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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Avengers West Coast #69

Avengers West Coast #69

Grudge Match!

Now

After months of being antagonized Hawkeye, aka Clint Barton, has had enough. Decked out in his new bullet proof armor, Hawkeye challenges the US Agent, aka John Walker, to a one-on-one brawl.[1] The Agent thinks that Hawkeye is out of his mind since he is much stronger than the bowman.[2] Clint insists that they fight and begins firing arrows at his opponent. US Agent charges at Hawkeye, deflecting the various trick arrows with his Vibranium shield. The Agent tosses his shield at the archer, playing into his hand. As the projectile approaches him, Hawkeye thinks back to the moment that led to this brawl….

Earlier

Hank Pym had called a meeting of the Avengers West Coast. Answering the call aw Hawkeye, US Agent, the Wasp, Wonder Man, Iron Man, Quicksilver, Tigra, the Scarlet Witch, and Mockingbird.[3] Soon another one of Hawkeye and US Agent’s arguments. The squabble is quickly broken up and Hank announces that they will be holding a vote to determine the new team roster. He then asks the Wasp to play back a video recording sent to them by the east coast team. On it, Captain America announces that the Avengers are not longer sanctioned by the United States government, but have now become chartered by the United Nations.[4] With that, Cap turns things over to General Hayworth, US Agent’s government liaison. Now that the Avengers are under the United Nations, the US government no longer wants one of their operatives representing them in the group and is pulling the Agent from the roster effective immediately.[5] While Hawkeye takes great pleasure from the news, US Agent is furious as he believes he deserves a spot on the Avengers. Wonder Man is forced to restrain him, and tells the Agent that they will be putting the membership of the team to a vote to see if he deserves a spot based on his own merits.

Now

Hawkeye fires an arrow that knocks US Agent’s shield off its trajectory, but its own manages to snatch it back out of the air. While he is preoccupied, Hawkeye then fires an explosive arrow at his opponent. Surprisingly, US Agent is able to snatch the arrow out of the air and throw it back at Clint, causing it to blow up at his feet and sending the bowman flying.

Earlier

Soon the votes as to who is going to be on the next team have been gathered and the Wasp reads the results. Hawkeye is voted in as a primary member of the team with four votes. Mockingbird gets a single vote, and she thanks Clint for making it.[6] Also making the team are Tigra at four votes, while Wonder Man and the Scarlet Witch score five votes each. Quicksilver only gets two, US Agent gets one, Iron Man gets five. The same can be said about Hank and the Wasp. The absent Human Torch gets three votes.[7] while there is also one vote for Machine Man of all people.[8]

With all the votes counted, the new roster will consist of Hank Pym, the Wasp, Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch, Wonder Man, and Tigra with the Human Torch, Mockingbird, Quicksilver, US Agent, and Machine Man acting as reservists. However, despite the outcome, Hank and Janet reveal that they want to leave the team to have some time to themselves. However, they pledge to remain active until a new leader can be determined. Hawkeye takes this opportunity to mock US Agent for being the last in line on the reservist team. The Agent is about to lose his temper again and has to be restrained by both Wonder Man and Iron Man this time. Having had enough, US Agent storms out of the meeting, telling them that he might not be around whenever they need a “real” patriot in their ranks.

Now

Hawkeye recovers from the exploding arrow but still wants to fight. US Agent points out how crazy this all is, since his Power Broker augmented strength makes him more than a match for Clint, who doesn’t have super powers.[9] Clint responds by mocking US Agent for being a pale imitation of Steve Rogers, the original Captain America. He mocks Walker for using underhanded means — such as his Bold Urban Commandos — to briefly usurp the role of Captain America. Despite that, Steve Rogers — who is himself an ordinary man — proved that he was still the better Captain America.[10] Deciding that he doesn’t need anything other than his bare hands to defeat US Agent, Clint then strips off his quiver and helmet so they can duke it out hand-to-hand. Although Walker thinks this is suicide, he decides to oblige Hawkeye.

