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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Tales of Suspense #82

Tales of Suspense #82

By Force of Arms

Iron Man was on his way to the Capitol Building in Washington so that Tony Stark can stand before a Senate committee.[1] However, en route, the Golden Avenger is ambushed by the Titanium Man who is using the opportunity to get revenge against his past defeat.[2] As the two battle high above the city, the Titanium Man boasts about how he has undergone hormone treatments to enlarge his size and strength so he can better pilot his newly upgraded armor. He then grabs Iron Man in a bear hold and begins blasting the hero’s helmet with his eye-beams. With his helmet growing hotter by the moment, Iron Man uses leverage to pry himself free and escape.

As Pepper Potts and Happy Hogan arrive on the scene, Iron Man briefly gets the advantage when he tosses a vial of unstable freon. When Titanium Man shatters this vial he is frozen solid by the gas and falls to the ground. Watching the fight with binoculars from within the Capitol Building, Senator Harrington Byrd hopes Iron Man wins this battle. When Titanium Man breaks free from his icy prison, Iron Man realizes that it is too dangerous to keep fighting over the city with so many spectators on the ground. He then flies to the outskirts of town where he takes the fight to the ground. When he attempts blasting the Titanium Man with his repulsor rays, they are reflected back at him, knocking Iron Man into the ground. However, he manages to get out of the hole in the ground and evade his foe thanks to his built-in skates.

Meanwhile, the bystanders have all raced to the scene where the battle is taking place. Pepper and Happy arrive just as the Titanium Man uses his helmet-mounted paralysis ray on Iron Man. Pepper gets too close and pleads with Iron Man to keep fighting. As the hero attempts to short out the paralysis ray with a live wire, he discovers that the Titanium Man has instead onto Pepper. Having deduced that Iron Man cares about the woman, Titanium Man orders him to surrender or he will electrocute Pepper.

Recurring Characters

Iron Man, Titanium Man, Happy Hogan, Pepper Potts, Harrington Byrd

Continuity Notes

  1. Harrington Byrd has been trying to force Stark to appear before this committee to reveal Iron Man’s true identity since Tales of Suspense #72.

  2. Titanium Man and Iron Man previously fought in Tales of Suspense #69-71.

The Maddening Mystery of the Inconceivable Adaptoid!

Captain America is spending his evening alone in Avengers Mansion looking over his photo album. It features many pictures of Cap with his former partner, Bucky.[1] His thoughts are interrupted when the Avengers butler, Jarvis, comes to bring him a fresh pot of coffee.[2] Captain America is grateful for all of Jarvis’ work and Tony Stark’s hospitality, even though he hardly sees Tony anywhere.[3] After drinking some coffee, Cap decides to do one last security check before going to bed for the night.

When Captain America enters the Avenger’s secret ready room he hears footsteps. He is suddenly ambushed by the intruder. He is shocked to see that it is Agent Axis, which is impossible to Captain America since he saw Axis die during the war.[4] However, Agent Axis disappears as Captain America attempts to punch him. Captain America is starting to question his sanity when suddenly another old foe, Fang the Warlord appears before him. This is also impossible as Captain America heard that Fang perished during the bombing of Hiroshima.[5] Suddenly, Captain America finds himself surrounded by all of his old wartime foes. They all disappear moments later as well.

Wondering if he is losing his mind, Captain America suddenly finds himself driving in a truck with Bucky as they are being fired upon by Nazis riding motorcycles. This all seems so real, particularly when Cap and Bucky bail out and take control of the motorcycles. Captain America then drives into a group of Nazis when he suddenly finds himself back in Avengers Mansion. His mind reeling, Captain America tries to make sense of everything when he suddenly sees another impossible sight: Sargeant Mike Duffy leading a march of soldiers across the hallway.[6]

Growing faint, Captain America begins to collapse when he is helped to his feet by Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch, another impossibility as the twins had recently left the Avengers to return to Europe.[7] When Captain America opens his eyes again he is no longer being held by Quicksilver, but Jarvis, the Avengers’ butler. Still not understanding what is going on, Captain America passes out in the butler’s arms.

Meanwhile, SHIELD is going through the rubble of AIM’s mountain hideout.[8] Among the ruins, they found an operative named Count Bornag Royale. They also find the modified casing for the Life Model Decoy and wonder what the rogue scientists were doing with it. Waking up, Bornag warns them that the Adaptoid is loose, but passes out again before he can tell the SHIELD agents anything about the Adaptoid or its mission.

