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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Tales of Suspense #58

Tales of Suspense #58

In Mortal Combat with Captain America!

While testing the undersea capabilities of his armor, Iron Man stops to wrestle a shark away from shore before heading back to Stark Industries. He misses seeing the Chameleon and Kraven the Hunter head to shore after smuggling themselves back into the country. Kraven vows to make up for their ast defeat at the hands of Spider-Man but promptly gets recaptured by Iron Man moments after they arrive on shore.[1] Evading capture, the Chameleon decides to prove his superiority by defeating Iron Man.

Back at Stark Industries, Happy Hogan is showing off his new outfit to Pepper Potts, who thinks it is hideous. That’s when someone who appears to be Captain America comes stumbling in looking for Iron Man. When Iron Man is signaled to come help, he escorts the man he thinks is Captain America into Tony Stark’s office. There he hears how the Chameleon captured Cap and used a device to steal all his memories and intends to infiltrate the Avengers. Accepting this story at face value, Iron Man heads to Avengers Mansion to confront the man he thinks is the Chameleon disguised as Captain America. In reality, the Captain America in Tony Stark is the real Chameleon, and he gloats to himself over how easy it was to fool Iron Man.

When Iron Man attacks the real Captain America, the star-spangled Avenger thinks it is a joke at first. Cap then tries to reason why his opponent, but Iron Man isn’t willing to listen. Eventually, Iron Man’s batteries begin running low and he is forced to retreat somewhere safe for his generators to recharge. Meanwhile, Pepper and Happy check on “Captain America” and discover that he left out the window. Deciding to tell Iron Man what happened, they take one of Tony Stark’s cars to look for him. There, Pepper finds a device that will allow them to track Iron Man’s location.

By this time, Iron Man has fully recharged his armor and resumes his hunt for Captain America. Cap sees this and lures Iron Man into a cement-making factory. When Iron Man comes crashing in, Cap manages to drop his teammate into a gravel mixer. As Iron Man breaks free, Happy and Pepper looking for him. They stumble around the factory thanks to all of the gravel dust kicked up by Iron Man. When Happy falls over a railing he is rescued by Captain America. Iron Man is about to ambush Cap when Pepper begins sinking in a pile of loose gravel. While Iron Man rescues her, Happy accidentally turns on a fire hose and sprays her with water. When an out of control steam shovel attempts to attack the trio, Iron Man rips it to shreds.

That’s when Giant-Man arrives with the Wasp and reveals that the Captain America that tricked Iron Man into fighting his teammate was the Chameleon in disguise the whole time. With the situation is all cleared up and the Chameleon is handed over to the police. Meanwhile, Pepper storms off in a huff when the Wasp points out that her hair is a mess. In the aftermath of the battle, Iron Man is reminded of the words of President Lyndon B. Johnson whose favorite motto was “Let us reason together.”*[2]

Recurring Characters

Iron Man, Captain America, Chameleon, Happy Hogan, Pepper Potts, Kraven the Hunter, Giant-Man, Wasp

Continuity Notes

  1. Kraven and the Chameleon got themselves deported when they failed to defeat Spider-Man in Amazing Spider-Man #15.

  2. Cap and Iron Man’s first one-on-one battle is later recounted in Iron Man/Captain America: Casualties of War #1.

Topical References

  • Dated pop-culture references: Candid Camera

  • The tracking device Pepper uses looks absolutely archaic with his nobs and dials and a display that simply points the direction they should go to find Iron Man. This is ridiculously limited in a world that now has GPS.

The Watcher Must Die!

Warlord Wrogg has conquered every living thing in Section 14X with the exception of the Watcher, who he intends to make his next target.[1][2] They sneak up and ambush the Watcher, but Uatu already knows that Wrogg and his men are there and what they have come to do.

When Wrogg shows off his abilities and weapons, he is disappointed that the Watcher is no showing signs of fright. More upsetting is the fact that the Watcher refuses to beg or grovel. Annoyed by this passive defiance, Wrogg orders his men to prepare to attack. That’s when the Watcher defends himself using the least amount of resistance possible. He uses his cosmic powers to speed up time in the immediate visinity.

Seeing Wrogg and the front line warriors rapidly aging, the rest of the invaders flee the planet. The Watcher explains what he has done as Wrogg and his man age to the point of death.

Recurring Characters

Watcher, Morani

Continuity Notes

  1. Wrogg and his fellow warriors are members of the Morani per Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe #7.

  2. Despite what a poorly researched crowd-sourced website might state, this Watcher is indeed Uatu. Which they would know if they didn’t half-ass their research. It’s clearly specified in Official Index to the Marvel Universe: Iron Man.

* President Johnson likely said this motto before intimidating someone with his massive hog.

Tales of Suspense #57

Tales of Suspense #57

Tales of Suspense #59

Tales of Suspense #59