Earlier

The team meeting is now over and the new team is bidding farewell to the reservists that are on their way out. Quicksilver departs, telling the team that he was only present to be there for her sister while her injuries were healing. Now that she is back on her feet he has no desire to return to the ranks of the Avengers.[11] Mockingbird once again thanks Hawkeye for voting for her. However, Clint reveals that he wasn’t the one who did, saying he doesn’t want his estranged wife on the team with him. This deeply upsets Bobbi who decides to head back to Detroit. Realizing that he screwed up, Clint tries to get her to come back but it is too late.

US Agent then mocked Clint for his way with the ladies and this proves to be the last straw for the archer. Deciding to deal with US Agent once and for all, he challenges John to a fight near Portuguese Bend in a half hour.

Wonder Man meanwhile is telling Wanda that he got a reservation for two at a fancy restaurant in Hollywood. Wanda turns down the offer as she has decided that they shouldn’t date anymore because she is still processing everything that has happened to her recently.[12] This deeply upsets Simon who flies off, telling her not to worry about him getting lonely. Hank and Janet notices that Wanda looks a little down, but the Scarlet Witch tells them that their enduring relationship in light of everyone else’s romantic troubles cheers her up. That’s when Hank and Janet drop a bombshell of their own: They aren’t taking a leave of absence to work on their romance. In fact, they now realize that there is no reviving their failed marriage and they are actually going to be spending their time off apart from one another.[13]

Now

The brawl between Hawkeye and US Agent continues. Unfortunately, US Agent is more than a match for Hawkeye in a hand-to-hand brawl thanks to training he received from the Taskmaster.[14] In the ensuing scuffle, US Agent accidentally tosses Hawkeye over a cliff. Although Clint tries to break his fall by tossing a grappling hook arrow at a tree growing off the side of the cliff, it is too weak to support his weight and he stills hits the beach below pretty hard.

Fearing that he seriously hurt his teammate, US Agent climbs down to make sure Hawkeye is all right. However, Clint is merely playing possum and still wants to fight. US Agent is tired of this endless battle and decides to take off the kid gloves and pummels Hawkeye into submission.

That’s when the rest of the Avengers arrive on the scene to break things up. John tells them to butt out, but the Wasp insists that this is Avengers business. She informs US Agent that Hawkeye is going to be put on probation for this stunt, but vows that US Agent will never become an Avenger again because of what just went down.[15] The Agent then tells them they can all go hang and storms off. As Clint recovers from his drubbing, the Scarlet Witch fears what might happen is the US Agent goes rogue and turns against them.[16]

Epilogue

A ship has just pulled to port at Los Angeles harbor and as customs agents board the vessel to look for contraband, a cyborg named Jawbreaker sneaks off the ship with a trunk under his arm.[17] He quickly meets up with his associate, Taifu who explains that he has come to relieve Jawbreaker of the box. Jawbreaker realizes that their boss was right not trusting Taifu and the two begin brawling with one another. However, Taifu is quickly knocked out by Kuroko, another superhuman with the power of invisibility. She has been sent by their mutual employer to watch over Jawbreaker to make sure he carries out his mission without a hitch. Taking the unconscious Taifu with them, Kuroko reminds Jawbreaker that the contents of the trunk will allow their master to become ruler of the Pacific Rim and then the world!

Recurring Characters

Avengers West Coast (Iron Man, Hank Pym, Wasp, Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch, Wonder Man, Tigra), US Agent, Quicksilver, Mockingbird, Avengers (Captain America, Thor, Black Widow, She-Hulk, Quasar), Lewis Hayworth, Pacific Overlords (Jawbreaker, Kuroko, Taifu)

Continuity Notes

  1. Hawkeye had this armor commissioned for himself after getting shot in Avengers Spotlight #30.

  2. US Agent quips that Hawkeye must still be under the influence of Ultron. Clint was partially transformed into an Androne, a human robot that Ultron was able to control. See Avengers West Coast #66-68.

  3. Hawkeye takes issue with Mockingbird being present, saying that she wants to dump the Great Lakes Avengers to rejoin the west coast team. TL;DR version: Hawkeye and Mockingbird’s marriage has been strained since West Coast Avengers (vol. 2) #34. They both left the team to train the GLA and work on their marriage in issue #46. However, Hawkeye eventually got bored and came back to the west coast team in Avengers West Coast #60.

