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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Amazing Spider-Man Presents: Black Cat #1

Amazing Spider-Man Presents: Black Cat #1

The Trophy Hunters Part One

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Now

The Black Cat is breaking into a jewelry store with her usual care and grace when suddenly a smash and grab happens. As the rookie thief orders the security guard to open the safe, the Black Cat interrupts and explains how the rent-a-cop can’t open the safe because of its security features. The thief then demands she open it, leading to a clash. Spider-Man shows up just as the Black Cat is wrapping it up. With the situation under control, the Cat suggests that she and Spider-Man have some alone time in one of the bedrooms of a hotel undergoing renovations.

After a roll in the hay, the Black Cat asks why Spider-Man is on edge and he tells her about the strange dreams that have been haunting him recently.[1] That’s when he notices that the Black Cat stole some rings from the store and says he has to bring them back. She lets him, saying she got what she was looking for this evening.

However, Spider-Man doesn’t get all of the rings. The Black Cat keeps one of them a priceless ring that was first commissioned by Queen Elizabeth the 1st to give to Sir Robert Dudley when she was forbidden to marry him in 1860. She brings it to her fence to authenticate so they can sell it to a British museum. The fence asks if she has given any consideration to the job of stealing a collection of imperial fabergé eggs from the Frittz museum. Felicia isn’t sure because she doesn’t find breaking into the Fritz to be very fun. She decides to think it over, taking the ring back for a little bit because she doesn’t want to give it up just yet.

Several Years Ago

Vasili Holpkin Sidorov has come to the court of Sasha Kravinoff to offer his respects after hearing about the death of her husband, Kraven the Hunter.[2] Sasha is touched and then introduces Vasili to her daughter, Anastasia. Ana is being taught French by Vasili’s mother. Vasili has come to gift the Kravinoff’s with his family ledger that details all of the valuables that were given to the family up to date. Sasha refuses this gift, but takes a moment to go through the book and reminisce. Ana notices that some of the items in this ledger were taken from the Kravinoff family by the Bolsheviks. Sasha thanks Vasili for bringing it because it gives her comfort that all can be made right, and everything could be restored.

Now

A thief breaks into a Chicago museum and steals a Russian necklace. When the story hits the news, evidence on the scene points blame on the Black Cat. Hearing the news, the Cat tells her assistants — Kyoko and Tami — that she didn’t commit the robbery. Tami confirms this because the white fibers were not the same as the ones on her costume. Still, Tami suggests that the Black Cat stop whoever is trying to frame her before it ruins her reputation.

The same thief breaks into a private collection in Sonoma, California. When the owner catches him, the thief shoots him and then leaves the same fibers that once again pin the crime on the Black Cat.

When the Black Cat learns about this, she goes to her information man, the self-proclaimed Poet. He is also worried about this impostor because it affects his business. He has looked into the items that have been stolen and has determined that they are all Russian pieces that were sold off when Stalin came to power in Russia. As it turns out, the same thief has been active for the past five years, leaving them to wonder why they are choosing now to try and frame the Black Cat. The Cat thinks this is a message that is somehow tied to her planned heist of the fabergé eggs at the Frittz and wonders what this thief is actually after.

The following night, the mystery thief breaks into the Fritzz and replaces the fabrigé egg with a fake. However, as they try to leave they are ambushed by the Black Cat. The Black Cat snatches the stolen egg and runs. When the thief gives her chase, they evade security. When she turns to confront the thief ruining her reputation, the Black Cat appears to stomp on the fabergé egg. Accusing the Cat of ruining everything, the thief tries to escape. She chases the thief up to the roof, but she is stopped by Spider-Man who wants to know why she is stealing these Russian artifacts. The Black Cat is furious that he stopped her and is accusing her of making the thefts. She allows Spider-Man to frisk her in order to prove she didn’t steal anything. Once he is convinced, she takes off, saying their fling is now over.

The following day, the Black Cat returns to the Frittz in her civilian identity as she talks to the Poet. She tells him that she is going to recover the egg, which she stashed in a purse in the museum’s lost and found. After checking the list of lectures on the museum’s calendar, she leaves and returns the stolen egg to her apartment. That night, the Cat brings the egg to her fence and discovers that he has been murdered. She then gets a phone call from the thief who knew she wouldn’t have destroyed such a priceless artifact and killed her fence to keep important information he knew about it from her. When she asks how he knew she wanted information he tells her to open the egg. Inside is a listening device. The thief knows all about her because he had been spying on her all day. He then asks Felicia when the last time she checked in on her mother.

Recurring Characters

Black Cat, Spider-Man, Ana Kravinoff, Sasha Kravinoff, Vasili Sidorov, Kyoko, Tami, Poet

Continuity Notes

  1. Spider-Man’s dreams are a product of Spider-Man being run through a gauntlet by the Kravinoff who are priming the web-slinger in order to sacrifice him to resurrect Kraven the Hunter. See The Gauntlet (Amazing Spider-Man #612-633) and The Grim Hunt. (Amazing Spider-Man #634-637)

  2. Kraven the Hunter blew his brains out during Kraven’s Last Hunt. (Web of Spider-Man #31-32, Amazing Spider-Man #293-294, and Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #131-132) That would place this flashback as happening about six years prior to the main story.

Grim Hunt Prologue

Norah Winters takes Peter Parker to Central Park to enjoy the winter weather. However, Peter is in a bad mood, and the prospect of dealing with traffic and tourists in this weather isn’t improving his mood. Norah won’t let Peter ruin her good mood and puts on her headphone to listen to some Christmas music. Peter is worn out because he has been attacked by all of his greatest villains, one after another. Worse, he has been suffering from nightmares and hasn’t been sleeping well.

A woman overhearing this says that it must be rough on him. When the woman calls him “tyger”, Peter mistakes this woman for Mary Jane. However, when she turns to face him, it’s Mattie Franklin — the third Spider-Woman — covered in a shroud of webbing. She calls out to her “brother” for help. When Peter asks what’s wrong, she tells him that she needs the “Spyder” and rips off Peter’s street clothes, revealing his Spider-Man costume underneath.

Suddenly, something pulls Mattie into the mist that has appeared all around him. Suddenly, Spider-Man is surrounded by the Sandman, Doctor Octopus, the Lizard, the Rhino, the Vulture, Electro, and Mysterio. They all attack him at once and Spider-Man begins fighting them one after the other. When he punches his fist through Mysterio’s fish-bowl helmet, it shatters and he turns to dust. Suddenly, he sees other spider-related heroes laying dead on the ground. A voice calls out to him, trying to warn Spider-Man that the hunt has begun but he cannot hear who is trying to reach him. That’s when a massive lion comes out of the mist. When he apologizes to the massive cat it roars in his face.

That’s when Madam Web is pulled back to her body, her attempts to reach out to Spider-Man are a failure. Spider-Woman, also a prisoner in this dungeon, learns what happened and this doesn’t improve her mood. She has learned that their captors are putting poison in her blood so she can’t fight back and has already resigned to the fact that they are going to die in this place. Madame Web assures Mattie that they aren’t going to die here. When Franklin asks why this is happening, Sasha Kravinoff enters the room with her daughter Ana and her brother-in-law the Chameleon.

Sasha tells them that they are doing this for family and has her daughter punish Madam Web for trying to reach out. Sasha sends out a prayer to her lost lover, telling him that he will only sleep for a while longer, but they are coming for him.

… This story continues in Amazing Spider-Man #634.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Norah Winters, Madame Web, Spider-Woman, Anna Kravinoff, Sasha Kravinoff, Chameleon

Astonishing Spider-Man and Wolverine #6

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