Spider-Man Unlimited (vol. 3) #7

Jun 23

Jun 23 Spider-Man Unlimited (vol. 3) #7

The Cubicle

Jake shows up at his job at the Merx Pharmaceutical Corporation. As he makes his way to his desk he thinks about how Bruce Springsteen once said that a dream that doesn’t come true is a lie. That’s when a co-worker bumps into him and accidentally spills coffee all over his shirt. He thinks if Springsteen was right. Jake is the world’s biggest liar. He thinks about how in college people thought he was going to be the next Hemmingway. Unfortunately, he had to help his parents pay his tuition, preventing him from taking on summer internships at the Post or the Daily Bugle. He took the job at Merx figuring he could churn out marketing copy no problem. Now here he is six years later stuck in a dead-end job and his “Great American Novel” propping up his coffee table back at home.

His thoughts are interrupted when one of his coworkers looks at his calendar of famous writers and mistakes John Steinbeck for someone who appears on the show “Who Wants to Marry my Grandpa?” When he has to point this out, Jake realizes that he’s in hell. He decides that today is the day that he is going to submit some of his writing to a competition in New Voices magazine. However, he loses his nerve before he can make a submission on their website. That’s when he gets a call from his friend Robert who tells him to check out the latest superhero news for their superhero pool. He’s surprised to learn that there is a new Captain Britain,[1] but is happy to see that Moon Knight — one of his picks — is back in action.[2] That’s when Jake’s coworker, Chris, in the next cubical pops up and tells him that he’ll never meet a girl being in a fantasy superhero league. Despite Jake’s better judgment, he allows Chris to show him photos he took at a bar from the night before showing the women on the 9th floor partying. As Jake looks at the photos, Chris disappears as the Amanda comes to get some re-writes done. She is not impressed that Jake is looking at the photos.

Jake then discovers that his stapler is missing, and gets nothing from backtalk from his co-workers when he asks to borrow one. As he wonders what Hemmingway would do, Spider-Man and Mysterio suddenly come crashing in through the office window.[3] Mysterio quickly grabs Amanda to use as a hostage. That’s when Jake finds a stapler and uses it to shatter Mysterio’s fish-bowl from behind, angrily telling the villain that the world is not his stage and to let Amanda go before he caves in his nose. When Mysterio beings threatening Jake he begins to lose his tough-guy demeanor, but that’s when Spider-Man swings in with a knock out punch. As he webs up Mysterio, Spider-Man thanks Jake for helping him stop Mysterio, telling him that it was better than standing back and doing nothing, saying he once knew someone who did that and he ended up regretting it for the rest of his life.[4] Spider-Man then suggests that Jake get his reward. Jake doesn’t understand what Spider-Man means until he notices that Amanda is waiting for him. However, instead of thanks for saving her life, Amanda yells at him for attacking Mysterio with a stapler as she could have been killed.

That’s when the co-worker who spilled coffee on him earlier tells him she thinks it was pretty cool that he saved everyone and suggests that he writes a guest column in the Village Voice. They decide to talk about the idea over drinks and as they leave the office, Jake drops off his submission for New Voices into the outgoing mailbox.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Mysterio

Continuity Notes

1. This “new” Captain Britain Kelsey Leigh, at the time of this story she had been granted the mantle of Captain Britain in Avengers (vol. 3) #79. The mantle was passed on to her by Brain Braddock the previous Captain Britain when he became the Lionheart of Avalon. She would maintain the Captain Britain title until Braddock was forced back into that role in New Excalibur #1.

2. In regards to Moon Knight being “back”, at the time of this story he hadn’t been seen since Thunderbolts #57. That’s about five years of publications. In-universe (as the Sliding TImescale goes) Moon Knight had been out of sight for a number of months. Robert’s pick, Darkhawk, hasn’t been very active as a superhero. Prior to this story, he was last seen in costume in Avengers #501-502. Darkhawk will turn up shortly after this story in Runaways (vol. 2) #1.

3. At the time of this story, there were two active Mysterios and there was a question on if Quentin Beck — the originally Mysterio — was dead or not. In case you’re wondering, this Mysterio is Daniel Burkhart as identified in Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A-Z #8’s entry on Mysterio.

4. This, of course, is Spider-Man himself. He let a burglar getaway and that burglar went on to kill his Uncle Ben. Amazing Fantasy #15.

Hang Tight

A crook has just had a run-in with Spider-Man who leaves the criminal webbed upside down hanging above the street. He reminds himself what his friend Jamie said about keeping a cool head. He figures all he has to do is wait it out and the cops will arrive to get him before the hour is up. However, as the clock gets closer to the top of the hour, the crook figures the webbing will dissolve and he’ll fall to his death. He wonders where the cops are and if Spider-Man actually called them or not. Cursing the web-slinger, the crook tries to call to people down on the street but he is ignored.

He then decides to shift himself around and try and see if there is anyone in the office building that can help him. Just his luck, there is a cleaning woman emptying the trash and he asks her for to help. However, the glass is too thick and when he watches the woman pick at her teeth and adjust her hair he realizes she can’t see him either due to the reflection of the lights inside the office.

Suddenly, the webbing gives way, but before the crook can fall to his death he is grabbed by Spider-Man who is returning to the scene. The crook is naturally frightened out of his mind and yelling his head off, prompting Spider-Man to web his mouth shut. He apologizes for leaving him hanging for so long, telling the crook that he got distracted when the Shocker attacked the courthouse but swears he was thinking about the crook the whole time. He promises that this time he’ll call the cops and they’ll be by to rescue him in a few minutes. Spider-Man then swings off leaving the crook suspended over the street again.