As it turns out, the Adaptoid is posing as Jarvis at Avengers Mansion. After putting Captain America in bed, the Adaptoid checks on the real Jarvis who is tied up in a nearby closet. No longer needing this disguise, the Adaptoid then assumes its featureless form. It then begins scanning Captain America so it can take on his form next. Now looking exactly like Cap, the Adaptoid takes the hero’s shield as he will no longer be needing it.

Recurring Characters

Captain America, Adaptoid, Edwin Jarvis, AIM (Bornag Royale), SHIELD

Continuity Notes

  1. At the time of this story, Captain America believes that Bucky died in 1945 when he tried to disarm a drone plane carrying a bomb, as seen in Avengers #4. He will learn years later that Bucky actually survived and was transformed into the Russian assassin known as Winter Soldier. See Captain America (vol. 5) #14.

  2. Jarvis is concerned that Cap is looking at his photo book again. The last time Jarvis saw Cap doing this was in Tales of Suspense #59.

  3. At the time of this story, Captain America doesn’t know that Tony Stark is also Iron Man. Iron Man took a leave of absence from the group in Avengers #16.

  4. While this story contains many references to old issues of Captain America Comics, Agent Axis was not a character who appeared in that series. Agent Axis will not make a proper appearance until Invaders Annual #1. Cap’s claims of seeing his death are false, as Axis would not die until the Modern Age, per Marvel Comics Presents #34. See below.

  5. Fang previously appeared in Captain America Comics #6. This is the first mention of his death. At the time of this writing (February 2021), the character has not been seen since.

  6. Duffy was Steve Roger’s commanding officer at Camp Lehigh dating back to Captain America Comics #1. Duffy was later reported dead in Young Allies Comics 70th Anniversary Special #1.

  7. Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch had recently left the Avengers to return to their home country of Transia in Avengers #31. This was because their powers were beginning to fade and they thought that returning to their homeland would restore them. This apparently works and they return to the Avengers in issue #37 of that series.

  8. SHIELD crushed AIM’s hideout in Strange Tales #149.

Topical References

  • Captain America states that the war happened 25 years prior to this story. This should be considered a topical reference. Due to the Sliding Timescale, the length of time between World War II and the Modern Age continues to grow longer. I go into this in more detail here.

The Thing About Agent Axis

Captain America states that he was present when Agent Axis die. This is not accurate. Per Marvel Comics Presents #34. Why would Captain America make this mistake? It could be chalked up to his muddled memories after being revived from suspended animation in Avengers #4. As explained in Marvel Saga #12, Captain America had some memory problems shortly after being revived which explains why he did not recognize the Sub-Mariner.

There’s one other issue with Agent Axis: He might not have been a Marvel character to begin with. The Appendix, CBR, and my favorite punching bag the Garbage Database all make the following claim: That Jack Kirby got mixed up and included the Agent Axis character he created for DC Comics in Boy Commandos #7. This is not based on any concrete facts, just based on circumstantial evidence. Both Boy Commandos and this Captain America story were drawn by Jack Kirby. However, the people on these websites make the assumption that Kirby made a mistake with no tangible proof to back it up. It’s really a testament to how people blindly copy shit on the internet and assume it to be fact without checking other resources and using some common sense.

Kirby was a sharp guy, who ping-ponged between working for Marvel and DC, usually working for one when he didn’t want to put up with the bullshit from the other. That’s documented. Kirby was also very well documented for being an advocate for creator rights. I wouldn’t be surprised if Kirby slipped Agent Axis into this Captain America comic intentionally as a fuck you to DC Comics who, when Kirby left their employ in the 1960s, had disputes with him for not drawing shoelaces or showing people mounting a horse wrong. “Stealing back” one of his characters seems more like a fuck you than forgetfulness. That Agent Axis is depicted mostly off-panel without a clear look of his face seems like it was intentional. However, that’s only speculation on my part. I’m not going to go so far as assume what Jack Kirby was thinking at the time.

To the point: There are no quotes or resources that confirm what Kirby was thinking at the time or if Agent Axis that appeared here was a mistake or intentional.

Tales of Suspense #81

Tales of Suspense #81

Tales of Suspense #83

Tales of Suspense #83