  4. The Avengers lost their government backing in Avengers #326. They were then adopted by the United Nations in issue #329. This was also when it was decided that each team should only have seven core members.

  5. US Agent was forced onto the team due to their affiliation with the US government back in West Coast Avengers (vol. 2) #44.

  6. We’ll later find out that it wasn’t Hawkeye who voted for his wife, but US Agent because he wanted an attractive woman on the team. See Avengers West Coast #81 for this shameful admission.

  7. The Human Torch is absent because he has been off searching for the remains of his former partner Toro since Avengers West Coast #65.

  8. Machine Man is certainly an odd choice since he has not had any affiliation with the Avengers previously. He did recently assist them during the Terminus Factor event depicted in Captain America Annual #9, Iron Man Annual #11, Thor Annual #15, Avengers West Coast Annual #5 and Avengers Annual #19.

  9. In order to become America’s next patriotic superhero, John Walker had undergone the Power Broker’s strength augmentation process. See Captain America #323. John Walker started his career as the Super-Patriot and attempted to replace Captain America as the nation’s hero. He and his Bold Urban Commandos then began a smear campaign against Steve Rogers.

  10. For a brief period of time, Steve Rogers was stripped of his Captain America identity by the US government in Captain America #332. The mantle was then passed to John Walker in issue #333. Ultimately, John was a terrible Captain America and surrendered the identity back to Rogers in issue #350 of that series. John was later given the US Agent identity in Captain America #354.

  11. Quicksilver returned when Wanda was being manipulated by Magneto and later came to her rescue when she was abducted by Immortus as seen in Avengers West Coast #56-57 and 60-62. Wanda was left without her hex powers for a brief period of time but they started kicking back in issue #67.

  12. Other than her ordeals with Magneto and Immortus, Wanda suffered two other tragedies: First her husband, the Vision, was disassembled. Although he was put back together he was no longer able to feel emotions and later left her, effectively ending their marriage. See West Coast Avengers (vol. 2) #42-45 and Avengers #312. Not long after this, Wanda’s children were revealed to be nothing more than figments of her imagination brought to life and were destroyed as seen in Avengers West Coast #51-52.

  13. Hank and Janet got married years back in Avengers #60. Their union ended in divorce after Hank struck Jan in issue #213. More recently, the pair decided to give their romance a second chance in West Coast Avengers (vol. 2) #42.

  14. John Walker received training from the Taskmaster back when he was Captain America’s replacement. See Captain America #334.

  15. Here, Iron Man states that he only just recently rejoined the team. Tony Stark first joined up with the West Coast team in West Coast Avengers (vol. 2) #1. Iron Man took a leave of absence from the team in issue #32 and only just recently rejoined in issue #51.

  16. Although the Wasp says that US Agent is off the team for good, he shortly earns his place on the roster over the course of the Pacific Overlords story arc which will take place in Avengers West Coast #70 through 74.

  17. We’ll learn next issue that the trunk is carrying a chunk of Lifestone and Jawbreaker’s employer is Doctor Demonicus.

Topical References

  • The message from Captain America sent to the west coast team is depicted as being on a “vid-disc” or some kind of compact disc. This should be considered a topical reference as this type of format is quickly coming out of style due to the proliferation and access to non-physical media.

  • When US Agent brags about his shield being made out of Vibranium, Hawkeye quips “I’ve read the description in Sears’ Catalogue”. This should be considered a topical reference as Sears is a real world department store.

  • After the meeting, Wonder Man tells Wanda that he has got a reservation for two at Spago’s. Spago’s is a high end eatery in West Hollywood that has been around in 1982. This should be considered a topical reference as this is a real world restaurant. More over the location that Simon got his reservation closed down in 2001.

Errors

  • Quasar is coloured incorrectly in this story. Based on the ones chosen he more resembles Nomad than he does anyone else.

Avengers West Coast #68

Avengers West Coast #68

Avengers West Coast #70

Avengers West Coast #70