentally shoots an arrow through a stuffed bear. As the carnie demands Peter to pay for the damaged prize, people suddenly get into a panic when William arrives on the scene threatening everyone with his eye blasts. Separated from Caryn by the fleeing mob, Peter slips away to change into Spider-Man. Meanwhile, Caryn finds cover under one of the midway games where she meets Jill Stacy, who is unimpressed to learn that Earle is out with Peter Parker.

By this point, Spider-Man has tried to stop William who tells the wall-crawler that time is running out and he needs to be somewhere. When the wall-crawler tries to stop him, William easily blasts the hero aside with is eye blasts. That’s when the two monks arrive and tell Spider-Man about William. They explain that William is a mutant that was left in their care when he was a child. They learned that his eye beams drained him of his health and mentality whenever they were used. The beams would fire uncontrollably unless William was on his back, allowing him to open his eyes without producing the beams. For years he lived in a room in the basement of the monastery with only a television to teach him of the outside world. They plead with Spider-Man to save William, telling the hero that William will die if he doesn’t close his eyes.

When Spider-Man tries to stop William, he blasts the wall-crawler aside again and uses his powers to make a ride called the wall of death run wild William then goes inside where the rides spinning keep him pinned to the wall and pointed at the sky. Spider-Man tries once more to stop William but he still continues to resist the wall-crawler telling him that he has to look at the stars Despite Spider-Man’s efforts, Wiliam expends the last of his life force and dies, leaving his eyes burnt out husks. With William dead, Spider-Man looks up into the sky to try and see what he saw in his moment of death as it seemed to make him happy. All he can see are two particularly bright stars in the sky among all the others

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Caryn Earle, Jil Stacy, Aunt May, Glory Grant, Randy Robertson, Brother Ian, Brother Richard

Continuity Notes

  1. At the time of this story, Peter was working as a science teacher at Midtown High since Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #31, although you wouldn’t know it if you’ve only been reading Peter Parker.

  2. Mary Jane decided that she needed time apart from Peter in Amazing Spider-Man Annual 2001. The couple will remain apart until Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #50.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #33

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #33

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #35

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #35